In a candid chat with the India Satire correspondent, Salman Khurshid confirmed that he always felt like idiot while defending UPA Government's stupid policies. Minister of External Affairs, however, asked the India Satire to maintain confidentiality and disclose it only in front of its readers.

"I really feel I am a big hoodwink when I say that this policy of UPA is good that policy is good and defend it," said Salman Khurshid "However, in reality from bottom of my heart all those policies are stupid ones and one should not believe that in return they would really meant for the welfare of people."

Salman Khurshid told correspondent "What all kind of garbage policies these people come up with. Forget policies these guys have no intention to break the policy paralysis and reduce inflation. I feel fucking whenever I say something else and I have something other in my mind."

First time in his marred life, India's Law Minister Kapil Sibal won an argument against his wife, Promila Sibal, said sources present at the event. According to sources, Sibal was trying to justify the inevitable increase in the milk and onion prices.

"When he came from his office Promilaji straight asked him stinging question why prices are rising," said Sanjay, a sweeper in Kapil Sibal's house.

Promilaji was already angry over rise in onion prices but her angst exploded when dudhwala bhaiyaa hiked milk prices, said Sanjay.

He said "Sibalji tried to justify her that there is zero loss till he was minister in the UPA government so she should not need to worry. He also told her that price rise is inevitable as the poor and deprived should get money from some pockets and that are of well to do middle class."

"Reacting to his barbs, Promilaji immediately told him in that case she would vote Narendra Modi," said Sanjay "The argument continue to go on and till Promilaji called him stupid and Sibalji ended the conversation by calling her 'shut up you communal'."

Following is the checklist/guide which you wanted before deciding anything about Krrish 3.

Things you should know about Krrish 3

¨       Obviously, it is better than Guzaarish but not better than Ra-one – sources

¨       Movie is made for kids but adults are also allowed – Rakesh Roshan, movie's director.

¨       Two 'rr' in Krrish 3 title is inspired from Kangana Ranaut's strange accent…. Krrriiirrrrrrr krrrrriiiirrrrrr… - sources

¨       Movie director Rakesh Roshan told viewers not to watch Krrish 3 if they already watched Superman – Man of Steel.

¨       Kids disheartened after they came to know about so many kissing scenes in the movie. They protested against Censor board for not cutting the kissing / liplock scenes from the movie, kids association declared ban on the movie. Police issued a high alert as intelligence said Indian kids would burn theaters across the country.

¨       Script has considered most of the Hollywood super hero movies like Superman, Spiderman, Hulk, X-Men, Iron Man, etc. The script also gave due importance to Indian super hero movies like Shiva Ka Insaaf, Ra-One, Rajanikanth flicks and masterpiece serial 'Shaktimaan', said Rakesh Roshan. Alert- Movie is not 6 hours duration.

¨       Movie is unique from other English super hero films in terms of all the family mixture, respect to Pappa, Mummy and granny, love to wife, dreams of extra marital affairs, emotional melodrama, etc.

¨       Krrish 3's Pappa (Hrithik himself) looks irritating. He has put a lot of overacting in the film. Many who watched the movie said Johny Lever would have been better choice.

¨       Movie is damn boring – sources

¨       Rakesh Roshan thrashed all the rumours that the movie is based on Rahul Gandhi's life.

¨       Shahrukh will decide sequel of Ra-One based on success of Krrish 3

¨       Priyanka Chopra tried to give sensible expressions with little clothes. Sources said first time in her life she showed her true smile and not fake one, though people still can't believe it.  Note: clothes are marginally more than the real nudity, sensible.

¨       Contest – Whose smile is more fake/plastic one, Aishwarya or Priyanka? Please give your answers in the comments section.

¨       Vivek Oberoi will officially be declared as defunct hero and useless villain after this movie. Uday Chopra plans his comeback as a villain in Krrish 4.

¨       It is better than Grand Masti and Himmatwala – sources

¨       Kangana Ranaut tried to talk in English. She gave expressionless witchy looks in most of the scenes. Caution – Whenever she shouts in the film a voice of kiiirrrrrrrrrr …, which is likeable to all vampires and devils. So stay cautious on your seats – Issued in public interest

¨       This movie will confirm Kangana don't look sexy – Rakesh Roshan

¨       Special force of makeup men called from Polish cinema to remove Hrithik's sick and ugly looks that continued from Guzaarish.

¨       Movie is better than Ram Leela – sources

Disclaimer: Movie is neither based on Rahul Gandhi's life nor Narendra Modi's life. It is neither secular nor communal. It is neither fun nor entertainment.

