According to a report by French Institute of Demographic Studies, or Ined there will be only Indian population on the earth in year 3550. The report said the world population will grow by 1000 billion people over next 1537 years and all addition of human species will come from India while people from other countries would be vanished totally.

The reports said that all the 1007 billion Indians would occupy both sea and earth and would be sleeping on each other like layers are formed. The report also stated that the Indians would give themselves award of fastest growing population in the world. 

According to a KPMG-TOI study, 90% useless people with no work or no intention to work are involved in riots. The study says that these people generally have sufficient time to waste it in riots. The study has importance at the time of current Mujaffarnagar communal riots.

"Our study findings are in line with the macro study of behavioral science of Indian voters conducted by PCI Chief Markandeya Katju. The study reveals that 90% of people involved in riots are useless and likes wasting their precious time in worthless things like communal clashes," said BC Rajan, study conductor.

He said that people indulged in communal clashes are actually considered as useless; however, they call themselves smart and invaluable. Rajan said that the study has used few landmark findings of Markandeya Katju's independent research that says 90% of Indians vote based on castes and religions.

"We asked many people who said that they are actually smarter than ordinary peace loving Indians and think all the problems will be resolved with creating nostalgic environment in the society," said Rajan.

Rajan said that 98% of 90% useless people are related to political parties or religious associations. 

(Note: This study results are not for people with weak hearts.)

An independent study conducted by officers of Indian Administrative Services (IAS) along with Indian Institute of Science (IIS) reveals that the politician who suspends or transfers bureaucrat, generally faces severe punishment after his death. The study says that the politician, including minister to road side politician goes to hell and is rebuked by hell monsters.

"Severity of punishment depends on whether suspension is of Class I or Class IV official. If it is Class I then the punishment will be highest," said IAS Officer Satyadev Dubey who personally visited the hell along with IIS students and generated the study.

Coincidentally, the study results are coincided with the recent suspension of Durga Shakti Nagpal, an IAS officer by Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Akhilesh Yadav. Durga is a Class I officer and said to have stood against sand mafias in Greater Noida. However, she was suspended on the allegation of provoking communal minds over a demolition of Mosque wall. The event exposed political links with sand mafias.

"That is also a similar case but our study was started much before this case erupts. But I like to say that the result will not be different. If Akhilesh has suspended Durga and never revokes her suspension then whenever he dies Yamduts will take him to hell and give him severe punishment," said Satyadev Dubey "I give you one example of punishment. Consider a minister in the hell who transferred or suspended an IAS officer in his life. Hell monsters first chop him properly into pieces and then fry him thoroughly in hot mustard oil to make good Baby Pakodas. These pakodas are very popular in heaven where man-eater Chinese people stay. They give any kind of price to hell monsters for these fried pakodas. Particularly, Indian politicians are more famous as they are very tasty and meaty too." 

A study conducted by Independent Research suggests that 87% Indians believe that the results they get after searching on Google is worthless and no point to actually search for it. An extensive survey of 11,573 youth includes working people, housewives and college students.

 "I never found whatever I wanted on Google. Still just like a programmed warm I search it on Google," said Dibakar Bhattacharya, an Investment Banker in Mumbai.

He said "All the time I tried to search for the valuation models, Google gave me some trash links. However, still like a stupid guy I continue to search on it."

Same story with other net savvy people who actually trusts Google but found that the information that the search engine provides is rather pointless.

"I also observed that on Google. Whatever I tried to search for it actually sent me some other stupid information. I never felt like I am getting the proper info. Just a habit I search everything on Google. Its like searching information in dust bin," said house wife Priyanka Gandhi.

Priyanka Gandhi was trying to find out recent land deals and empty pockets of land in Gurgaon and other parts of Haryana.

Gandhi said "It feels stupid whenever some other worthless information comes out of it, like land in Namibia and Sudan. Even my husband is pissed off, finding the necessary land pockets in Gurgaon."

Talking on the allegations, Google India Head Rajan Anandan said "All these accusations are wrong and people need to apply their mind. Google's search engine is made with an algorithm that recognizes what the people need and what not to provide. If users insert some reverse information, Google will return proper and accurate data. Users like Priyankaji can ask Google land prices in Namibia or empty land pockets in Somalia and I assure her that Google will return with empty land pockets in Gurgaon."

A study of Indian Government reveals that it requires at least 5 times improvement in scams and corruption to suck excess liquidity of the rupee and help it to appreciate against dollar.

"We encourage maximum number of bureaucrats and ministers to increase scams and corruption so that Rupee slide will stop. India requires improving black money statistics such as black money man ratio and scams to minister ratio to suck the excess liquidity of Rupee from the economy," said India's Law Minister Kapil Sibal.

Sibal told India Satire correspondent that the situation was worsening as the dollar is flowing out of the economy while rupee is getting released into system putting pressure on the currency.

