Determine to remove peace, prosperity and safety from the country, whole Pakistan welcome bomb blast in Peshawar and committed its whole hearted support to war for terrorism. The nation celebrated the event with fire crackers and sweets.

"The nation is enjoying another blast which is meant to kill our own citizens. I am now waiting for my turn. I support all the terror organizations and Pakistan's political leaders to evacuate me and my family from the earth," said Hamid Mir, a Karachi based citizen.

A car bomb devastated a street in Peshawar on Sunday, killing at least 42 people and raising more questions of Pakistan's in safe-guarding their own citizens. However, in major turn to the event, Pakistan welcomed the attack and demanded more such slaughters in other cities.

Most of the citizens distributed sweets and are eager to lighten firecrackers in the night to celebrate the event.

"We are very happy that Pakistan today has become 100% terror nation and would love to endorse our support to take this good cause forward," said Abdur Rehman, a Lahor based engineer.

He said "We are very supportive to all the terror organizations which like to kill people in Pakistan, India, Russia and Afghanistan. We will feel worshipped when these terrorists will kill us. We thank Pakistan with the bottom of heart for creating such an insecure environment for our lives. Keep focusing on India and we are ready for another blast."

Pakistan's Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif who is present at UN General Assembly in America said that he is really happy that despite his absence in the country, the blasts never stopped. He also thanked the entire nation to giving him wholehearted support on the great cause of removing peace loving population from the country and helping terrorists to implement their violent rule.

"We are committed to all terrorist organizations and our own military to create conducive environment for vanishing peace loving people from the earth and create more and more insanity in our country. I will never allow Pakistan to be called as safest country on the earth," said Pakistan's Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif in a press conference in USA.

Nawaz Sharif said that he was committed towards increasing terrorist activities not only in Pakistan but also in India and other countries. He also graduated his support and never ending love towards Lashkar e Taiba Chief Hafiz Saeed at one more level.

"I told India's Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh that I only obey to my inner sense and Hafiz Bhaijaan and I am more and more committed to insanity, violence and inhumane approach towards my native Pakistanis and Indian citizens. This way I will remove dim-witted peace loving citizens who only like some stupid ideas such as peace and sanity. Thus by supporting more and more lunatic terrorists and killing thousands of people in Pakistan and India I will be very happy," said Nawaz sharif.

He said "Manmohan Singh then told me 'Theek Hai'."

Taking hard stance on the internal policies of the respective countries, India's Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh and Pakistan's Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif will discuss about their adamant masters. Both the premiers of each country were eager to meet to share various issues and problems with each other.

"Both of them will talk each other in the UN General Assembly meeting about how they have been screwed beyond limits by their masters," said a press release of Prime Minister's Office of India.

According to sources, Manmohan Singh was desperate to meet Nawaz Shariff despite one of the worst fidayeen attacks on Kashmir Police yesterday. The PMO official confirmed that both were eager to see each other and share the burden of slavery they faced for some time.

"Nawaz Sharif wanted to share how he was screwed by Military and terrorists. He also wanted to discuss on his illegitimate relations with Hafiz Saeed that would not stop him from discussing on peace process with India," said official of PMO.

They will hug each other and will cry on each other's shoulders, said sources familiar with the developments. According to sources in Pakistan, Nawaz Sharif has taken entire list of his complaints and grievances about his master Pakistan military and terrorists while Manmohan Singh will talk the recent degradation of his job by his lady master and her super human son.

"Both will have a very cordial but still emotional meet. While today Manmohan Singh will take some inspiration from US President Barack Obama on how to solve problems with sheer guts and how to spit, tomorrow he will have sentimental love exchange with Nawaz Sharif," said PMO official.

Showing his interest to embrace progress, Lashkar-e-Taiba Hafiz Saeed expressed his intention of using condoms while having sex with his male partners.

"Right now I am trying to understand how condom is made. Is anything against religious feelings has been used? After confirming all these things I will start using it," said Hafiz Saeed in a packed press conference, looking at his boyfriend and personal secretary Sayyed Jawahiri very passionately.

Hafiz Saeed is India's most wanted terrorist who is popular as social activist in Pakistan. According to sources, he has devoted his life to Pakistan providing a lot of charitable aide to the country. He also has illegal relationship with Pakistan Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif, which is still to be confirmed by Pakistan authorities. Currently, he is trying to inculcate progress and modernization in Pakistan by adopting various techniques.

"Condoms will be first step and steadily I will start using more modern techniques for sexual pleasure," said Hafiz Saeed. He confirmed that he never has smelled any bath soap as well.

Pakistan has decided to put a talking parrot on Line of Control (LoC) for constantly indulging in talks with its neighbouring nation, India. The parrot is blessed with long life and will utter words like 'peace process', 'peace talks' and 'no terrorism', said Pakistan leaders.

"We want to get into peace talks with India forever. As our leaders are now bored with the same words and same promises we thought of putting a parrot who will ask for 'peace talks' every time some bomb blasts or terror attacks or even attacks from Pakistan military will take place," said Pakistan Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif.

Sharif said "It's very boring thing these days talking same nonsense of peace process and fucking anti terrorism things. Therefore, we decided to try something new this time. First we condemned India in our Parliament and then we are going to put a parrot at LoC."

Nawaz Sharif informed India Satire correspondent that he is planning to send his personal monkey in the UN General Assembly meet where Manmohan Singh was personally planned to meet him.

"My monkey is a very smart ass and he is equipped with managing such kind of meetings. He will never get bored committing about peace with India," said Sharif.

After getting Rs 61 million aid from Pakistan for his outfit Jamaat-Ud-Dawah, Lashkar-e-Toiba founder and 2008 Mumbai attacks mastermind Hafiz Mohammad Saeed demanded lakhs of gay porn movies to improve sentiments of Jihadi terrorists, as reported by Pakistan leading daily 'Dawn'.

