Chennai based mechanical engineer Subbu Swamy joined India's prominent MNC Bank as a finance manager. Subbu Swamy recently completed his MBA in finance after finishing his studies of mechanical engineering in IIT. The structure is in line with the major shift that is witnessed in India leading to many engineers shifting their focus to banking industry.

"We are glad to appoint Subbu as our Finance Manager. We expect that he will give his best to deliver great results in studying financial accounts. We also expect him to use his expertise of mathematics to calculate difficult debit and credit figures of financial statements," said T Ranganathan, regional head of South division of Citi Bank.

Subbu Swamy was appointed after a rigorous checks and post understanding that he can easily complete the task of entering the data in Tally Software, famous for financial accounts.

Ranganathan said "We kept Subbu's brain with us for 1 entire week. Our experts checked it thoroughly and found that the brain is perfect mechanical creation. It can solve complicated problems like addition, deletion, multiplication and division. We shocked when the brain could solve problem like 1250x200 within 30 seconds. We immediately decided to take Subbu on bank's payroll."

Talking to India Satire correspondent on his successful entry in the finance career, Subbu said "That was the dream to work with Citi Bank as finance manager, I was watching since my childhood. Therefore, I completed my engineering first and converted my emotional brain into mechanical one. Thereafter, completing MBA in finance helped it to get nourished with complicated accounts and financial statements. My moulded brain easily started writing journal entries. Now after joining Citi I am really interested in joining CA."

Exclusive Column of Prof. Arindam Chaudhuri

Boss everybody is shitting on my face since I asked government to block few notorious sites which always used to make fun on me or criticised me. Despite my funda of low life king size, I have shown some humbleness to block some of pages which extensively covered my secret life and undisclosed level of IQ. My humblness still has not covered anybody. Why this partiality? The reason that I know was that nobody matches the level of understanding and intelligence that I have and that I am inculcating among the IIPM students. Ok forget this crap, I had a reason in my mind over blocking these only pages rather than sites first was unnecessarily blocking the sites mean other politicians would lose chances of free publicity.

However, that was not actually the only reason for blocking these sites. Other reason was to send a clear and strong message to stupid satirists and idiot indigenous critics to keep their asses on their chairs and start thinking beyond Arindam. Yes 'Dare To Think Beyond Arindam'. There are so many stupid low life people in the community. Why do you guys behind me only? Boss how much funny you feel that I look; still nobody has given you rights to cross your limits.

The message that I sent was generally had to be appreciated but these guys are so unthankful that they increased criticism and humour on me. Now I can see more and more content and more and more fun of me on the web. That helped me to think in a unique way and announced my own internet with a small funda of 'dare to think beyond crappy internet'.

However, I got congratulations and best wishes from many prominent personalities which really said that they were thankful for initiating step against nasty satirists. Journalists like Arnab Goswami, Barkha Dutt, Rajdeep Sardesai, politicians like Digvijay Singh, Salman Khurshid, Kapil Sibal, Nitin Gadkari and businessmen like Vijay Mallya personally called me and thanked with promising placements for at least next year's IIPM batch. Despite all these great work I have done for the international community people think I am stupid. My step will only show that how does it feel when somebody kicks on your ass.

According to sources, Press Council of India (PCI) Chairman and Justice Markandey Katju applied Google Adsense for advertisements on his blog, after his article saw millions of hits on the Narendra Modi article. If sources had to be believed the article on Modi criticising him over Gujarat riots received immediate popularity and a pending request for the advertisements on Katju's blog for generating additional income accepted.

"His application to get advertisements posted on his blog were rejected by Google for last 12 times because of issues like subdomain and lack of appealing hits from the visitors," said the source who closely works with Katju.

He said "Katju tried to criticise everybody in India to generate hits. However, his scathing and nailing articles hardly 1000 people visited his blog. Finally, he decided to cut Narendra Modi and just one article on him was sufficient to draw the attention of millions of people. Now Katjuji again applied for advertisements to Google Adsense (an Advertisement Division of Google) and this time he expects that Google will accept his request."

Baba Ramdev announced his eagerness to contest 2014 elections and gift Indian voters a range of herbal and ayurvedic leaders always seating in yoga postures.

"I ensure Indian voters that I will provide them a range of vegetarian herbal leaders in 2014 elections. These leaders would be good for health surrounded by Triphala churn and filled with Shilajit. Triphala Churn will keep their diet good and Shilajit along with Musli Power will provide energy and substance," said Baba Ramdev in a press conference, announcing his entry in political ground.

