India Satire presents a guide to Ram Gopal Varma's (RGV) upcoming movie Satya 2. This guide can be used as a movie preview. Person who reads this guide and still wants to go to the movie then go with full preparation of mind. India Satire highly recommends reading this guide to its audience.

Entertainment Quotient: He he he… Nothing

Risk Levels: Highest, carry your helmets to save your brains

Things you may want to know about Satya 2

What do you want to know?

Nothing

Who the hell created this movie and why?

This is Ram Gopal Varma's movie. Even he is searching why he is still directing movies, may be because of his unconditional for nasty movies and audience. An independent study by MIT said that it will take at least 751 years more to digest RGV's movies by sane mind.

Who will watch this movie?

Possibly, you may not watch after reading this preview / guide. RGV and Amitabh will definitely watch with few unfortunates from the film crew.

Is it a Satya's sequel?

Who told you it is Satya's sequel? This is a sequel of RGV's blockbuster 'RGV ki Aag' which he himself watched at least 100 times.

Is RGV's captive actor Amitabh working in the film?

Amitabh Bachchan regrets for not working in Satya 2. It was his nasty dream to complete at least 25 bizarre films. Earlier he was in Sarkaar Raj, Nishabd, RGV ki Aag and few more wacky films from RGV's basket.

Is it better than Mithun's 90s epic Gundaa?

RGV said the movie is better than Mithun's Gundaa

Who is the hero and why the hell he is working with RGV?

RGV paid around 1 crore to the unnamed hero for keeping expressionless face throughout the movie

What are the critics recommending, particularly greats like Taran Adarsh?

RGV met Bollywood Hungama's Taran Adarsh to convince him for giving at least five stars to the film. According to sources, Taran Adarsh agreed.

Is this a typical predictable movie?

Nothing is predictable in the movie. Everything is unpredictable like gang wars, hero dies in the end, mafia raaj, different strategies to kill enemies, cool expressions, expressionless faces making some stupid strategies that look intelligent, words of wisdom from some penniless gundaa, few disenchanting sex scenes and everything that you know about RGV's crime movie.

Who is villain?

Few ridiculous and heinous looking south Indian faces will be villains along with RGV.

What are the chances of box office success for the movie?

The movie will be the biggest hit of the year in Andhra Pradesh, said sources.

Which one would be better Satya 2 or Ram Leela?

Both are from similar genre 'ridiculous' and from similar kind of directors 'insane', so choice is yours.

What are India Satire's recommendations?

Helmets are allowed in the theatres. Please carry them and wear them while watching Satya 2. If you get bored then allow your wife to talk, it would be better entertainment.

Divine saint turned rapist, sorry rapist turned divine saint oh sorry again, Asaram Bapu who is currently in jail on rape charges said that he will follow celibacy if Court lets him go to his ashram.

"That's not difficult for the divine saints like me. We can easily switch from rapes to celibacy for eternity. If Court wants me to show self-restraint then how difficult is that. I can go and follow it in the ashram," said Asaram Bapu in an exclusive interview to India Satire correspondent.

Asaram Bapu was charged for raping a minor in Rajasthan. However, he continuously denied the allegations. This is first time that he confirmed his crime in front of public.

"How does that matter? I will stop raping and would make my life divine by indulging only in masturbation," said Bapu.

God has decided to contest for 2014 elections, said a circular issued from the heaven. According to the circular, God said he was literally fucked up with what is happening on the earth and particularly in India. He said that widespread corruption, scams, crime and communalism hurts him and wants to build a new society free of all these sins. However, Indian politicians denied him entry claiming that he lacks any juice that would pull the crowd.

"I want to build a peaceful society with no scams, corruption, crime and communal tension and therefore I thought of contesting elections in 2014," said God. According to sources, God is yet to decide which party he wants to join or whether he wants to stay independent.

He said "I am not sure about UPA or NDA or be independent. But I would like support candidates with clean characters."

Both Congress and BJP told India Satire correspondent that they received a request from the God for joining the party.

"I am not sure what kind of developmental agenda God will bring to the table. Rather than criticizing us on communalism he should check what he had done through Congress Party over the years. He himself supported corrupt UPA for 9 years. Now people want change and therefore we are pushing for Modiji," said BJP President Rajnath Singh.

Congress General Secretary, Digvijay Singh said "I am doubtful that God has any secular credentials. I think he wants to divide loyal vote bank of Congress party for RSS and therefore he was criticizing us on the lines of corruption. I can only say there is only one Godess and she is in Congress party and if she gives him a secular certificate then only we will review his application."

Reacting to Economic Times and AC Nielsen's voter survey, Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi finally decided to marry once and for all. The step is considered as a first move to outpace Narendra Modi in the elections.

"I am happy that Rahul has taken this decision. We are going to make a formal announcement in next few days that Rahul is seeking for good looking girl with age no barrier," said Congress General Secretary and Rahul's unofficial mentor Digvijay Singh.

According to sources at 10 Janpath, Rahul Gandhi hurriedly decided to announce his marriage and fix selection of bride and marriage date post 2014 elections to attract large women voters in the country.

"Rahul told us that age is no criteria. He is willing to marry from 18 years old to 99 years old girl. He is willing to go beyond 99 years old if the bride is good looking, smart and good cook," said Digvijay Singh "It will attract 50% women voters towards Congress party and outpace Modi's campaign."

The sources confirmed that such move would immediately attract 50% women voters, mummies, aunties and other ladies to vote to Congress. The sources also said that Rahul is ready for marriage has increased excitement amongst nannies, grannies, mummies, aunties and girls.

Congress President Sonia Gandhi's daughter and Vice President Rahul Gandhi's sister, charismatic Priyanka Gandhi made her first public appearance when whole India was talking about her role in 2014 elections. Party recently confirmed that she would attend only two election rallies of her brother and mother.

"I can say putting my right palm on my left heart that sexy and gorgeous people never enter into politics. Only some idiot, dumbasses get into this crap, I am not that kind and therefore don't want to get into all this," said Priyanka Gandhi.

When India Satire journalist asked her that her brother and mother are into politics, she said "Oh really! I was not aware about that."

Showing their adamant behavior towards adjustment or change, few people said that they still feel doing job is shitty and fucking awful thing.

"What the fuck yaar? I still don't know till when I am going to come to this shitty hole and do some stupid work which only an ass hole does. I don't understand why the hell not money never grows on the trees? Why the hell we require coming to the shithole of our boss for earning some small buck and allow him to piss on ourselves?" a technocrat Jayesh Mishra made this shocking statement in front of his highly dedicated and ambitious colleagues.

According to sources, his colleagues who were present at the event shocked and amazed with Jayesh's statement. However, they confirmed that Jayesh was neither gone insane nor he consumed a bottle of liquor.

"He was fully under control, still passed such a bizarre statement. We were literally shocked when Jayesh made this statement. We thought in last 2 years he might have adjusted to his work but this was totally disgusting. He still thinks job is fucking thing, how ridiculous he is," said Neha Sharma, Jayesh's colleague.

According to experts, there are still few people in India which have not adjusted to the job life. They said that the process is going on and India will definitely see a new generation which loves working hard for 20 hours a day at their job places.

"Yes there are still a few people; you can say they are in thousands which are not yet fully converted into bulls and donkeys. That process is going on. In my view, case of Jayesh is not isolated and few others are still in private curse and abuse job life and their bosses," said Pankaj Mohopatra, an expert who tracks job market very closely.

Mohopatra said "People like Jayesh are exhausted, less ambitious, more stubborn and totally idiots who never recognized how much jobs offer them in terms of opportunities. It is always been better to remain an ass hole rather than doing nothing."