Determine to remove peace, prosperity and safety from the country, whole Pakistan welcome bomb blast in Peshawar and committed its whole hearted support to war for terrorism. The nation celebrated the event with fire crackers and sweets.

"The nation is enjoying another blast which is meant to kill our own citizens. I am now waiting for my turn. I support all the terror organizations and Pakistan's political leaders to evacuate me and my family from the earth," said Hamid Mir, a Karachi based citizen.

A car bomb devastated a street in Peshawar on Sunday, killing at least 42 people and raising more questions of Pakistan's in safe-guarding their own citizens. However, in major turn to the event, Pakistan welcomed the attack and demanded more such slaughters in other cities.

Most of the citizens distributed sweets and are eager to lighten firecrackers in the night to celebrate the event.

"We are very happy that Pakistan today has become 100% terror nation and would love to endorse our support to take this good cause forward," said Abdur Rehman, a Lahor based engineer.

He said "We are very supportive to all the terror organizations which like to kill people in Pakistan, India, Russia and Afghanistan. We will feel worshipped when these terrorists will kill us. We thank Pakistan with the bottom of heart for creating such an insecure environment for our lives. Keep focusing on India and we are ready for another blast."

Pakistan's Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif who is present at UN General Assembly in America said that he is really happy that despite his absence in the country, the blasts never stopped. He also thanked the entire nation to giving him wholehearted support on the great cause of removing peace loving population from the country and helping terrorists to implement their violent rule.

"We are committed to all terrorist organizations and our own military to create conducive environment for vanishing peace loving people from the earth and create more and more insanity in our country. I will never allow Pakistan to be called as safest country on the earth," said Pakistan's Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif in a press conference in USA.

Nawaz Sharif said that he was committed towards increasing terrorist activities not only in Pakistan but also in India and other countries. He also graduated his support and never ending love towards Lashkar e Taiba Chief Hafiz Saeed at one more level.

"I told India's Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh that I only obey to my inner sense and Hafiz Bhaijaan and I am more and more committed to insanity, violence and inhumane approach towards my native Pakistanis and Indian citizens. This way I will remove dim-witted peace loving citizens who only like some stupid ideas such as peace and sanity. Thus by supporting more and more lunatic terrorists and killing thousands of people in Pakistan and India I will be very happy," said Nawaz sharif.

India's Defence Minister AK Antony confirmed that China's encroachment in the Indian border of 640 sq km area is under Free Land Intrusion Scheme (FLIS) specially designed for the neighboring countries aimed to improve relations with them. He was addressing the media before his speech in Lok Sabha.

"FLIS is specially designed for neighbor countries to improve the relations with them. This was a landmark scheme introduced by UPA Government which will solve all border disputes. Under this scheme we offer our border land to neighbor countries. Currently, only China and Bangladesh are eligible for the scheme," said AK Antony.

He said that currently the government is in demo mode of the scheme and therefore it was not willing to disclose it in the public. AK Antony was talking about the recent media reports referring to National Security Advisory Board's observation that China has captured 640 sq km of Indian territory in Daulat Beg Oldie and other sectors in Ladakh. The neighbor country is not allowing patrolling to Indian army in the occupied area.

"As the scheme is under demonstration stage we maintained very high confidentiality and never discussed with Indian Army therefore all this confusion is. But we are very sure that the cross border terrorism is now a matter of time with introduction FLIS," said AK Antony.

Talking about the benefits of FLIS, AK Antony said "Border disputes are very sensitive issue and the media always sensationalize it and therefore we decided to launch an innovative scheme. Under this scheme, all our neighbor countries are welcome to capture the land in India for free of charge but with a condition that they will have to maintain good relations with us. Now if China wants New Delhi, they can come and take over it we have no issues. Only thing is that the country has to maintain peaceful and good relations with India."

The minister said currently China and Bangladesh are getting these special benefits while Pakistan and other countries are out of its ambit.

"Pakistan has requested for these benefits and asked us to give Kashmir to them. But they are still non committal about giving us most favored nation (MFN) status and improving ties," said AK Antony.

