Following is the checklist/guide which you wanted before deciding anything about Krrish 3.

Things you should know about Krrish 3

¨       Obviously, it is better than Guzaarish but not better than Ra-one – sources

¨       Movie is made for kids but adults are also allowed – Rakesh Roshan, movie's director.

¨       Two 'rr' in Krrish 3 title is inspired from Kangana Ranaut's strange accent…. Krrriiirrrrrrr krrrrriiiirrrrrr… - sources

¨       Movie director Rakesh Roshan told viewers not to watch Krrish 3 if they already watched Superman – Man of Steel.

¨       Kids disheartened after they came to know about so many kissing scenes in the movie. They protested against Censor board for not cutting the kissing / liplock scenes from the movie, kids association declared ban on the movie. Police issued a high alert as intelligence said Indian kids would burn theaters across the country.

¨       Script has considered most of the Hollywood super hero movies like Superman, Spiderman, Hulk, X-Men, Iron Man, etc. The script also gave due importance to Indian super hero movies like Shiva Ka Insaaf, Ra-One, Rajanikanth flicks and masterpiece serial 'Shaktimaan', said Rakesh Roshan. Alert- Movie is not 6 hours duration.

¨       Movie is unique from other English super hero films in terms of all the family mixture, respect to Pappa, Mummy and granny, love to wife, dreams of extra marital affairs, emotional melodrama, etc.

¨       Krrish 3's Pappa (Hrithik himself) looks irritating. He has put a lot of overacting in the film. Many who watched the movie said Johny Lever would have been better choice.

¨       Movie is damn boring – sources

¨       Rakesh Roshan thrashed all the rumours that the movie is based on Rahul Gandhi's life.

¨       Shahrukh will decide sequel of Ra-One based on success of Krrish 3

¨       Priyanka Chopra tried to give sensible expressions with little clothes. Sources said first time in her life she showed her true smile and not fake one, though people still can't believe it.  Note: clothes are marginally more than the real nudity, sensible.

¨       Contest – Whose smile is more fake/plastic one, Aishwarya or Priyanka? Please give your answers in the comments section.

¨       Vivek Oberoi will officially be declared as defunct hero and useless villain after this movie. Uday Chopra plans his comeback as a villain in Krrish 4.

¨       It is better than Grand Masti and Himmatwala – sources

¨       Kangana Ranaut tried to talk in English. She gave expressionless witchy looks in most of the scenes. Caution – Whenever she shouts in the film a voice of kiiirrrrrrrrrr …, which is likeable to all vampires and devils. So stay cautious on your seats – Issued in public interest

¨       This movie will confirm Kangana don't look sexy – Rakesh Roshan

¨       Special force of makeup men called from Polish cinema to remove Hrithik's sick and ugly looks that continued from Guzaarish.

¨       Movie is better than Ram Leela – sources

Disclaimer: Movie is neither based on Rahul Gandhi's life nor Narendra Modi's life. It is neither secular nor communal. It is neither fun nor entertainment.

India Satire presents a guide to Ram Gopal Varma's (RGV) upcoming movie Satya 2. This guide can be used as a movie preview. Person who reads this guide and still wants to go to the movie then go with full preparation of mind. India Satire highly recommends reading this guide to its audience.

Entertainment Quotient: He he he… Nothing

Risk Levels: Highest, carry your helmets to save your brains

Things you may want to know about Satya 2

What do you want to know?

Nothing

Who the hell created this movie and why?

This is Ram Gopal Varma's movie. Even he is searching why he is still directing movies, may be because of his unconditional for nasty movies and audience. An independent study by MIT said that it will take at least 751 years more to digest RGV's movies by sane mind.

Who will watch this movie?

Possibly, you may not watch after reading this preview / guide. RGV and Amitabh will definitely watch with few unfortunates from the film crew.

Is it a Satya's sequel?

Who told you it is Satya's sequel? This is a sequel of RGV's blockbuster 'RGV ki Aag' which he himself watched at least 100 times.

Is RGV's captive actor Amitabh working in the film?

Amitabh Bachchan regrets for not working in Satya 2. It was his nasty dream to complete at least 25 bizarre films. Earlier he was in Sarkaar Raj, Nishabd, RGV ki Aag and few more wacky films from RGV's basket.

