Director of 104 films which include popular epics like Himmatwala, K. Raghvendra Rao was manhandled by 4 people in Hyderabad. Condition of Raghvendra Rao is serious and he is in intensive care unit in a city based hospital.

Talking to India Satire correspondent, Police Inspector G. Ramarao said "Appa Raghvendra was on a morning walk when 4 hooligans came and assaulted him like anything. They punched him, kicked him and damaged every part of his body. Initial investigation suggests that they also used wooden sticks to beat him. Currently, Rao is unconscious and we have to wait for his recovery before taking any step. However, we have successfully arrested one of those 4 guys."

According to sources, these 4 fans were great fans of Raghvendra Rao and just to show regards towards their idol, they went to watch Sajid Khan's remake of Himmatwala in a premier show. However, after finishing they came to Raghvendra Rao's bunglow immediately and waited for him to come out of his house. As soon as Rao came out for morning walk they started hitting him like anything. The source also told India Satire correspondent that the guys looked deeply frustrated, mentally damaged and insanely tortured by the film and wanted to take revenge from Raghvendra Rao for becoming Sajid Khan's inspiration for creating such stupidest movie of all time in the history of Indian cinema.

Inspector Ramarao said "I saw the movie yesterday night and I can understand mental torture these guys faced. If talking unofficially, I sincerely have done same thing and therefore I request State Government to ban this movie to avoid any further violence and forgive these 4 guys."

News Print and TV media is lobbying with jail authorities to get first hand information on activities of Sanjay Dutt whenever he lands in jail. According to sources, media persons became aggressive in scouting friendly jail authorities after Sanjay Dutt passed a statement that he would not go for pardon.

"I have got a call from Rajdeep just after Sanjay Dutt's statement came that he would not request for pardon despite social pressure on him. Rajdeep told me to collect list of all jailors, constables and sipahis of all jails in India and call them personally with request for information after Sanjay Dutt settles in jail," said Executive Editor of CNN-IBN, leading news channel in India requesting anonymity.

He said "Rajdeep Sardesai was quite enthused with an idea of showing news about Sanjay Dutt's food intake on first day and how he managed to sleep. He was interested in knowing the kind of mattress that Sanjay Dutt would get in the jail. Did he get proper furnished room with good quality mosquito repellent or he had to cope up with mosquitoes. He also wanted to get all the details about Sanjay Dutt from morning to night in jail exclusively for viewers of CNN-IBN."

Other channels such as NDTV, Aaj Tak, India TV and Times Now were also trying for getting good contacts with jail authorities.

"We are in touch with Tihar and Yerwada jail authorities along with all other major jails in India. We requested Jailors to give us a call since Sajay Dutt wakes up and goes to toilet, takes his brush and goes for bath before providing information to any other channel. We want to cover each and every activity of Sanjay Dutt to get our audience acquaintance with his daily schedule," said Pranoy Roy of NDTV.

Roy said "We also told them that we will show jailors and constables on NDTV in a new monthly review program called 'Sanjay Dutt behind the bars – Is humanity died in India?'."

According to sources, CNN IBN's Sagarika Ghose plans for different questions in her program 'Face the Nation' on issues that Sanjay Dutt would be facing in Jail.

Ghose said "I am eager to cover Sanjay Dutt's topic extensively on the channel as it is a major blow to Narendra Modi."

While many channels are aggressively bidding for a space for Sanjay Dutt in the minds of Jail Authorities, Times Now faced a major setback after Arnab Goswami called jail personnels.

Samajwadi Party Chief, Mulayam Singh Yadav demanded a special status for himself in all the CBI cases in return of his reverent support to UPA Government.

"I saw these cheat Congressis gave special status to Bihar just Nitish Kumar demanded. I also want special status for myself in solving CBI cases. The government should call me 'backward'," said Mulayam Singh Yadav in nostalgic voice.

Mulayam Singh was talking about Centre's move to grant Bihar "backward" status, after the state's Chief Minister Nitish persistently demanded it from the UPA Government.

