Supreme Court, please stop asking us any explanation - Kapil Sibal

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Friday 30 November 2012 | Posted in ,

OPINION

Asking us an explanation or giving judgment based on stupid freedom to expression/speech right is quite an easy thing but to be sure that it is really difficult for us to give explanation on every paltry thing that we do. As a professional lawyer first, I always had first thing in my mind to control the mouths of judges which always keep insulting great and most intellectual lawyers like us. However, when I became the politician I have to restrict myself showing my other side that reflects my humbleness and gratitude.

Now I am a communication minister, a more responsible guy. Though, many admire me for my naughty attitude I am still a very kind, humble and down-to-earth guy. I am a gem and outstanding model just like statue of liberty which is using every bit of freedom he got. I am also great guy who looks like Albert Aienstein just if we ignore the curly hairs part. I am so much intellectual that I cleared the long pending dearth of innovation in India by introducing a theory of Zero Loss. I have capabilities of monitoring the evils of society. I just don't monitor them I also put control on them. It is my duty to control people who with their all stupidity bash me on my ass like I am sh*t hole. As a responsible communication minister I also need to create an atmosphere for innocent people like me should have clear environment for breathing.

Dear Supreme Court I want to ask few questions. As a lawyer while I don't have any right, but as a great minister with huge popularity among intellectuals I want to ask you few questions. If you have balls answer me.

·         We have right to expression whatever our evil mind thinks. But do you really believe that anybody fu*king idiot has a right to mock me?

·         We have all the right to joke on Santa Banta but do we have right to joke on Rahul Baba who is more intelligent that paltry and sundry Santa Banta?

·         While it is India's universal law that only politicians can say anything they want. But how stupid these mango men can talk on anything? Are they so mature enough to talk like intellectuals such as Suhel Seth, Arundhati Roy, Prahlad Kakkar or even Ramchandra Guha. No they are not proven intellectuals.

·         And finally, just you got some cheap platforms like Facebook and Twitter to talk whatever you think, how do you become eligible to post any crap on admirable and adorable guys like us?

Hey Supreme Court, first give the answers to my question then only I will think to give you any explanation or not. Today's Mani Shankar and Mamata's case is totally a responsible use of Right to Express whatever fuc*ing you think and not what these stupid idiots posts any crap.

Government slammed Mamata Banerjee and Mani Shankar Aiyar for revealing the key people are actually animals

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday 29 November 2012 | Posted in , ,

TOP STORY - POLITICS

Government kept the real identity of its MPs as a secret for many years

UPA Government took a serious dig on a senior Congress Leader and West Bengal Chief Minister for leaking the inside information that India's few key people are animals and not real human beings.

"I would like to object on the statements made by Hon leader Mani Shankar Aiyar and Mamata Banerjee for addressing the key Indian people in their real avatar and revealing the confidential information across the masses," said Manish Tewari, Minister of State of Information and Broadcasting.

Manish Tewari who also handles a precious post of spokesperson for Congress Party said "The information that we kept as secret for so many years couldn't have been disclosed that easily. The information was confidential to save the society from unrest. However, it was really unfortunate for us that Mani Shankarji revealed important government information by calling opposition MPs as animals. It is also shameful that Mamata Banerjee opens up government secrets in such a casual manner."

Earlier, senior Congress leader Mani Shankar Aiyar called opposition MPs as animals while another small regional leader (these days) and West Bengal Chief Minister Mamata Banerjee found calling Markandeya Katju as 'Dog'.

These statements drew a serious debate in India over the Law of Confidentiality and disclosing the real race of the politicians which is totally prohibited under the Indian Act -----.

"I don't believe that sensible leader like Mani Shankarji would do such thing," said Suhel Seth, an Indian intellectual in an India Debate organised by Rajdeep Sardesai.

He made his point "See, I think every animal has his private life and he doesn't want to get exposed in the society as chance of degradation increases."

Another intellect and famous ad Guru, Prahlad Kakkar said he was totally surprised to see Mani Shankar leaking the important government documents.