Answering questions of reporters whether neighbor countries are eligible for the benefits of land acquisition bill, AK Antony said "Yes they are eligible. If any industrialist wants to set up factory on the land encroached by our beloved neighbor it will have to pay 4 times the market value of the land."

US said it is ready to strike all its new range of chemical weapons on Syria. The country released its official statement after France confirmed that it is ready to crush Syria from Wednesday next week while Russia will evacuate its citizens as soon as possible.

"How can they use chemical weapons which are very dangerous to human life? We have strong evidences that Assad military has used chemical weapons against rebellions. It is a danger to human life in the World and we will stop this," said Barack Obama addressing the nation.

He confirmed that his military operations will be like using Syria as practice battle ground and train its military to combat against Iran. The country will use whole new kind of weapons which are manufactured for saving humanity.

Barack Obama said that his statement of "limited narrow act" of military intervention in Syria that does not involve a "boots-on-the-ground approach", but has not made a final decision yet should not be taken out of context and told that the super power can send its troops to use Syria as practice ground.

"The real enemy of mankind is Iran and Syria is just a pussy cat for the great nation the United States of America. Therefore we are planning to use our new team to conquer Syria. Military will also test its new range of high quality chemical weapons, made to save human life in the World."

Showing his interest to embrace progress, Lashkar-e-Taiba Hafiz Saeed expressed his intention of using condoms while having sex with his male partners.

"Right now I am trying to understand how condom is made. Is anything against religious feelings has been used? After confirming all these things I will start using it," said Hafiz Saeed in a packed press conference, looking at his boyfriend and personal secretary Sayyed Jawahiri very passionately.

Hafiz Saeed is India's most wanted terrorist who is popular as social activist in Pakistan. According to sources, he has devoted his life to Pakistan providing a lot of charitable aide to the country. He also has illegal relationship with Pakistan Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif, which is still to be confirmed by Pakistan authorities. Currently, he is trying to inculcate progress and modernization in Pakistan by adopting various techniques.

"Condoms will be first step and steadily I will start using more modern techniques for sexual pleasure," said Hafiz Saeed. He confirmed that he never has smelled any bath soap as well.

Jews in Israel and all over the world decided not to vote Narendra Modi in the upcoming elections after senior Congress leader Digvijay Singh confirmed that Gujarat Chief Minister follows Adolf Hitler.

"We are not going to vote him in our life. We didn't know that he was the follower of Hitler's tactics," said Tzipi Livni, Minister of Justice in Israel.

Livni said he will not tolerate emergence of communal leaders like Hitler again.

"We will never vote for a person who follows Hitler's tactics," said Livni.

Just after Digvijay's statement, new lakhs of followers from Israel added to his Facebook and Twitter account.

India's chain of restaurants Mainland China and Café Coffee Day (CCD) decided to open a chain of restaurant at Indian border, as growing Chinese intrusion opens up immense opportunities for food related business.

"We initially propose to open 25 restaurants and food outlets across the border from Ladakh to Arunachal Pradesh. We will offer them quality food so that they will feel homely," said Speciality Restaurants Chairman Susim Mukul Datta. Speciality Restaurants owns Mainland China brand.

Datta claimed that food at Mainland China is at par with Chinese food and Speciality Restaurants has already started campaigning of its brands in major Chinese cities.

"They can bring their families and citizens of other parts of China," said Datta "We will be ready by year end to serve them best Chinese dishes which they have never tasted in their country."

Chinese troops recently visited Arunachal Pradesh border. However, the visit lasted for 2 days only after they found lack of quality restaurants. Experts said that the illegal incursion offers huge opportunities for Indian food as well as retail industry. A recent Mckinsey report suggests that the market size across border is around $2bn and growing at 100% year on year.

"It is difficult to estimate the market size for the industry related to border as the incursion is the new buzz word for the country. However, we have done detailed study on Chinese food habits and their spending habit which gives us an awesome figure of $2bn," said Prakash Mishra, an analyst of Mckinsey.

The Mckinsey team is also working on the size of the market near Line of Control with Pakistan, from Gujarat to Kashmir.