Yadav said "He was not even supporting Congressis in FDI retail still he is getting special status. But I was more backward when I was Chief Minister last time. The government should consider my earnings in that period and my ability to create wealth and grant me a special status in all the CBI cases."

This is my first article on the India Satire and I am happy that what I want to share would be in front of all happy Indians. First of all I want to cry again over the security of my daughter in insecure Delhi.

I am also crying for Arvind Kejriwal who is on fast for reasons like higher prices for electricity and water. I am with him. I also give him my support and if he requires any help I assure that I will be there like his small sister. I also feel crying that my big brother is on fast and I can't do anything. However, I have ensured that his rally gets adequate power and water. But I don't think that more than one people would get water and food just he has started fast. I ask all Aam Aadmi Party co-workers to sit on the fast and allow other Indians to eat and drink.

I request Union Government, considering giving an honour to Kejriwal. In my dreams, I saw him getting an honour of 'Fast Bowler'. Wow, it is so sexy to call him 'Fast Bowler Arvind Kejriwal'. I have sent my recommendation to Soniaji and now it is upto her to consider it.

Indian Government dumped Mr. Joseph to below poverty line when he found standing above poverty line.

"How can he stand above poverty line when everybody in India is below poverty line?" asked Planning Commission Chief Montek Singh Ahluwalia.

Joseph who was earning around 3-4 lakh rupees per year was consistently tracked by Indian agencies such as IT Department, Planning Commission and Finance Ministry.

Ahluwalia said "It is not justifiable that most of Indians live below poverty line, how can this guy stood above the line. We therefore dumped in by increasing inflation through higher diesel prices, higher food prices and higher what not."

Finance Minister P Chidambaram said that he supported Ahluwalia this time in dumping Mr Joseph to below poverty line.

"Actually, Joseph is novice in the BPL category and therefore he is not eligible to get any BPL sops. But we let him stay in this category for 4-5 years and he would be getting sops like food security and many more," said P Chidambaram.

Government sent a congratulatory letter and momento to Joseph for entering in BPL category.

"With support of all of Indians, we will dump many more from above poverty line people to below poverty line," said Chidambaram.

Sanjay Dutt said he is evaluating an option of flying to Italy along with various other legal rescue methods, in an exclusive interview to the India Satire correspondent.

"Yes we are considering all the legal options for relief though I believe in Indian judicial system. The option includes review petition and flying to Italy for one to two weeks with due permissions from Indian judges," said Sanjay Dutt who is popularly known as Sanju Baba in the film fraternity.

He said "Just after court granted me a jail for 5 years one of the ministers in UPA Government told my sister Priya (Dutt) that moving to Italy can be considered as best alternative. Even both Indian and Italian Governments can help in getting real justice. He said that if my review petition would not get accepted then we can try a request of small holiday in Italy which is allowed to be converted into a long term citizenship."

He said that it would be sad part in his life to move to Italy but else if there would not be any options then what he can do.

Reacting to allegations of wasting litres of water, Asaram Bapu decided to produce water using his finger.
"Guys! No need to cry for ashashwat and low life water that I can produce by using my small finger. Just look at my finger," Asaram Bapu told India Satire journalist.
Immediately his finger started releasing a fountain of water. The unstoppable fountain continued to soak Bapu's dhoti and journalist's pant. After a lot of requests from journalist, Bapu stopped his finger made fountain.
"Watch this fountain. Hai ki nahi ekdum flaura fountain? Just as you saw, how I released so much of water using my small finger. Kutte bhaukte hai to bhaukne do. I don't need water from municipal corporation, I have sufficient of it," said Asaram Bapu.
Bapu was reacting on the allegations made by a social group, Andhashraddha Nirmoolan Samiti (ANS) and media.
Bapu's close aide, Chintan Swami said that United Nations is constantly in touch with Bapu in resolving universal water issue and is planning to locate Bapu just besides Statue of Liberty to allow him release some crores of liters of water.

