Published On:Sunday 6 January 2013
Sir Isaac Newton talks on Dawood Ibrahim
Special Guest Column
It is very difficult to describe Dawood Ibrahim. I have never seen the complicated creature like he in this world. He is the only living creature that is to an exception to my all theories of gravitational power.
Thanks to India Satire, it now almost 287 years that I am not in news and not I wrote a single article. I saw many people writing some stupid things on me and my research. However, no credible platform actually asked me to write my opinion.
Almost for last 300 years, I am a mute spectator in this world and I think I experienced many things in these years. However, no body except the India Satire contacted me to give a fair opinion and judgement.
My experience in research field is treated as a fuckingly great and perfectly best in the world. But this nasty and stinky creature called Dawood makes its smelling shitty. He is the only exception that I found since I invented the law of gravitation. Nothing bloody, nothing even not Osama tore apart my theory but this stupid Dawood. He is stinky and murkier than the Hobbit's Golum, idiot fella.
The thing that he irritates me is the way he really broke all my research work of famous Law of Universal Gravitation. I think I consider this is the best invention that I have done so far and for that many considers me greatest and most influential scientist who ever lived. Unfortunately and most sadly, I want to say that Dawood Ibrahim, yes Dawood Ibrahim of Pakistan is only exception to that law. My law states that every point mass in the universe attracts every other point mass with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. However, Dawood who jumped from India is still to return to India again. How so unfortunate! The misery doesn't stop here. The creatures which attached to him with his magnetic force like Javed Miandad are attracted towards India which is of no use to my theory. Sucks a lot!
While I felt it was difficult to justify the law of gravitation really works when Osama bin Laden was hiding in Pakistan, he attracted great force of America and got the reaction for his action. However, what I am seeing with Javed is he is getting better and better reactions from India as well as Pakistan. This makes another case that India is also against my law of universal gravitation. Now last resort to save my theory is to take Dawood in a Helicopter and push him out without any parachute and check whether he comes down with the gravitational power of land or goes higher to another planet with his own power.
(Sir Isaac Newton is an English physicist, mathematician, astronomer, natural philosopher, alchemist and theologian, who has been considered by many to be the greatest and most influential scientist who ever lived.)