Actor Sanjay Dutt — who has is currently out on a 14-day furlough from Yerawada Central Jail — has received a 14-day extension, for a health vacation. Jail authorities confirmed that Dutt is eligible for this kind of 28 days leave in every three to six months.

"We don't want it to make a situation that people will scare to come to jail. It is a very friendly place and people can come and go anytime, enjoy the work atmosphere and get income benefits as well. After this move, Sanjay Dutt will be a classic example for the nation which has created unnecessary propaganda against the jail," said Jail Constable Sameer Kamble.

Kamble said "Dutt is not in imprisonment but he is a working fellow as like others. So he is eligible for the leave as other workers. We are also going to give him retirement benefits as and when he will complete his duty in next 2.5 years."

According to sources, Sanjay Dutt will get pension of Rs 1500 per month and PF of Rs1.25 Lakh which would help him to live a comfortable retirement life. It will also help him to secure his life if his kids kick on his ass and throw him out of his house, said sources.

Determine to remove peace, prosperity and safety from the country, whole Pakistan welcome bomb blast in Peshawar and committed its whole hearted support to war for terrorism. The nation celebrated the event with fire crackers and sweets.

"The nation is enjoying another blast which is meant to kill our own citizens. I am now waiting for my turn. I support all the terror organizations and Pakistan's political leaders to evacuate me and my family from the earth," said Hamid Mir, a Karachi based citizen.

A car bomb devastated a street in Peshawar on Sunday, killing at least 42 people and raising more questions of Pakistan's in safe-guarding their own citizens. However, in major turn to the event, Pakistan welcomed the attack and demanded more such slaughters in other cities.

Most of the citizens distributed sweets and are eager to lighten firecrackers in the night to celebrate the event.

"We are very happy that Pakistan today has become 100% terror nation and would love to endorse our support to take this good cause forward," said Abdur Rehman, a Lahor based engineer.

He said "We are very supportive to all the terror organizations which like to kill people in Pakistan, India, Russia and Afghanistan. We will feel worshipped when these terrorists will kill us. We thank Pakistan with the bottom of heart for creating such an insecure environment for our lives. Keep focusing on India and we are ready for another blast."

Pakistan's Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif who is present at UN General Assembly in America said that he is really happy that despite his absence in the country, the blasts never stopped. He also thanked the entire nation to giving him wholehearted support on the great cause of removing peace loving population from the country and helping terrorists to implement their violent rule.

"We are committed to all terrorist organizations and our own military to create conducive environment for vanishing peace loving people from the earth and create more and more insanity in our country. I will never allow Pakistan to be called as safest country on the earth," said Pakistan's Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif in a press conference in USA.

Nawaz Sharif said that he was committed towards increasing terrorist activities not only in Pakistan but also in India and other countries. He also graduated his support and never ending love towards Lashkar e Taiba Chief Hafiz Saeed at one more level.

"I told India's Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh that I only obey to my inner sense and Hafiz Bhaijaan and I am more and more committed to insanity, violence and inhumane approach towards my native Pakistanis and Indian citizens. This way I will remove dim-witted peace loving citizens who only like some stupid ideas such as peace and sanity. Thus by supporting more and more lunatic terrorists and killing thousands of people in Pakistan and India I will be very happy," said Nawaz sharif.

He said "Manmohan Singh then told me 'Theek Hai'."

Showing his interest to embrace progress, Lashkar-e-Taiba Hafiz Saeed expressed his intention of using condoms while having sex with his male partners.

"Right now I am trying to understand how condom is made. Is anything against religious feelings has been used? After confirming all these things I will start using it," said Hafiz Saeed in a packed press conference, looking at his boyfriend and personal secretary Sayyed Jawahiri very passionately.

Hafiz Saeed is India's most wanted terrorist who is popular as social activist in Pakistan. According to sources, he has devoted his life to Pakistan providing a lot of charitable aide to the country. He also has illegal relationship with Pakistan Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif, which is still to be confirmed by Pakistan authorities. Currently, he is trying to inculcate progress and modernization in Pakistan by adopting various techniques.

"Condoms will be first step and steadily I will start using more modern techniques for sexual pleasure," said Hafiz Saeed. He confirmed that he never has smelled any bath soap as well.

Lashkar-e-Taiba terrorist Abdul Karim Tunda requested Delhi Jail Authorities to arrange special screening of crime flick Once Upon Ay Time In Mumbai Dobaara (OUATIMD) according to sources in Delhi Jail.

"Tunda is always thrilled about the Indian crime stories and obsessed about the retro style herogiri chaap mafias. He said that watching OUATIMD will help him learn more about Dawood Ibrahim," said a constable in Delhi Jail. The authorities confirmed Tunda's demand and asked movie producer Balaji Motion Pictures to arrange a special screening.

Tunda's demand has immense significance as the movie was already watched by Mafia King Dawood Ibrahim in Pakistan.