Is it better than Mithun's 90s epic Gundaa?

RGV said the movie is better than Mithun's Gundaa

Who is the hero and why the hell he is working with RGV?

RGV paid around 1 crore to the unnamed hero for keeping expressionless face throughout the movie

What are the critics recommending, particularly greats like Taran Adarsh?

RGV met Bollywood Hungama's Taran Adarsh to convince him for giving at least five stars to the film. According to sources, Taran Adarsh agreed.

Is this a typical predictable movie?

Nothing is predictable in the movie. Everything is unpredictable like gang wars, hero dies in the end, mafia raaj, different strategies to kill enemies, cool expressions, expressionless faces making some stupid strategies that look intelligent, words of wisdom from some penniless gundaa, few disenchanting sex scenes and everything that you know about RGV's crime movie.

Who is villain?

Few ridiculous and heinous looking south Indian faces will be villains along with RGV.

What are the chances of box office success for the movie?

The movie will be the biggest hit of the year in Andhra Pradesh, said sources.

Which one would be better Satya 2 or Ram Leela?

Both are from similar genre 'ridiculous' and from similar kind of directors 'insane', so choice is yours.

What are India Satire's recommendations?

Helmets are allowed in the theatres. Please carry them and wear them while watching Satya 2. If you get bored then allow your wife to talk, it would be better entertainment.

The India Satire brings you a complete guide of Sanjay Leela Bhansali's upcoming movie 'Ram Leela'. Caution should be maintained as this guide may or may not affect your decision of watching movie.

¨       Ram Leela is nothing but love story of two weird persons with strange and bizarre. They have awful looking parents who in the end kill them, ending a three hours torture of audience. In between, you will be able to watch sofa, chair, table and doors.

¨       The movie is exact polished replica of Ishaqzaade which is copied from Romeo Juliet.

¨       According to sources, Sanjay Leela Bhansali watched the climax of Ram Leela for at least 35 times and was happy that the lovers were killed. The sources said that every time he watched the climax he became more and more happy. However, he felt regret that those two lovers were not killed at least thrice in the movie by showing their reincarnation.

¨       The film is made using a colour combination of red, black, blue, grey and golden. Bhansali never used so many colours in one movie. This is first time. Adequate care had been taken that audience will not be able to see more colours than mentioned above.

¨       Sets are imported from Planet XTUV 25003, just 2760 million miles away from our mother earth.

¨       Ram Leela represents Medieval India. However, Bhansali took a cinematic liberty and allow all the characters to talk in English as well.

¨       Actress Deepika Padukone is the only person in the movie who is allowed to wear small clothes. She will be showing her skinny assets throughout the movie by contrasting others.

¨       According to sources, Bhansali covered faces of male mob which looks better than movie hero Ranveer Singh. The sources confirmed that sofa, chair, table and different sets gave more expressions than Ranveer.

¨       Audience can recognize villainous people in the movie through their black attire, black ornaments and black bindis. The sources said that Bhansali took this idea from TV serials after extensive research.

¨       Based on the movie's story, Chetan Bhagat will write a novel, first time.

¨       People yet to believe that different legal tussles before the movie release will help it to become successful.

¨       Indian audience is yet to decide whether to watch this movie or not. 90% of them said that they would watch to see sets, colours and people with weird expressions otherwise original Romeo Juliet is fine.

¨       The movie will again confirm that Sanjay Leela Bhansali is sadist person on the earth. Taking inspiration from Bhansali, Film Fare plans to introduce Best Movie Award in sadist category from next year.

The India Satire brings you everything you want to know about Akshay Kumar's upcoming movie 'Boss'.

¨       As name suggests, the movie is totally ridiculous and boring. Only watchable scenes are when Sonakshi Sinha lifts Akshay Kumar thrice in the movie.

¨       Producers clearly told reporters that helmets would not be provided to audience and no guarantee for their brains. "People will have to bring their own helmets. We can't provide guarantee for their brains from draining after watching such a stupid movie," said producers.

¨       Movie promotions have begun, the movie poster entered in Guinness World Records, toppling some mad poster of Michael Jackson.

¨       However, promotions are yet to touch some communal and legal angle. No community till date said that the movie hurts its feelings. Also no man/woman has claimed that movie's story, song, action, romance or acting has been copied from his real life incidents.