After ruckus over Steel Minister Beni Prasad Verma's comments on Mulayam Singh Yadav, Congress Party finally agreed that it was under the plan of promoting its new comic book series "Beni Prasad Verma Tales". Beni Prasad Verma said Mulayam Singh Yadav has links with terrorists.

"Vermaji was actually commenting as per our funny and hilarious book series Beni Prasad Verma Tales. The book is actually based on digestible jokes and sensible humour," said Congress Party President Sonia Gandhi.

Sonia Gandhi confirmed that the story came out of elaborate plan for entertaining people for 2014 elections.

Making a statement in the Parliament in front of members, she said "It is our duty to keep Indian people happy using various entertaining modes. Therefore we decided to use comedy books and political circus. However, our last efforts failed due to lack of sensibility and jokes that were far away from ground realities, just whatever you saw what Sir Digvijay Singh and Sushil Kumar Shinde did under this plan. They brought irritation to the wide audience with their insensible humour and overacting. Therefore, we finally decided to introduce Vermaji to take this responsibility. This guy is really hilarious. Earlier, he was on the job of our Personal Entertainer."

Reacting to Sonia Gandhi's statement, Samajwadi Party President Mulayam Singh Yadav said "Oh it was a joke then it's fine otherwise I would have held Parliament for ransom."

After Gwalior High Court removed ban on satire websites that showed some stupid content on Arindam Chaudhuri, IIPM Head decided to launch MBA degree in satires. The step was taken under the plan of improving the satire culture in India and guides the unemployed and underemployed satirists in the path of nation building.

"Guys! Quality of satires in India is way below the world ranks. The reason is 100% satirists are affiliated to UGC or AICTE institutions. They haven't tried independent intellectual education agencies such as IIPM. I would like to announce that IIPM is starting a full fledged 3- year post graduate diploma in satires," announced Arindam Chaudhuri, in a packed annual conference with IIPM alumni.

He said "These satirists are so stupid that they don't even understand that they are writing satires on the father of satires. (Arindam pointed towards himself)." 

All the students presented at the conference clapped in tandem.

"This kind of poor quality you can always expect from UGC or AICTE affiliated institution. I just want to change the entire scene. I want to improve the quality of satire, satirist and his target. I have no issue if they talk about some idiot politician, but a person like me which is involved in India's development process can't be targeted. That is the reason I want to start a course on satire. This will take India to next level of development. In this process I am going to use current staff of our institution to teach the aspiring satirists in their free time. This will help me in setting a landmark example of how to use available resources in most productive ways," said Arindam Chaudhuri.

Reacting to the allegations by media, Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Akhilesh Yadav said that development is invisible and can only feel.

"Boss, it's not necessary that all the development work is visible. Tell me, can you see air? But you can feel it. Development in Uttar Pradesh is same thing. You can only feel it and not necessarily you can see it by open eyes," said Akhilesh Yadav.

On completion of first year to his government, a leading news paper has alleged Akhilesh Yadav that his promises mostly unfulfilled.

Yadav said reporters "My government has fulfilled all the promises but the work and effects are invisible. You need special eyes to see them and not ordinary ones. But now that you don't have those special, angelic eyes I give you the list of my achievements."

List of Achievement

Promises

w  Law and Order situation will be improved

w  Communal riots will be declined

w  Rapes will be reduced

w  Development work all over the state

w  Tablets to Class X students

Invisible Achievements

w  Law and Order situation improved in Karachi, immediately after Akhilesh Yadav joined UP assembly

w  Communal riots declined just recently 2 days back in Dhaka

w  Rapes reduced in Haryana to 75 per day from 77 per day

w  Development work all over Gujarat, better road projects in Maharashtra and good quality bridges, damns and metro railways all over South India, just after joining Akhilesh

w  Central Govt yet to declare plan on free Akash tablets to Class X. As soon as Pappa becomes Prime Minister he would introduce such scheme.

Benedict XVI who put a foundation of resignations by Pope himself in the Vatican City refused to share his Twitter password with Pope Francis, drawing ire of the new Pope.