"It opens up a bigger untapped audience in Pakistan for Bollywood producers," said retired Director and Bollywood expert, Mahesh Bhatt "We will love to make movies for wider audience like terrorists, criminals and Talibanis." Mahesh Bhatt also congratulated Ekta Kapoor, the movie producer for her great efforts on the script and the originality of the idea like love triangle of criminals and mafias.

According to sources, Tunda told jail authorities that he heard OUATIMD was the most original movie in the history of Indian cinema, however, banned in Pakistan and therefore decided to personally visit in India to watch the movie.

"Tunda confirmed us that he himself decided to hand him to us so that he could watch the movie," said the source.

The movie was not just popular among all the criminals but also among Indians and Pakistanis (downloaded through torrents). According to an independent survey agency Balaji Motions Survey, OUATIMD is the only movie that covered Dawood's life extensively. The surveyor claims that 99% Indians believe that OUATIMD was best crime movie in the Indian history and all others were rubbish. The surveyor also claimed that Dawood Ibrahim in Pakistan personally saw the movie and gave it 5 stars.

"Audience also compared OUATIMD with other crime related sagas like Chennai Express and gave 6 stars against 5 stars. Now Tunda's demand for a special screening of the movie means real payout to the efforts of director and producers of the film," said Ekta Kapoor, Chief Surveyor of Balaji Motions Survey.

Ekta Kapoor said "I congratulate the movie producer Ekta Kapoor and say thanks to her, bowing my head down for bringing such a fantabulous art in front of the Indian audience. I request her to continue this kind of efforts for the well being of criminals, an underrated audience of Indian movies."

In a major proof that Pakistan army is involved in the killings of Indian soldiers, India's intelligence agency Research & Analysis Wing found video tapes of Lashkar-e-Taiba (LeT) Chief Hafiz Saeed showing his penis to Pakistan Army personnel as well as terrorists who were to cross border and attack Indian soldiers.

"We found these tapes from our sources in Pakistan military. Saeed came to border just 2 days back before the attacks took place. He satisfied all Pakistan Army soldiers and terrorists with his sexual indulgence. He let them handle his short penis and ass hole till they felt fulfilled and promised them that if they complete the task they can handle him as like their slave. The source said that 99% Pakistan army is actually proven gay and dreams illicit relationship with Hafiz Saeed," said a source from RAW.

Hafiz Saeed is known for his extreme terrorism with focus on provoking Pakistan people as well as army personnel to attack on India.

"Those guys believe in voyeurism and like to see Saeed dancing naked and giving different poses. Even according to our sources, Kasab was one time boy friend of Hafiz Saeed," said the source from RAW.

The source also added that Saeed is in demand from Chinese military, including Chinese Army chief, Talibanis and Al-Qaida terrorists.

Popular horizontal cinema director, Sanjay Leela Bhansali announced his plans to direct remake of 3Idiots after completion of his current venture 'Ram Leela'. The director will use Ishrat Jahan case as a platform for the remake of 3Idiots.

"I love copying all type of grim movies in more and more sadist way. This time I thought of new idea and wanted to convert a funny and positive movie into one of the saddest movies in the history of World cinema," said Sanjay Leela Bhansali.

Bhansali announced his new directorial venture in a packed press conference in Mumbai. Bhansali is famous for converting old films and into films with polished sets and different indigestible colours. Colours in some of his films like Saawaria, Guzaarish and Devdaas were appreciated by public in Zumbu Planet.

Talking to the media reporters, Bhansali said "This movie is not a copy from any other movie. It will have an original plot. It will be a story of 3 innocent babies along with one girl who were murdered in the name of Police encounter. You can consider this film as a next part of 3Idiots. The movie will show positive 3 idiots gradually becoming negative and sadist 3 idiots and finally ended their life to Police bullets. This venture will make you cry. It will convert you into one of the most negative persons in the world."

While colour of the film is still undecided, Bhansali promised that sets will be much better than his earlier films.

"This time I am going to use background of Rozambu planet for the movie. The movie will go on floors after completion of my stupid venture 'Ram Leela'," said great director Bhansali.

After getting Rs 61 million aid from Pakistan for his outfit Jamaat-Ud-Dawah, Lashkar-e-Toiba founder and 2008 Mumbai attacks mastermind Hafiz Mohammad Saeed demanded lakhs of gay porn movies to improve sentiments of Jihadi terrorists, as reported by Pakistan leading daily 'Dawn'.

"Porn is required. Otherwise how would they get motivated to do nasty thing like killing innocent people. I want at least 7 lakh more porn movies to give a heavy dosage to all my bachchas so that they can fire power against Kaafir India," said Hafiz Saeed in an exclusive interview with the correspondent of Dawn.

Saeed confirmed that the porn movies should be in gay form rather than hardcore porn.