"I am not surprised what Mamata said. She loves to say something. But she should also be careful in disclosing important information in the society. But this Mani Shankar, he could have really kept his mouth shut," said Kakkar.

Opposition party leaders busted on Aiyar for his statement and asked senior minister Kapil Sibal to draw a special law of keeping the identity of all the leaders as private and seriously confidential.

"We demand an arrest of Mani Shankar under IT and Animals Identity Disclosure Act for revealing the truth and degrading us by talking in a derogatory way," said Arun Jaitley, senior leader of BJP.

Social activist turned Politician Arvind Kejriwal said "I had pledged to show my voters the actual and real faces of politicians, particularly MPs but Mani Shankar Aiyar theft our agenda and leaked the documents. I seriously condemn this act of leaking documents and disclosing truth before us."

Barack Obama said nation either I will solve fiscal cliff or otherwise I will fuck you

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in , ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - WORLD

In a hard-hitting speech, US President Barack Obama signaled that he would not charge expected tax rates to upper-income Americans or otherwise he would fuck the markets and rich guys.

"Yes, I think I am a flexible a bit. I am a modest a bit too. It is my approach to give small but make it large. I know many rich Americans are expecting themselves to become poor by fiscal cliff this month. But I want to assure them that either I will resolve all the issues in a stipulated time at least in this era or I will fuck all of them. I will fuck US stock markets and I will keep my mouth shut thereafter," said President Barack Obama to give some relaxation to US citizens.

Barack Obama is in a special mood to make relax his counterparts who are not very comfortable with him. Along with rich Americans, he wanted to keep his ex-rival happy.

He said "Guys, I have already fucked Romney. Now nobody knows where he is. I have just found him in Alaska's beautiful ice cold and chilled mountains. Therfore I called him to visit White House and have lunch or dinner and get back to Alaska again."

Reacting to Obama's motivating speech, US markets rose sharply.

"Most of the stocks gone up on the new expectations that they would get fucked by Obama," said a stock expert, avoiding his identity.

30% Indians gave up the idea of abusing Thackerays, Shiv Sena and MNS

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday 28 November 2012 | Posted in , , ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS

After incidents of arresting two girls and one boy, 30% Indians clearly abandoned the idea of abusing or objecting any politician, any Thackerays in the world along with the names such as Shiv Sena and Maha Nirvan Sena for a while just to secure from the severe cold.

"I actually thought of writing something on Raj, but after the arrest of Sunil Vishwakarma, I postponed the plan," said Bangalore based Twitterite Raj Kumar Yadav.

He said that many of his colleagues also decided to postpone the plan right now and whenever feel like outing in jail would start abusing.

He said "It's a good idea a picnic to jail is always great thing. Different and more thrilling."

A survey done by SurveyMonkey clearly stated that the winter season and hopelessly cool atmosphere kept all the Facebook writers and Twitterites to avoid writing anything on Raj, Uddhav Thackeray, Shiv Sena and MNS.

"Yes, 30% of social networking activists are clearly indicated that they would not post anything that Police would consider it as offensive. While 10% said that they can risk their life and would like to enjoy the thrill of lying in the jail in severe cold. Rest are still unclear whether to say something or not seeking the detailed climate report from Indian Meterological Department (IMD)," said S Balakrishnan, survey head of SurveyMonkey.

"Oye who want to go to jail in this cold," said Lucky Bedi, a Facebook frequent visitor who is followed by 12,244 fans.

He said "Better be at home having some garam tea and pakaudas."

According to IMD, India may see a severe cold and people may find it incovenient to stay in jail because of unavailability of basic amenities.

"Actually, because of continued holidays we are a bit let forecasting cold this year. We are sorry for inconvenience to many Indians on postponing decision to go to jail," said IMD official.

Candid chat with Ram Jethmalani on his awesome and fuckingly envious health

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday 27 November 2012 | Posted in ,

HEALTH TALKS

Ram Jethmalani who recently came into picture when he blasted on Nitin Gadkari, Ayodhya's Ram, Arun Jaitly and entire BJP has disclosed what is behind his great health which is envious to even a young Indian in a candid talk with India Satire Correspondent.

