Mahatma Gandhi talks on Asaram Bapu

Special Guest Column

I believe in peace and I was having a long peaceful rest after 1948 when India Satire called me asking my opinion on Asaram Bapu and rest other leaders which are proposing few peaceful ideas tackling the rapes in India.

When I left for a long peaceful journey in 1948, I thought India would be in the hands of few good people who would emulate my love of Brahmacharya. However, as days progressed I came to know that Brahmacharya left India long back same day I left. I thought things would be normal and peace would come back. But it didn't happen again. Look at the rape scenarios in India, so many people are indulging in nasty attractions that are so inadequately describes my idea of ideal Bharat.

I have to stick to my topic over talking on Asaram Bapu and similar leaders like him who offer peaceful solutions to control the rape situations in India. I came to know that he suggested the girl who recently left this insane world to cry and beg in front of rapists while chanting Saraswati mantra in her mind and calling them bhaiyya. Wow that's cool suggestion I have ever heard. I really love this suggestion. It can be a prequel to my suggestion to the world just put your one cheek before the person who hit hard on the other one. Love you Asaramji for using my name Bapu in an orderly manner. However, just it would be better if you remove that Bapu name from backwards of your name and put Pandu before you would give great justice to your advice.

Analysing his idea of peaceful solution gives a pleasant surprise to me. I thought calling British a bhaiya would work. However, it didn't and therefore I had to tell them Chale jaao. Now Asaramji's suggestion therefore gives result that rapists must be milder than Britishers. Calling them bhaiyaa would be a weird idea. I don't believe any girl want her brother to be rapist. At least I don't really perceive this idea. Third one is Saraswatiji is busy these days in helping students to crack CAT, XAT, GRE, GMAT and many other kind of useless exams. I recently read a newspaper article which said that sadly a guy with 99.7 percentalie shouldn't be sure of cracking the CAT. Sometime back only Saraswatiji told me that she is going to complain God for overwork because of stupid Indian institutions and may go on strike asking for an assistant and better pay package. Details I will reveal shortly. So the point is she is also busy in her work to assist students for their few stupid exams. So overall I believe that Asaram Bapu's suggestion may be peaceful idea but it is not really wise. It is some stupid fattu person's suggestion. I know Asaramji has already made it clear that he doesn't need to listen to all the barking dogs so that I also don't want any fattu to use my name. By the way my point is buraa mat suno, bura mat bolo aur bura mat kaho. Add to this buraa mat karo but if somebody is doing evil don't beg at him.

Few other peaceful solutions suggested by greats such as don't move out of home in the night, avoid wearing flashy and small clothes and stay in your boundaries haven't been considered due to lack of time given by India Satire.