Another chain of restaurants, Café Coffee Day is also working on plan to offer its different variety of food and coffee flavours to Chinese troops and their citizens.

"We identified this area where we feel that we can lead the market," said CCD in its press release.

The chain of restaurants clearly mentioned that Chinese habit to drink a lot of coffee would assure great returns to stakeholders and also much needed foreign currency to India.

Other food joints like McDonalds, Domino's Pizza and Starbucks have took a cautious stance and said that they are keenly watching the developments across the border and will make major announcements soon.

Pakistan has decided to put a talking parrot on Line of Control (LoC) for constantly indulging in talks with its neighbouring nation, India. The parrot is blessed with long life and will utter words like 'peace process', 'peace talks' and 'no terrorism', said Pakistan leaders.

"We want to get into peace talks with India forever. As our leaders are now bored with the same words and same promises we thought of putting a parrot who will ask for 'peace talks' every time some bomb blasts or terror attacks or even attacks from Pakistan military will take place," said Pakistan Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif.

Sharif said "It's very boring thing these days talking same nonsense of peace process and fucking anti terrorism things. Therefore, we decided to try something new this time. First we condemned India in our Parliament and then we are going to put a parrot at LoC."

Nawaz Sharif informed India Satire correspondent that he is planning to send his personal monkey in the UN General Assembly meet where Manmohan Singh was personally planned to meet him.

"My monkey is a very smart ass and he is equipped with managing such kind of meetings. He will never get bored committing about peace with India," said Sharif.

After getting Rs 61 million aid from Pakistan for his outfit Jamaat-Ud-Dawah, Lashkar-e-Toiba founder and 2008 Mumbai attacks mastermind Hafiz Mohammad Saeed demanded lakhs of gay porn movies to improve sentiments of Jihadi terrorists, as reported by Pakistan leading daily 'Dawn'.

"Porn is required. Otherwise how would they get motivated to do nasty thing like killing innocent people. I want at least 7 lakh more porn movies to give a heavy dosage to all my bachchas so that they can fire power against Kaafir India," said Hafiz Saeed in an exclusive interview with the correspondent of Dawn.

Saeed confirmed that the porn movies should be in gay form rather than hardcore porn.

"I don't like straight sex. I like watching gay movies. My boys also become nastier with me on bed and perform like real terrorists whenever they watch these movies," said shy Saeed to Dawn reporter. He said that while most of the money would be spent on buying western porn not all the money he can put porn movies.

"We have to keep few bucks in our pocket for some urgency purposes like buying vegetables," said Saeed. 

Cooking fans and her ardent readers across the world demanded some cheesy and elegant cookies and burger from Nigella Lawson by putting chopped Charles Saatchi. Nigella's fans across the world put the demand in front of her to get some delicious smell of the burger and cookies.

"I also want Charles pastry and I have already forwarded a request mail to Nigella," said Peter Jackson. Jackson is a devoted follower of Nigella's writing and always interested in new dishes which she cooks.

Recently, photographs were published by the Sunday People newspaper of Nigella being grabbed around the neck by her husband, advertising mogul Charles Saatchi, during an argument outside a London seafood restaurant.

"It would be interesting to see how it would taste after putting Charles in a pan after cutting him into small pieces and properly bake him in the Microwave put some oil on it and then have good eat," said Mary Jo, another fan of Nigella.

Her female fans requested Nigella to cook Charles Saatchi immediately and release cooking recipe, so that they also can use the process to properly cook their own husbands.

"I am definitely going to fulfill demand of my fans," said smiley Nigella. She said "It would be interesting to see how Charles will taste as a burger. I have already removed entire flesh from his bones and put it in a freezer and will start next preparation. I fed remaining bones to my doggy 'Jimmy' who is very happy with the taste."

Indian Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh postponed the urgent requirement to go to toilet for important meeting with Chinese Premier Li Keqiang. PMO claimed that postponing the important natural work is in line with India's strategic decision to defer Indo-China dispute for indefinite time.