"This is totally unacceptable for a guy of such caliber. Now how can I spread message of peace and sanity to the world?" said newly elected Pope Francis.

According to sources, after declaring as an official Pope to spread the great message of Christianity to world, Pope Francis immediately asked for Twitter handle and wanted to tweet that he was Pope now. However, Pope Benedict XVI plainly refused to give it to him.

Pope Benedict XVI cleared that he just resigned from the job of Pope and not from Twitter handle. He also said that he actually resigned just to keep track of various Twitter trends and to be able to send his expert views comfortably.

He said "I am going to be an official tweet writer for the Vatican City while Pope Francis will handle all other dirty work."

Sources confirmed India Satire correspondent that officials at Catholic Church is trying to resolve the issue by talking to both the parties. Pope Francis threatened with his resignation if he would not get Twitter access.

India decided to retaliate fedayeen attacks in Srinagar by sending its active paranormal force of died politicians and criminals to Pakistan and PoK.

"We have our 1000 battalions of paranormal force equipped with new arms and ammunition. They are ready with all types of nuclear and chemical weapons which will be used in retaliation of Pakistani terrorists and military," said AK Antony, India's Defence Minister.

India will send its force located in Jaipur Fort. The force has a team of 1000 ghosts, 500 daayan and 300 rakshas, comes once in the night at 12 am for training. The paranormal force of India is considered as most trusted military force which can destroy entire terrorist camp in seconds.

Antony said "Politicians, murderers and criminals who were died in the past and converted to ghost, daayan, raakshash, etc., they all join our paranormal force immediately. They are well equipped with great sort of training and can destroy enemy easily."

Antony said that the force is very patriotic unlike its behavior before death happens to them.

Antony said that in this kind of corrupt scenario in defence, paranormal force was a best option.

"We also afraid direct attack on Pakistani terrorists and military as we believe in non-violence," said Salman Khurshid.

He said "I never like in killing anybody as far as he is killed by some ghost."

Italian govt decided to supply free air conditioners under brand name 'Bofors' to cool down angry Indians.

"We offer free Bofors air conditioners to all eminent Indians including political leaders and intellects to cool them down," said Italian Foreign Affairs Minister Giulio Terzi Sant'Agata.

Bofors ventured into Air Conditioner market these days as the business is getting lucrative with high demand from different government authorities.

Sant'Agata said "The suggestion came from Prime Minister Mario Monti to send some cool gas cylinders along with Air Conditioners to India so they can lose some anger."

India said it was angry after Italy refused to send back 2 marines facing trial in fishermen killing case.

According to sources, Mario Monti felt that Prime Minister Manmohan Singh's word "unacceptable" was highly condemnable and worried the Italian authorities.

"I decided to cool down India. I know Air Conditioners supplied by other Indian and Korean companies are not enough to cool them down. Therefore, thought to send Mr. Ottavio Quattrocchi son Massimo Quattrocchi with free Bofors air conditioners. This time he would not charge any commission," said Monti.

People will forget this too - Sushil Kumar Shinde

It is my personal observation, which is currently many scholars are studying that Indians forget things easily. Though that is a happy scenario for politicians and criminals, I think you guys can apply this time as well. I have observe that when we push a thing forward in front of you and what is left backward, generally leaves backward. Just few months back, I told media that Indian people have habit to forget things, so that this damn coal issue would also be forgotten instantly. But you guys made issue of that. Now same thing will happen with these Italian marines.

Yesterday only Madam had been to Italy just to have some tea and coffee with these two guys. She gently asked them whether they want to come to India, they said it was quite hot here in India and don't want to get tanned. So, what is the harm? For what reason, you are making so much of hue and cry? They will come in the winter vacation till date you all would forget what happened in March.

Massimiliano Latorreji personally told me that he would take his ship to Indian coasts in winter just to have a visit and chit chat with us. Gironeji is also willing to come that time. Now they told us that they would come sometime in winter, say in November or December so I think opposition and you Alzheimer prone Indians don't need to make any kindaa shout.