¨       The movie is not based on Chetan Bhagat's upcoming novel.

¨       Akshay Kumar added one new expression. He will give eye expression behind goggles.

¨       Producers announced rewards for predicting this unusual story. Winners will get 2 tickets of first row of the movie's first day first show.

¨       Akshay Kumar confirmed that the movie's story is unusual. This time he will fight for the rights of depressed, suppressed and deprived people unlike his earlier ones in which he used to fight for the rights of depressed, suppressed and deprived people.

¨       Producers confirmed that the movie is not the sequel or remake of 'Khiladi 786' though it looks like from the promos.

¨       According to sources, a person who saw first visuals of the movie for 10 minutes said "Boss, please stop this nonsense."

After disastrous Devdas, Saawariya and Guzaarish, few people in India still showed their willingness to watch Sanjay Leela Bhansali's (SLB) new movie 'Ram Leela'. People in India advocated their decisions using varied justifications. Though all of them are convinced that SLB's movies are sheer bullshit but still they want to watch his new venture.

Reasons

¨       Like to watch bullshit so that criticizing and abusing SLB gives great satisfaction

¨       Wants to see how a guy wastes huge money on the sets while actors and actresses behave like dumb spectators in the movie

¨       Wants to see how SLB trashes some original sensible story, plot and direction

¨       Still have some hopes from him

¨       Wants to watch sets and colours; who cares about story and direction

¨       Sometimes likes to cry and abuse self for making same stupidity

¨       Like to see creation of depressed and sadist person

¨       Feels like intellectual and can discuss on what SLB wanted to talk about in the movie

¨       Like to waste some time because girlfriend / wife / mummy likes it

As the UPA Government is pushing food security bill for 67% of India's population through ordinance route this monsoon session, India's rest 33% section of population is wondering how he will benefit from such bill and feels regretted for not coming under BPL or the economically weaker section category. If you are rich and wealthy, but still if you want to leave a legacy of being poor, deprived and hungry person to your child so that he can avail benefits of food security bill, here the India Satire brings some tips for you.

(Note: Rather than cursing Government for providing free food to huge population out of tax payer's money and adding huge amount to fiscal deficit, the India Satire brings a new and fresh approach towards food security bill so that everybody in India can benefit from it and live happily ever.)

A checklist to join the list of beneficiaries of Food Security Bill

Ö         Leave your job immediately and apply for BPL category

Ö         Ask your employer to pay salary by cash

Ö         Marry your maid/servant, take the Green Card (sorry Blue Card) and immediately file for divorce

Ö         Spend 25000 rupees up front to get ration card for poor from nearby MLA or corporate

Ö         Form an NGO protest against Government to increase the minimum limit to be a BPL family

Note: Issued in Public Interest

INFOGRAPHICS

India started asking question as actually who controls Comptroller and Auditor General of India (CAG). While general perception was that CAG was independent body reporting to India's President and presents its report to Parliament, it changed drastically after ex-CAG Officer RP Singh's allegation and Sonia Gandhi's frustration.

After Congress Chief Sonia Gandhi's statement that the BJP stood exposed in terms of the role it had played in calculating loss figures on the 2G report the nation is now seriously started doubting about controller of CAG, whether it is President of India or UPA or BJP. Ramesh Sharma, a common man on the streets of India's some small town highlighted few points on the 2G saga:

• If CAG is an independent agency then what is the harm if it listens to BJP and make some report
• Why not both Kapil Sibal and CAG should allow to write reports? Only similar points should be allowed to qualify
• Confusion is that whether Manish Tewari is a minister or party spokesperson. Or whether Information and Broadcasting Ministry is a PR agency of UPA, ah sorry Congress Party
• To go to the root of the scam, first find out how much bill Murli Manohar Joshi pays through his mobile phone. Much can be discovered there.
• Is Nitin Gadkari on the Board of CAG, Government should clarify that first
• Neither we are going to get anything nor the government is going to loose anything then why rhetoric
• Show us the money how much have collected after CAG report
• Murli Manohar Joshi can clarify what dishes CAG head Vinod Rai like. First assumption is that Rai hates Pizza and Burger.
• Sometimes public looks fool when it sees that 2G case is still to be resolved. Oh Bofors case is also still to be resolved, I believe.