"Porn is required. Otherwise how would they get motivated to do nasty thing like killing innocent people. I want at least 7 lakh more porn movies to give a heavy dosage to all my bachchas so that they can fire power against Kaafir India," said Hafiz Saeed in an exclusive interview with the correspondent of Dawn.

Saeed confirmed that the porn movies should be in gay form rather than hardcore porn.

"I don't like straight sex. I like watching gay movies. My boys also become nastier with me on bed and perform like real terrorists whenever they watch these movies," said shy Saeed to Dawn reporter. He said that while most of the money would be spent on buying western porn not all the money he can put porn movies.

"We have to keep few bucks in our pocket for some urgency purposes like buying vegetables," said Saeed. 

Pakistan's new Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif promised its country people that he would maintain status quo in the country and would never let people face any change in their life.

"I promise you my citizens that you will never face any change in your life so whether it would be on terrorism front or on corruption and religious matters you will see the same situation that you witnessed over last one decade. I promise you guys that I will maintain current status as it is for next 5 years. I promise all my darling people that this was the same Nawaz Sharif who headed you 2 decades back. I will maintain current rate of at least 50-60 monthly deaths in Karachi, Islamabad due to terrorism. I also promise that Balochistan will remain on fire for next 5 years. My promise to Jihadis is that they are welcome using their guns but would not allow to declare Sharia in Pakistan. Instead of Sharia they can kill 100-200 people on regular basis," said Nawaz Sharif in his address to the nation.

He said "My dear Pakistanis, I am same a**hole which left you a decade back frightening another nut Musharraf. I am the same old guy who would keep faith in Sunnis to vanish Shias from the world. I am the same old guy who will say something else in India visit and will say something different in Pakistan about India."

Talking about terrorism, Sharif said "Guys, I will keep my predecessor's promise to keep hanging all the issue of terrorism. I will never acknowledge that Pakistan has any given day exported terrorism to India. Guys, I promise you that steadily and gradually with vanishing some of you from the country through act of terrorism, I will control inflation and optimize all the economic resources. If any of you Shias, think that you voted me and would now rest in peace then forget that I will let you rest in peace for life by not controlling Sunni extremism."

He said "For Jihadis, I promise that I will keep Hafiz Saeed as nation's 'unofficial' External Affairs and Offence Minister and will provide him a 5 year long term budget rather than wasting money on health and education for Pakistanis."

Completing his commitment to the nation, Sharif said "With this I promise you all that I will keep the current status quo in the nation by remaining a truly liar and nut for next 5 years."

In a major effort to prove that some human beings still live in Pakistan, the authorities finally identified a guy who never touched machine gun, pistol or any other weapon in his life. The success has wide significance as today only a senior prosecutor handling the 26/11 Mumbai attack case and Benazir Bhutto assassination case was shot and killed by unidentified gunmen in Islamabad.

"We undertook a nationwide search mission to find out a person who never touched any kind of weapons in his life. After a deep research, we finally found a Karachi based resident Zia Ul Haq who never handled riffle, bomb, pistol or any other weapon. Forget touching any of those weapons, we shocked when he told us that he never heard of these names," said Pakistan Interior Minister, Rehman Malik.

Pakistan was under immense pressure from international lobbies and India to show at least one animal who can be recognized as a human being. The government launched a nationwide search mission using criteria of identifying people who never touched weapons. However, only one person fit to the criteria, which was sufficient to give relief to the government.

Rehman Malik said "This is a big slap on Indian Hukumat's face which always rhetorically said in front of international community that no human beings live in Pakistan. Now with Janaab Zia Ul Haq, I believe that Indian government has got its answer."

Exclusive Column of Pakistan's Interior in a leading Pakistan daily

I wasn't aware that Indian media and politician will fuck me so hard just for visiting country's few of Dargahs and Masjids. Guys, but you know we are not easy pigs to get cut down as you want. We have learnt special tricks in the privilege camps on handling the Indian media whenever you visit India.

Thanks to Dear Sir Hafeez Saeed who is our special trainer and it is our proud that he personally gives us training on handling the Indian media which is always running behind Pakistani politician and Indian politicians which are for no reason sings song of peace.

As now I am in Pakistan the most peaceful country for only politicians, I can convey my actual message to the countrymen and few stupid of India. Boss there was only one intention that let me come over to India and that was just to visit few Dargahs and meet some Mullahs, and nothing else. I also came to mock few of interesting that I feel. I don't know why you guys always feel that whenever we come we will discuss on peace making process. Guys! With every peacemaking talk we push some other agenda too. To Indian politicians, I feel you guys are so idi*ts that whenever we Pakistani politicians come to India we can say anything but never that we will give you this or that. We also show that we have all power to say while whenever you guys come to India you commit us that you will give you will give that. Boss, Manmohan, you forgot to tell me when are you giving the Sir Creek to my Pakistani territory. Don't worry my dear lovely Pakistanis. I ensure that whenever any such politician will come to India he will promise us that he would give us Sir Creek, free power and food grains.

By the way Indian media who told you that we hid terrorists. We generally keep them open. Ask Abu Jundal. But whenever it comes to talk about it in the international community we make faces like nothing is hidden.

Guys! Pakistan is a big tummy with digestion problem which either is diseased by loose motions or continuous vomiting. However, we avoid both the things. Indigestion is caused by terrorism in the stomach. But we are so equipped with special training course that we poo in our pants but neither of you guys and nor the international community would come to know that our pants are shitty. Come to Pakistan, visit our villas and watch our pants with dirty colours.

(Special Thanks to ***, leading Pakistan English daily for giving republishing rights to India Satire)