I know we like guests. I saw how much you all wanted Parvej Ashrafji and Hafiz Saeedji to settle in our country and don't want just as guests. I understand your emotions. This is a country which believes in 'Atithi Devo Bhav' ideology. But now those guys also have their personal work, their relations and their commitments  We can invite them but can't force them to stay here. So just I ask you all to stop crying for what had happened. Forget everything that you easily can do and wait till winter vacation.

Fake News

After reviewing the response from Italian Foreign Ministry that the marines Massimiliano Latorre and Salvatore Girone will not return to India, India's External Affairs Minister Salman Khurshid said that no need to call them back or put international pressure on Italy.

"I have gone through their response. As the damage is not that high, we think there is no need to waste our precious energy and resources to escalate the issues. A guy told me that only 2 Indians died and therefore we thought of taking the same stand that we took with Mr. Warren Anderson at the time of small Bhopal Gas issue," said Salman Khurshid.

Khurshid told reporter that damage was petty yaar, no need to give it wide coverage.

While many experts are taking humble stand for Italian marines, India said that it would not be very conventional in its approach.

"We welcome people from other countries, yaar. It's not like we tell them "ab aa to gaye ho lekin jaaoge kaise". Now they were our guests and sometime had to return to their homelands. It was Italy's internal issue; let that government sort it out. Right now we have a lot of work, arranging good run for Rahul Gandhi in 2014 elections. So wasting time in these matters would not really a good idea," said Salman Khurshid.

Khurshid said "We have dealt with USA successfully in Warren Anderson and David Headly issues. They were kept in US, even Headly was punished by the US courts."

The marines Massimiliano Latorre and Salvatore Girone got special permission by the Supreme Court to cast vote in last month's elections in Italy.

Sushil Kumar Shinde said that he would keep all the accused in Delhi Gang Rape Case at his home and will personally guard them till his own life ends.

"I found major lapses in Ram Singhji's suicidal case. That increased my worry for other 4 accused and therefore I personally will take all of them to my house and would keep a close watch on them. I will try to make their lives better by offering good clothes and food so that none of them would thought of doing such a devilish activity," said Home Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde 

He said "I will stand as a security guard and will not attend any of the parliamentary sessions just to make sure that they would not end their lives so easily."

Government also offered Rahul Bose to have a chat with rape accused, understand them and stay with them till they get an honorable punishment from the court. However, government has not given any kind of orders to Rahul Bose to change / convert their minds.

"Yea I requested Rahul also to keep sometime from his busy schedule. I told him that ye koi picture ka scene nahi hai and he should get serious about that," said Shinde.

Shinde said that he sent a request to Prime Minister Manmohan Singh who replied as 'Theek Hai' to his request.

In a very weird incident which could have taken any person's anger to seventh heaven, actor Rahul Bose showed an act of determination and forgiveness.

"Chintu just went in front of Rahul and started peeing on his pant. He also directed flow of pee on other areas of Rahul washing him properly. Then after he gave a mysterious look into Rahul's straight and strong eyes kicked him on his butts and laughed on him. However, Rahul just kept quiet and gave a smile at him. Thereafter, another kid came and did the same thing. The event continued till 49th kid appeared and Rahul gave him the same response of a smile," said an eye witness who was present on the MG Road.

He said "I was shocked to see Rahul's limit of forgiveness. Even I saw one kid slapped him hard and pulled out his tounge making him cry but still he continued his act of forgiveness. He forgives all the kids and move from the place."

According to sources, there are many kids and civilians searching Rahul Bose's address to give him a shot and see his act of forgiveness.

Recent statement from actor, Rahul Bose opened an important chapter of benefits of bad publicity. Following are the benefits and negatives of negative publicity.