"I don't like straight sex. I like watching gay movies. My boys also become nastier with me on bed and perform like real terrorists whenever they watch these movies," said shy Saeed to Dawn reporter. He said that while most of the money would be spent on buying western porn not all the money he can put porn movies.

"We have to keep few bucks in our pocket for some urgency purposes like buying vegetables," said Saeed. 

After a series of self ass hitting kicks, conservative leader of Kashmir and hardline Hurriyat Conference leader Syed Ali Shah Geelani swelled his ass into red blaming Central Government for the situation.

"This was because of the Government's stubborn behavior towards us, the separatist Kashmiris. Look at this, look at how because of Govt's adamant behavior I am hitting on my butts for thousand times in a day just like an insane and mad man (Geelani started hitting his ass again and again with vigour and energy)," said Geelani to the reporters, proving his statement that because of Govt's 'aggressive' and stubborn policy on Kashmir the youth of the valley took up the arms.

Geelani then kicked his ass for 100 more times in front of reporters and sat down on a corner of the room with his hukka just like nothing has happened. 

Finally to take revenge of attack on Indian democracy, Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi took AK-56 in his hands. After watching him gun in his hand, Congress Party workers shouted unanimously "Rahul Baba in Vengeance, Rahul Baba ki Jai. Maoism is now vanished fully. Democracy ki Jai."

"Boss! I can't tolerate indiscipline in India. It is not an attack on Congress. It is an attack on democracy. Now I am going to teach them a lesson. I will shoot each and every Mao, dhadhad dhadhad dhadhad dharrraaakkkk trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…," Rahul Gandhi voiced in similar fashion as like machine gun do.

Addressing to Congress leaders said "I will not tolerate anybody. I will hit everybody. Dhishum dhishum (punches). Mummy is soft with all Maoists but I am not. I am just like her." Rahul Gandhi moved his finger towards Mamata Banerjee's photo.

Gandhi also carried few hand grenades with him just to show Maoists how it sounds when the noise come 'dhoom dhoom'.

"He is well equipped to destroy all the camps of Maoists. He will first visit them and ask for sabzi roti. If still they refuse with indiscipline, he would take the revenge with his gun," said the event planner Digvijay Singh.

Recalling the Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi's statement that 99 per cent of the terror attacks had been stopped in the country, thanks to various measures, including improved intelligence, India today said hard biting truth.

"99 per cent of the Naxal and Maoist attacks had been stopped in the country over politicians, thanks to various measures taken by the UPA Government," said India.

India said that she was convinced about her security and peaceful life after Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi in July 2011, addressing a press conference at Bhubaneswar, a day after serial bombings in Mumbai killed at least 17 people and injured more than 130, called for efforts to stop terrorist attacks in the country.

"It is very difficult to stop any single terrorist attack," Rahul said that time, adding that 99 percent of the attacks have been stopped. "We must stop 100 percent attack."

Rahul also convinced India that time by saying "We are responding to it in a quite organised fashion."

India recalled all those events at the time after Rahul considered on the deadly Maoist attack on his party leaders in Chhattisgarh as an attack on democracy itself.

"It is not an attack on Congress. It is an attack on democracy. But, we'll not fear from such an attack and continue to move forward with enthusiasm," Gandhi told reporters at the Raipur Congress Bhawan soon after his arrival at about 2am.

However, India congratulated Rahul and said "It is very difficult to stop any single naxal and maoist attack. But 99 percent of the attacks have been stopped. We must stop 100 percent attack."

She also said "We know the UPA Government will respond to it in a quite organised fashion, as usual."

Arthur Road Jail based mosquitoes immensely disappointed, after they came to know that Sanjay Dutt was carrying mosquito repellent with himself for next 1 month.

"We were totally disappointed and couldn't sleep for last night just because he came with a mosquito repellent," said a Mosquito from Sanjay Dutt's jail.

Initially, Sanjay Dutt was worried about hygiene and poor conditions of jail. He also told to a Mumbai based tabloid that he would never survive without fans, pillows and mosquito repellents.

But in a major relief for the actor, the court granted him access to home-cooked food, mattress and pillows for a month. However, the mosquito repellent that Sanjay Dutt carried with himself created nightmares for jail based mosquitoes.

"We thought we would get a good bulky flesh to eat for a while. Earlier, we were a bit let down that he was trying for Yerawada Jail. We were badly jealous with Pune's mosquitoes. Still we were convinced with the fact that we will have biryani for at least next few days. But court just threw water on our burning intentions," said a senior mosquito from the cell. He also told that mosquitoes bought all kind of spices required to prepare best of kinds of biryani.

According to sources, few mosquitoes complained jailor about dramatic rise in pollution levels during the night that created suffocation among the mosquitoes. The sources said that Sanjay Dutt used Kachwa Chaap machchar agarbatti in the night.

"Jailor assured us that he would make some arrangement that will help us eat his flesh, suck the blood and still wouldn't adversely impacted by that repellent," said one of the mosquitoes.