Talking about sudden aggression in Rahul's speeches, one senior Congress leader confirmed that the party removed a small defective part from his brain and now the puppet is ready to take on Narendra Modi and BJP.

"We recently fixed one damaged part and removed another defective one," said Congress General Secretary and spokesperson Digvijay Singh who also mentored Rahul in his early days of politics.

Digvijay Singh told India Satire correspondent that the repairing work was taken after complaints from regional as well as few senior Congress leaders over lacking of aggression and enthusiasm in Rahul's speeches.

"The repairing work was necessary. Now after this repairing work, Rahul has become a perfect PM candidate and would listen exactly perform as we ask him too," said Digvijay Singh.

Talking about the issues which the party leaders fixed, he said "We fixed issues related to secularism by putting some more drama in the floppy of his brain and we removed defective part called wisdom which was still there in his brain, a minor quantity of 2%. Now he is perfect and can give provocative and aggressive speeches and can also take on Modi one on one."

Digvijay Singh in his ending remarks "Finally, what actually matters is that is he ready to become best puppet in our hands. Ha ha ha."

India Satire presents a guide to Ram Gopal Varma's (RGV) upcoming movie Satya 2. This guide can be used as a movie preview. Person who reads this guide and still wants to go to the movie then go with full preparation of mind. India Satire highly recommends reading this guide to its audience.

Entertainment Quotient: He he he… Nothing

Risk Levels: Highest, carry your helmets to save your brains

Things you may want to know about Satya 2

What do you want to know?

Nothing

Who the hell created this movie and why?

This is Ram Gopal Varma's movie. Even he is searching why he is still directing movies, may be because of his unconditional for nasty movies and audience. An independent study by MIT said that it will take at least 751 years more to digest RGV's movies by sane mind.

Who will watch this movie?

Possibly, you may not watch after reading this preview / guide. RGV and Amitabh will definitely watch with few unfortunates from the film crew.

Is it a Satya's sequel?

Who told you it is Satya's sequel? This is a sequel of RGV's blockbuster 'RGV ki Aag' which he himself watched at least 100 times.

Is RGV's captive actor Amitabh working in the film?

Amitabh Bachchan regrets for not working in Satya 2. It was his nasty dream to complete at least 25 bizarre films. Earlier he was in Sarkaar Raj, Nishabd, RGV ki Aag and few more wacky films from RGV's basket.

Is it better than Mithun's 90s epic Gundaa?

RGV said the movie is better than Mithun's Gundaa

Who is the hero and why the hell he is working with RGV?

RGV paid around 1 crore to the unnamed hero for keeping expressionless face throughout the movie

What are the critics recommending, particularly greats like Taran Adarsh?

RGV met Bollywood Hungama's Taran Adarsh to convince him for giving at least five stars to the film. According to sources, Taran Adarsh agreed.

Is this a typical predictable movie?

Nothing is predictable in the movie. Everything is unpredictable like gang wars, hero dies in the end, mafia raaj, different strategies to kill enemies, cool expressions, expressionless faces making some stupid strategies that look intelligent, words of wisdom from some penniless gundaa, few disenchanting sex scenes and everything that you know about RGV's crime movie.

Who is villain?

Few ridiculous and heinous looking south Indian faces will be villains along with RGV.

What are the chances of box office success for the movie?

The movie will be the biggest hit of the year in Andhra Pradesh, said sources.

Which one would be better Satya 2 or Ram Leela?

Both are from similar genre 'ridiculous' and from similar kind of directors 'insane', so choice is yours.

What are India Satire's recommendations?

Helmets are allowed in the theatres. Please carry them and wear them while watching Satya 2. If you get bored then allow your wife to talk, it would be better entertainment.

Divine saint turned rapist, sorry rapist turned divine saint oh sorry again, Asaram Bapu who is currently in jail on rape charges said that he will follow celibacy if Court lets him go to his ashram.

"That's not difficult for the divine saints like me. We can easily switch from rapes to celibacy for eternity. If Court wants me to show self-restraint then how difficult is that. I can go and follow it in the ashram," said Asaram Bapu in an exclusive interview to India Satire correspondent.

Asaram Bapu was charged for raping a minor in Rajasthan. However, he continuously denied the allegations. This is first time that he confirmed his crime in front of public.

"How does that matter? I will stop raping and would make my life divine by indulging only in masturbation," said Bapu.