US said it is ready to strike all its new range of chemical weapons on Syria. The country released its official statement after France confirmed that it is ready to crush Syria from Wednesday next week while Russia will evacuate its citizens as soon as possible.

"How can they use chemical weapons which are very dangerous to human life? We have strong evidences that Assad military has used chemical weapons against rebellions. It is a danger to human life in the World and we will stop this," said Barack Obama addressing the nation.

He confirmed that his military operations will be like using Syria as practice battle ground and train its military to combat against Iran. The country will use whole new kind of weapons which are manufactured for saving humanity.

Barack Obama said that his statement of "limited narrow act" of military intervention in Syria that does not involve a "boots-on-the-ground approach", but has not made a final decision yet should not be taken out of context and told that the super power can send its troops to use Syria as practice ground.

"The real enemy of mankind is Iran and Syria is just a pussy cat for the great nation the United States of America. Therefore we are planning to use our new team to conquer Syria. Military will also test its new range of high quality chemical weapons, made to save human life in the World."

India's Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh found loudly crying, sobbing and literally lamenting in the bathroom after he completed his speech in the Parliament, according to sources who were present there at the time of incidence.

"Just after he came from Lok Sabha, he immediately started crying loudly, roaring like an animal, mourning himself for what not reasons, even he forgot to remove his specs when he was splashing his face hard with cool water," said Manishankar, head of sweepers of Lok Sabha toilets.

Dr. Manmohan Singh gave a speech on falling rupee and worsening economic condition in the Lok Sabha after a lot of insistence by opposition parties. However, he immediately left the session after he completed his speech, leaving the opposition leaders clueless.

"That was his arrogance. Rather than answering opposition leader's queries he left the session," said BJP leader Yashwant Sinha unknown to the fact.

 "Just when he entered in the bathroom, he immediately started slapping himself, abusing for his soft stand on economy and grumbling over his silent approval to food security and land acquisition bill. I saw him saying that how can he deviate from the basic fundamental economic principles just because Madamji told. He also said that this way he was not just cheating India but his economics and also to Madamji who doesn't understand a single word of logic let forget economics. Then he started crying loudly, roaring and thrashing mirror," said the eye witnesses of the entire incident, sweepers Manish and Kapil. 

It is strange but true. Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi is working on the right policy for Indian economy to revive it in next 20-25 years, said a senior Congress leader.

"He is drafting a policy that will be comprehensive, inclusive and best for the Indian economy. It will lead us to a high growth trajectory that we wanted since last 60 years," said Congress General Secretary Digvijay Singh.

Digvijay Singh was talking about Rahul's talent in economic policy making and drafting best possible financial framework.

"He himself had drafted food security bill, NREGA bill and restaurant bill in Shetty's Restaurant," said Digvijay Singh who told that that Shetty was aam aadmi who wanted to understand how the micro economic policy framework attracts more and more customers in his restaurant.

"Rahul suggested him of embossing Soniaji's photo on restaurant bills and rename his Hotel Durga Prasad to Rajiv Gandhi Sasta Khana Sthal and see the way his business gets boost. Now his hotel is a great example for people who want to turnaround their sagging business successfully," said Digvijay Singh. He said that the time when Shetty embossed Sonia's photo and renamed the hotel to Rajiv Gandhi the business saw a robust growth as everybody came to the restaurant with expectations of cheap food.

Digvijay Singh said "He is going to implement same policies in the Indian economy. As a first step to long term stability of Indian economy, he advised us to rename India as 'Rajiv Gandhi Country With Free Offers' to attract foreign director investors who are searching for cheap destination to park their money. It will reduce current account deficit and boost rupee. Even Finance Minister P Chidambaram was shocked with his knowledge of economy." 

Asaram Bapu's devotees claimed that the Sensex was down today only because Police summoned Asaram Bapu. He said that after Police issued summon to Bapu, rupee dropped sharply affecting the equity markets.

"This is the strength of Bapuji. Police has only summoned him and Sensex was down over 3%. Think what will happen if you arrest him. You will see Sensex at 100 points level and Nifty at 10 points," said Swami Chinmayanand, Bapu's ardent follower.

When India Satire correspondent told Chinmayanand that it was not Asaram Bapu but deteriorating rupee and worsening CAD situation along with FII investment outflow were the reasons, he said that all was ok but the major reason was eroding confidence of government on Bapuji.

He said "The rupee depreciation was out of systematic risk that foreign investors calculated before Bapuji's name was involved in sexual assault case. They discounted this risk 4-5 months back itself. Now when you summon Bapuji for paltry things you will have to bear the brunt. You don't know whenever he says 'jaa upar jaa', the Sensex goes up."

Showing their happiness towards UPA Government's step to introduce food security for poor people in India, the hotels industry expressed its interest to sign long term contract with people below poverty line (BPL) for sourcing food grains.

"We are in talks with various people in BPL category along with government grocery shops for contract sourcing of food grain," said Ramakant Shetty, owner of hotel chain Hotel Durga Prasad.

He said "We are working on a proper plan to source cheap food from the BPL people. Many authorized grocery shops are willing to share 50% of total food grains supplied by government. This is a great law made for the entire hotels industry and we are happy about it. However, we are really concerned about low calories that BPL families are entitled under this Act. They require 35 kgs while government is giving only 25 kgs."