Benefits of negative publicity

¨       Considered as a human being with a tail

¨       Considered as humanitarian

¨       Considered as creative

¨       Considered as intellect

¨       Considered as secular

¨       Invitation from limited special social status people

¨       Admiration from limited special social status people

¨       Admiration from powerful people like rapists and terrorists

Negatives

¨       Considered as dumbass hole

¨       Considered as frequently tracked animal by unholy mass people

¨       Considered as a special category animal to be inducted in zoo but because of few humanitarian reasons still living on the roads

Taking a major turn in the last moment, Catholic Church in Vatican City decided to appoint actor and intellectual Rahul Bose as new Pope to ensure the path of forgiveness continues.

"The world has become virtually rapist and we need a new evangelization. Bose's statement has just lightened our hopes that there is a guy who literally has the guts to go on road and give the message of forgiveness to all those which are victims," said Rev. Benedict M. Guevin said of the church's mission to better convey the gospel message to its people.

He said "Without learning gospel message, this guy say whatever we believe a messenger of peace should tell and therefore we unanimously decided to put him on the post of Pope."

According to sources, the next Pope was expected to be much more than a holy man, teacher and shepherd to the world.

The new pontiff must continue to address the clergy sexual abuse crisis and - perhaps most importantly - confront what several clerics call the "godless" agenda of the primarily secular Western world that threatens to strip people of their humanity and seeks to silence the voice of religion.

"Nobody is better than Rahul Bose to ask victims and society to stop seeking violent results from courts. Besides rapes we expect Bose to also talk about terrorism and ask each and every victim to let him go his home, forgive him," said Guevin.

Bose said "I am glad that Vatican City appointed me for this post and I also forgave it for not appointing me for this post 20 years back. People should forgive the guilty. Today only I forgave one kid who was pissing on my door and kicking my puppy. You have to learn the act of forgiveness from me."

Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi changed his look to show a sensible, understanding, intelligent and still more passionate guy on the eve of Uttarakhand visit. According to sources, Rahul Gandhi's makeover was special work of his PR agency to impress workers and send a thoughtful message.

"I want you all to strengthen the party in Uttarakhand," said Rahul Gandhi with serious looks, moving his eyebrows on 1.5 cms up and widening his eyes according to plan drawn by his personal PR agency.

"Everything went according to plan," said Rajeev Sharma, PR of Rahul Gandhi.

He said "We asked him to keep his eyes straight, widen them as like cat does and make a movement of eyebrows by 1.5cms up and down to show seriousness. We urge him to keep 1.5cms as benchmark to give natural feel. He worked perfect just according to plan and we are happy that he infused required energy in his team mates of Uttarakhand."

To gain a momentum in the Indian secularists and intellectuals, Narendra Modi is planning to change his looks to softer and milder.

According to sources in BJP, "Modiji decided to look much softer guy who loves children, different religions and more importantly a circle of intellectuals. He wants to apply it to gain some importance in pro-Congress league of intelligent guys."

If believe in sources, PR agency of Narendra Modi told him that intellectuals and secularists are available in Congress Party only and others are dumbass who don't support Congress. Therefore, finally to enter this league, PR agency will change Modi's makeover just like Nehru to Gandhi making him feel good among intelligent and secular Indians.

"That's true! I also heard that Congress was the only party supported by great thought churners and smart people. That is why I thought of celebrating Children's day on Chacha Nehru's birth day," said Narendra Modi.

He also confirmed that PR agency would develop a plan to help him the need to understand need of this circle.

Sonia Gandhi promised she would not sleep even for a minute until all the rapes stop in India.

"Mere Hindustani bhaaiyo aur beheno. Mein agle ek saal ke liye paach minute bhi naaahi soungi. Raul baba bhi naaahi soyegaa. Congress kaa koi leader bhi naahi soyega," said Congress President Sonia Gandhi addressing a large crowd of women gathered in Delhi on Women's day.

Talking to the crowd she told that she understood the problems of rape victim and her family and disappointed that the male mentality is not at all changing in India.