Talking about his health, Mr. Jethmalani who recently crossed 89 years said "What is in age? 89 is the age where I should start a political career. While talking about my fit body and strong mouth, I have done a lot of sacrifices. I have stopped drinking milk in the morning and shifted to white wine. I stopped having green vegetables and clearly made avaiable for all type of meaty food. Then every day I made sure that I would have at least 0.5 to 1 Surya Namaskar. I also practice shouting by using badass mouth in front of mirror to keep my mouth strong. I also use boxing gloves and hit the cushions hard. I jump 20 times and runs for 5 minutes daily. All this helped improved my health."

Does he take protein shakes to show his body in a great shape and look younger?

Ram Jethmalani said "No I never take protein shake. I just have cocktail of whisky, rum and beer."

So how does he manage the exercise in spite of such a long and hardworking schedule?

"What busy schedule? I am totally unemployed lawyer and no work than giving interviews. Managin 2-3 interviews daily is not that difficult job. Otherwise I am free," said Jethmalani.

But political aspirations at this age, isn't it some bit of exaggeration?

"Fuck! If Lalu (Lalkrishna Advani here and not Lalu Prasad Yadav) can dream becoming PM at this age then why not I aspire to become a great politician of India," said Jethmalani.

Tips for readers

Jethmalani said "Drink a lot, shout a lot and make yourself free of any bad words and let others decide whether they can tolerate you or not."

Daily Schedule

Morning

Before Breakfast

Day starts with white wine keeps tooth strong. He has forgotten when Jethmalani stopped using toothpaste and toothbrush.

"White wine is good for clearing stomach," said Jethmalani.

Breakfast

Eat Egg with Butter - Egg has Egg Protein and Butter has Milk Protein

"Good breakfast, I just put egg into butter and mix it well and eat it. 10 years back I used to eat raw eggs with butter when I had good tooth. Now-a-days I boil them and then mix with butter," said Jethmalani.

Exercise

·         0.5 to 1 Push ups keep you healthy always

·         20 Jumps

·         5 minutes walk

"I don't get walk usually. Everyday car and car that sucks to your health. Try to walk for 5 minutes max. Don't be more than 5 minutes as it can put you in the league of masses," said Jethmalani.

Lunch

Whatever embolden with great whisky syrup

Evening Exercise

·         Talks a lot at least move your jaw for 120 times in 5 minutes

·         Shout at 180 decibels range

Dinner

Nothing much but mix of different varieties of cocktail

Favorite cocktails are

·         Whisky, Rum and Beer

·         Beer, Whisky and Milk

·         Mangola, Whisky and Rum

·         Beer, Fruity and Whisky

BCCI canceled contract with Ambuja Cements, asks JK Cements to build Eden Gardens pitch

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in , ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - SPORTS

After a complete let down on the Wankhede, team India submitted its 35 pages report alleging that India's leading cement company Ambuja Cements used poor quality of cement in building pitch, BCCI decided to cancel the contract of the company for Eden Gardens and allotted to JK Cements.

"Yea we asked Ambuja Cements to build some dead pitch with support to Indian spin. However, they built a pitch that supported English spin," said an Official of BCCI.

He said "Finally, we decided to cancel Ambuja's contract and allotted it to leading northern cement company JK Cement."

Sources said that JK Cements would build Eden Gardens pitch which would be totally lifeless. The company also promised to provide free muddy colouring on the pitch to look it like pitch made of dust.

Arvind Kejriwal discloses Rs 1500 scam in his Aam Aadmi Party, suspends sweeper Ram Sharan

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday 26 November 2012 | Posted in , ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS

Immediately after launch, Arvind Kejriwal discovered a scam within his own party, Aam Aadmi Party (AAP).

"Yes Ram Sharan was involved in a big broom scam of Rs 1500 which I discovered just today morning. I have suspended him for indefinite time and appointed a Manish Sisodia led commission to inquire him," said Aam Aadmi Party promoter Arvind Kejriwal in a packed Press conference.