"Going toilet was not that important than building long-term relationship with China. Toilet can wait. I didn't want Li to be felt humiliated," said India's PM Manmohan Singh, justifying his decision on postponing his unavoidable 'potty'.

Sources said that apart from few close acquaintances in the PMO, nobody was aware of Singh's decision to skip toilet. Everybody knew the intensity of the situation and significance of Indo-China relations.

"We didn't want to spill the beans and make Li uncomfortable and waiting. China is on fast growth trajectory and it can't wait for us. We knew that the India's top man Dr. Singh has enormous patience and perseverance. He also never let us down, kept his face calm and smiling, listen every words of Chinese Premier still kept his uneasiness with himself, not allowed to disclose anything on his face. The man of real toughness," said a source in PMO's division which helps prime minister taking diplomatic decisions.

The source confirmed that currently to not to spoil relations, PM also decided to postpone talks on India China border deals and Chinese incursion last month.

"Border matter will resolve automatically with law of nature. No need to worry about that," said Manmohan Singh. He also said "For broader national interest, I can avoid 'potty' for 1000 more times."

The India Satire bureau is pleased to announce dumbest person on the earth. Lucky chap is former Pakistan President Parvez Musharraf. The President won the race against India's UPA Government by a wide margin. The UPA Government took many dumb decisions during last one year. Apart from Musharraf and UPA Govt, India Satire Research Bureau (ISRB) considered more than thousand people across the world for this honour. However, both of them won by a meaningful margin.

The ISRB found Musharraf more dumb than the UPA Government on most important parameter. Impact of dumb decisions on the UPA Govt was just few bash from some social elements. However, for Musharraf he may be getting a big bash from his life itself on his dumb decision of coming back to Pakistan again.

Talking on becoming the first dumb person on the earth, Musharraf said "I am glad as India Satire honoured me as first dumbest person on the earth. I am really feeling proud for taking my country to new level. I am really thankful for India Satire for giving me such an honour which nobody has received till date."

Talking about which decision he thinks is the most dumb in his life, whether it was Kargill or coming back to Pakistan, Musharraf said "There was nothing to loose in Kargill decision besides lives of Pakistani soldiers. But with this dumb decision I think I will definitely loose my ass for next 2 years in Pakistani courts."

Pakistan's new Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif promised its country people that he would maintain status quo in the country and would never let people face any change in their life.

"I promise you my citizens that you will never face any change in your life so whether it would be on terrorism front or on corruption and religious matters you will see the same situation that you witnessed over last one decade. I promise you guys that I will maintain current status as it is for next 5 years. I promise all my darling people that this was the same Nawaz Sharif who headed you 2 decades back. I will maintain current rate of at least 50-60 monthly deaths in Karachi, Islamabad due to terrorism. I also promise that Balochistan will remain on fire for next 5 years. My promise to Jihadis is that they are welcome using their guns but would not allow to declare Sharia in Pakistan. Instead of Sharia they can kill 100-200 people on regular basis," said Nawaz Sharif in his address to the nation.

He said "My dear Pakistanis, I am same a**hole which left you a decade back frightening another nut Musharraf. I am the same old guy who would keep faith in Sunnis to vanish Shias from the world. I am the same old guy who will say something else in India visit and will say something different in Pakistan about India."

Talking about terrorism, Sharif said "Guys, I will keep my predecessor's promise to keep hanging all the issue of terrorism. I will never acknowledge that Pakistan has any given day exported terrorism to India. Guys, I promise you that steadily and gradually with vanishing some of you from the country through act of terrorism, I will control inflation and optimize all the economic resources. If any of you Shias, think that you voted me and would now rest in peace then forget that I will let you rest in peace for life by not controlling Sunni extremism."

He said "For Jihadis, I promise that I will keep Hafiz Saeed as nation's 'unofficial' External Affairs and Offence Minister and will provide him a 5 year long term budget rather than wasting money on health and education for Pakistanis."

Completing his commitment to the nation, Sharif said "With this I promise you all that I will keep the current status quo in the nation by remaining a truly liar and nut for next 5 years."