He said "Our agenda is that every MP will go to each and every voter's house; teach them Kapalbhati so that India will become corruption free."

Baba Ramdev, however, denied to disclose how Is Kapalbhati correlated to corruption free society, despite of insistence from the reporters.

Irritated with so called low IQ satirists and critics, great international management guru, economist, spiritual leader, philosopher, psychologist, doctor, business idol, management idol, economics mastermind, strategist, spiritual strategist and everything in one body, Arindam Chaudhuri decided to start his own internet.

"This is irritating yaar. Anybody comes on the internet and spits on me. Internet has become a very low life and cheap destination to share views. There is actually no intellectual sharing and communication. Look at me. Despite being great world known personality, any cheap chap satirist comes and makes fun out of me. This is fuc*ingly terrible as well as awful. I therefore thought to start my own internet where only intellectual thought leaders are allowed," said IIPM Head and thoughtful leader Arindam Chaudhuri.

Chaudhuri was talking about the incident of blocking the websites with weird and funny content on him. Department of Telecommuication blocked many web pages which made fun of him with lots of criticisms.

He said "Nobody understands real value of gem here. It comes when you feel absence of him." "Bloody, count your chicken before they hatched," he roared.

He said "Therefore, I decided to start my own internet. It will be on the floor as soon as I will migrate entire facebook and twitter fans to it."

Arindam Chaudhuri's internet will start with 'atg' instead of 'www'.

Talking about it, Arindam said "That was because of my great intellectual fans. They said from moving www means we have to take some name and 'Arindam the Great' would be a great way to start with."

Meanwhile, Facebook and Twitter approached Arindam Chaudhuri to take back his decision or at least allow them to set up their web pages on his internet so they would not face any humongous losses of migration of heavily

Opposition parties alleged that Indian Government took bribe from India's one of the leading satire websites India Satire for not blocking its articles on Arindam Chaudhuri. According to sources, Opposition parties plan to logjam the government in the Budget Session of Parliament.

"Shri Department of Telecom ordered to block some websites while ignored serious and damageable articles from the India Satire on Shri Arindam Chaudhuri. We want to understand how much money India Satire paid to the government for not blocking its own content," said BJP leader Sushma Swaraj.

She said "Almost every satire, news website and many other blogs have covered in the order but only India Satire has got ignored. We want to understand the reason why India Satire has received special treatment. Is it authored by some Italian guy?"

According to sources from opposition parties, the leaders of BJP were well aware that the India Satire has covered many articles on Arindam Chaudhuri which he might have felt offensive but readers liked those as they were funny, entertaining and readable. India Satire covered Arindam Chaudhuri and many other time pass and funny personalities like him extensively on its website. However, despite all these facts the Department of Telecom ignored blocking its pages smells some nasty thing.

However, government thrashed all these allegations and said that it never gave preference to any satire. Even Arindam Chaudhuri confirmed that he wasn't offered any money from India Satire to keep its site running.

"It is useless and funny site. I don't think I would have even scrolled through such an idiotic and stupid work. But going forward, I will keep check on this site as well and whenever I found any article on me I will order Department of Telecom to block the site," said Arindam Chaudhuri.

Reacting to Indian Government's largest subsidy scheme of distributing food at huge subsidised rates, many Indians below poverty line (BPL) category demanded subsidized iPhones rather than food.

"Food we can somehow manage to earn. However, these days we feel that buying iPhone and paying its bill is difficult for us," said T Ramanna, a BPL person based in Chennai.

He said "It would be gripping idea and we will automatically force to vote to UPA Government if they give us free iPhone or at least Samsung SIII. The subsidy should also be on recurring basis as these companies update their models every 2-3 years."

A survey conducted by Gallop suggested that 80% of BPL ready to accept change the name of Food Security Bill into Rajeev Gandhi iPhone Distribution Scheme while rest 20% are ready to compensate iPhone but at least get one Samsung SIII.

"Indian consumerism is changing. People can manage something to eat but lavish lifestyle is the real crux. No BPL affords compromising on it," said Prakash Joshi, head Supervisor of Gallop Survey India.

Government thrashed the idea and said that entire survey doesn't valid here as Akash Tablets are already provided at subsidized costs.

"While I am giving you world's best tech phone at 2000 rupees what fucking else you want," asked Telecom Minister Kapil Sibal.

He said "I am planning to launch a better version of iPhone for 700-800 rupees range but right now votes for food is fine for us. After 2014 elections we will plan to think on the demand."