He said "Ram Sharan inflated figures of brooms by at least 40% to 60% during last 1 week. AAP paid Rs 1500 more for buying brooms. While it was Mr. Sisodia who brought everything to my notice, I took no time to suspend him. I can't tolerate indiscipline and corruption in my party."

According to sources, the cost of a generic broom is around Rs 50, however Ram Sharan, the lead sweeper of the Party Office said to have paid 70-80 rupees per broom. Manish Sisodia and Prashant Bhushan confirmed the scam by visiting Delhi market and took the note of the prices.

"Actually, if we make online shopping we get more reasonable rates. Many online marketers sell these brooms at Rs 40-43 which would unreasonably inflate the prices," said Prashant Bhushan.

Ram Sharan, however, denied any allegations and said he is innocent.

"Hum kaa kare. Hum kaa unhi paisan maa jhaadu mile rahe hai," said Ram Sharan.

The scam drew attention of Congress and BJP which asked detail inquiry about AAP under CAG.

"I am sure that the party may be involved in more such scams such as Chair scam, desk scam and what not. I think at least a corruption of 20-30000 is possible in AAP," said senior Congress leader, Digvijay Singh.

Indian Cricket Team pays tribute to martyrs and victims of 26/11 by sacrificing easy win against England

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Sunday 25 November 2012 | Posted in , ,

NEWS IN BRIEF – SPORTS, TERRORISM

Indian Cricket team management said that it gave tribute to 26/11 victims and martyrs by sacrificing its easy win against England.

"We actually could have easily finished English team in 3 days. However, to pay tribute to 26/11 martyrs we decided to stay unhappy and less motivated," said Mahendra Singh Dhoni, India's captain.

He said "It was our duty to remain less inspired and unenthusiastic today. Otherwise Bhajji could have easily scored a century in the first session of the match. Besides that the cricket pitch was also bad."

Answering the relationship between the disastrous incidence of 26/11 and loss against England, Dhoni said "Actually, it was the lack of motivation when we remembered that unfortunate event led us to the losing battle against England. We wanted to pay tribute by sacrificing something. Otherwise we are the best team in the world. We can easily beat England in England, Australia in Australia, so the best tribute was something to sacrifice which we do in a routine and effortless job. Therefore we decided to lose the match today."

Dhoni also confirmed that the team has decided to remain sluggish whenever it will remember those miserable events in the Indian history.

"Next time we would be defeated when we would remember Bhopal Gas Tragedy," said Mahendra Singh Dhoni.

(Apart from the sarcasm of the above story, the Team India Satire pays tribute to the victims and martyrs of 26/11)

Aam Aadmi Party and Arvind Kejriwal

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in ,

STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES

India Satire tried to identify the newly formed political party 'Aam Aadmi Party' by Arvind Kejriwal


Arvind Kejriwal reveals a new scam; this time alleged former telecom minister A Raja

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Friday 23 November 2012 | Posted in ,

TOP STORY - POLITICS

After a series of revelation of scams last month, Arvind Kejriwal made one of the biggest revelations today. He called it 2G scam and alleged that former telecom minister A Raja made huge money by distributing 2G spectrum licenses at almost free of cost.

Showing a bunch of papers, Arvind Kejriwal said "Today I am going to expose one of the biggest scams in which former telecom minister was involved. He made huge money by distributing India's precious natural resource to these corporate. You would never believe that this guy will also be involved in the scam. I got a first hand information from CAG official."

He revealed that he received a report from an official of the India's most independent agency, Comptroller and Auditor General of India (CAG).

"This official despite the death threats gave me this report just to disclose how much corruption has reached to the roots of our democracy," said Arvind Kejriwal in a serious tone.

He said "This report that I got from an official of CAG suggests that A Raja distributed valuable spectrum at almost free of cost making a loss of Rs 1.76 lakh crore rupees to exchequer," and threw the papers on the Hindustan Times journalist seating in front of him.