"Government is planning to liberalize norms for putting black money in the Swiss banks so that exodus of excess money will be easily possible. We have also prepared new draft black money privacy policies to help scamsters easily take away money from the system," said Sibal.

A study conducted by the government with the help of independent research agency reveals that if corruption increases by at least five times and that money put in the Swiss banks, the Rupee will appreciate by 5% helping the economy to recover fast.

"According to simple economic theory if you reduce the supply of commodity from the market, price of that commodity appreciates," said the study manager Neeraj Kumar.

Adding to new measures to improve the black money situation in India, Kapil Sibal said "Government is also thinking of measures like FDI in corruption and scams, which are most luring areas for the foreign investors."

Indian political parties and media are conducting extensive studies across the country to find out historical evidences and current trends over how to fool voters ahead of elections. These players are also taking help from independent research agencies to understand changing tastes of Indians.

"Yes! Actually, voter profile is so dynamic that it is difficult to arrive at any conclusion. Yesterday, their demand was something else while now it might have changed dramatically. So fooling these idiots is not that easy and become a big question for all of us," said Senior Congress leader, Digvijay Singh.

Singh said "Fooling can be done by two ways. One is bringing hot topic which is currently discussed by the nation. Second is diverting the attention from the current topic. We think we have mastered in both areas and BJP is far away from us."

Process of Fooling People

Many political parties are taking help from independent research agencies such as AC Nielsen, Tata Strategic Management Group and Sharma Research Institute of Gorakhpur.

"Fooling Indians only on Ram Mandir and religious issue is a bit difficult today. Therefore, we added a flavor of developmental agenda with Narendra Modi," said BJP leader Sushma Swaraj.

However, she still couldn't deny about rising complications over how to fool people.

"See now Congress has played on the cards of corruption in Karnataka. We will play that card across the country but not in Karnataka because fooling Karnataka people from corruption end is not that easy. Elections in different states at different times make things more dynamic and difficult for us," she said.

Different topics occupied space in elections

Largest independent political research agency of Lucknow, Pandey & Tiwari Independent Research said that most of the parties are considering options of using scientific formulae like algorithmic and quant analysis on understanding brains of voters.

"Our esteemed client, Behen Mayawatiji has asked us to find out factors which would be used in election rallies to fix her image as the only savior of the nation and best candidate for Prime Minister. We are judging different areas and apart from her pro-Dalit image trying to give her something super lady kind of ideology," said Dayanand Sharma, CEO of Pandey & Tiwari Independent Research.

"Fooling people is not that easy. Not every time formula like religion or caste will work. Sometimes issues like regional politics, development, corruption and inflation have to be tested," said Yogendra Yadav, politics expert and leader of Aam Aadmi Party.

This time politicians are considering new issues like social media freedom, freedom for watching porn and rising population of rapists.

Experts suggests that next year's general elections will see cut-throat competition between parties over picking up issues that would help them easily fool the people of India.

"90% people vote based on caste and religion what intellectual Markandey Katju told us. He also added that 90% Indians are fools. So based on that theory 81% of Indians can be fooled by using caste & religion factors," said leaders of different political parties unanimously.

Experts also suggest that apart from picking credible issues, political parties with easily diverting the attention from current events also do well in the elections.

Ranks of Political parties with capabilities of diverting attention from real issue

Unaware of the real political games, few Indians still believe that Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi will take India to somewhere from nowhere.

"We are confident that Narendra Modi is the only person whom we were waiting for last 65 years. At least now he would take India somewhere," said Durgaprasad Tiwari who saw India's independence from his eyes.

Reports suggest that few Indians (nos withheld) were still thinking that some guy from some place would come and take Indian top job and will fully change India. These people still innocently believe that there are people who work for nation and not for themselves and change the society. They think that Modi is among those people.

Prominent shop keeper activist, Shankar Joshi said "We think that Modi will bring development with him. He will be revolutionary. He would throw FDI retail out of India. He would make India self sufficient so that no export and no import will be allowed. People would buy only from Mom & Pop grocery shops."

Few others believe that Modi would increase the benefits of globalization for India.

"I think Modi will bring lots and lots of money through foreign direct investment in India. If he becomes Prime Minister, process of FDI in retail will be on fast track," said a senior official of Reliance Retail.

Farmers argued that Modi is the only person who would maintain subsidies while businessmen and industry lobbies said that he was the best suited guy to open up the economy and reduce unnecessary subsidies.

"We certainly are among those people who are optimistic and believe that there are people who are selfless. Modi is such a person so we think he is the best candidate for Prime Minister of India," said a Delhi based social activist.

However, according to Narendra Modi he feels he would become mad if so many different demands come to him.

"Better be 2014 comes a bit late. God knows for what reason I am working and giving so many commitments and thrashing Congress in a big way. Oh no, if the demand of all these few people come true, I will have to sit on Manmohan's throne," said Narendra Modi thinking about his future.