She said "Ye rapists log chuho jaise hai. Hum idhar se pakaadne jaate hai to wo udhar se aate hai aur rape kaarke chaaale jaate hai. Hume inhe pakaadnaa hai. Jaab tak ye pakade naahi jaate taab tak mein naahi soungi. Baba bhi naahi soyenge. Aur koi bhi naahi soyega."

Congress Party welcomed the move announced by Gandhi and said that they are committed from their hearts. They said that one year time is sufficient to implement Anti-rape bill in India. Even after implementation of this bill if the rapes don't stop then it would be a great non-violent message to all the rapists.

"Madamji's move that she would never sleep puts psychological pressure on rapist to not rape. It is an assure success to stop the rapes in India. Whenever that feeling of rape comes in mind of any rapist, he would also have feeling that Soniaji is not sleeping that is necessary to stop any bad thought in his mind. It would automatically stop him from rape. If somebody rapes and comes to know that great madamji is not sleeping even for a minute just to resist him from such heinous thing, a guilt feeling would come across his mind and spirit and immediately he would surrender to Police," said Congress Spokesperson, Manish Tewari.

Manish Tewari also told that a photo of madamji in Maata avatar would be provided through Aadhar Card to every human being in India so whenever a bad thought would come to mind just looking at her photo that would be resisted.

Rahul Gandhi's speech writer Kapil Singh Bedi sacked, after an internal commission formed by Congress Party revealed that he replaced Rahul's speech with Manmohan and vice versa.

"We sacked him for his alleged role in replacing Rahul Baba's recent speech with Manmohan Singh and Mr. Singh's with Rahul Baba," said Congress Spokesperon and Minister of State of Telecom, Manish Tewari.

A high level committee was formed by Congress High Command was formed under Senior Leader Digvijay Singh inquiring the reasons behind unrelated statements that High Command should be vanished, dynasty politics should be stopped and Rahul was not interested in PM's post and marriage, etc.

Digvijay Singh said "Actually, the first statement of no interest in PM's job shocked Rahul Baba. Therefore, he has to manage the rest by talking something irrelevant like dynasty politics should be stopped and not interested in marriage, etc."

Mr. Tewari said "Whatever Baba said recently that he was not interested in PM's post, marriage and blah blah blah was actually related to Prime Minister Manmohan Singh to show that he wanted to take Sanyaas from political life. However, this stupid Kapil Singh Bedi changed the speeches and he gave Singh's speech to Baba and Baba's speech to Singh."

According to sources, recent fireworks from Manmohan Singh in Parliament was expected from Rahul Gandhi speech in a press conference to show how dynasty politics is strong and can answer the allegations of keeping night watchman on PM's post.

"Everything was literally planned. But this idiot just thrashed everything and the blunder happened," said Tewari.

In an official statement released on late afternoon today, Congress said that whatever Rahul Gandhi and Manmohan Singh said last week was totally unrelated to their views and they reflect views of speech writer. Therefore, whatever they said should be not be taken seriously, as the documents were not received approval before from top 5 leaders of Congress Party, viz., Digvijay Singh, Kapil Sibal, Rashid Alvi, Salman Khurshid and Manish Tewari.

Another Congress leader said that Rahul Gandhi is only candidate suitable for Indian Prime Minister's job.

Puducherry based Youth Congress leader K Balakrishnan said "I endorse Rahul Baba to become India's Prime Minister this time. I ask him to become right now why wait for demon Narendra Modi to take over that chair in 2014. Better seat there right now, Manmohan will easily hand it over to you."

Bala was 84985^th Congress leader who certified Rahul Gandhi as the most ideal candidate suited for PM's job. He also alleged that Rahul's speech was replaced with Manmohanji's speech.

He said "Prima facie evidences suggest that it was what Manmohanji had to say in the Parliament that replaced with Rahul Baba's speech. I suspect speech writer has made some blunder between these letters."

Talking on lack of interest in marriage, Bala asked Rahul "Baba you don't worry if nobody is offering his daughter for your marriage. My daughter Jyothy is always there to marry you. I can make all sacrifices for you."