He said "This report says that the 2G spectrum which had to give huge chunk to government made a notional loss of Rs 1.76 lakh crore rupees. Findings also suggest that our Prime Minister Manmohan Singh asked A Raja not to offer 2G spectrum on first come first serve basis but using auction method. However, he just ignored PM's demand and sold spectrum at such cheap rates."

However, when journalists asked him that this one was old report and A Raja already faced jail for some time, confused Arvind Kejriwal muttered with other IAC guys.

"Oh this is not old report, but the original findings that I received. Just as Manish told me old report shows that loss figure of Rs 1,75,958 crore while this report shows a notional loss of Rs 1,76,002 crore and therefore my report is correct. I am not going to file case against A Raja or Congress government but I wanted to expose the corruption here," said Arvind Kejriwal.

After patch-up, Shah Rukh Khan, Salman Khan and Karan Johar sat together discussed problems of LGBT

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - BOLLYWOOD

If sources to be believed, after patching up at the premier of Jab Tak Hai Jaan, Shah Rukh Khan, Salman Khan and Karan Johar sat together in a long conference room and discussed problems of Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals and Transgender (LGBT) community, together fulfilling a long standing demand of Karan Johar.

According to source closed to the development Karan Johar believed to have told his friend that now he feels satisfied as both the macho men fulfilled his demand for discussing the serious LGBT issue and their problems.

However, source said that nothing concrete has come out of the discussion and finally it ended as a debate that generally happens on news channel.

If believed in the news, Karan Johar will strip all his clothes as he committed to his fans through India Satire on patch up of Salman Khan and Shah Rukh Khan. He said that he is not Poonam Pandey who only roars and not dares.

Nation asks question: Who controls CAG Government or BJP?

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in ,

INFOGRAPHICS

India started asking question as actually who controls Comptroller and Auditor General of India (CAG). While general perception was that CAG was independent body reporting to India's President and presents its report to Parliament, it changed drastically after ex-CAG Officer RP Singh's allegation and Sonia Gandhi's frustration.

After Congress Chief Sonia Gandhi's statement that the BJP stood exposed in terms of the role it had played in calculating loss figures on the 2G report the nation is now seriously started doubting about controller of CAG, whether it is President of India or UPA or BJP. Ramesh Sharma, a common man on the streets of India's some small town highlighted few points on the 2G saga:

  • If CAG is an independent agency then what is the harm if it listens to BJP and make some report
  • Why not both Kapil Sibal and CAG should allow to write reports? Only similar points should be allowed to qualify
  • Confusion is that whether Manish Tewari is a minister or party spokesperson. Or whether Information and Broadcasting Ministry is a PR agency of UPA, ah sorry Congress Party
  • To go to the root of the scam, first find out how much bill Murli Manohar Joshi pays through his mobile phone. Much can be discovered there.
  • Is Nitin Gadkari on the Board of CAG, Government should clarify that first
  • Neither we are going to get anything nor the government is going to loose anything then why rhetoric
  • Show us the money how much have collected after CAG report
  • Murli Manohar Joshi can clarify what dishes CAG head Vinod Rai like. First assumption is that Rai hates Pizza and Burger.
  • Sometimes public looks fool when it sees that 2G case is still to be resolved. Oh Bofors case is also still to be resolved, I believe.

Government decided to merge CAG with CBI to increase transperancy and ensure better standards of governance

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS

After a slew of allegations over the lack of governance and transparency with charges of corruption, finally Indian government decided to merge the Comptroller and Auditor General of India (CAG) with operationally unscathed Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI). The announcement came after ex-CAG official alleged CAG for chances of corruption, threat to signature and wastage of money on free holiday packages.

"We have waited and waited but CAG hardly tries to improve. What the f*ck! They (CAG officials) are spending huge money on holidays, almost a notional loss of 1-2 lakh rupees," said Kapil Sibal, Telecom Minister of India.

He said "This lack of transparency and governance only malign India's reputation in the world. Therefore, we finally decided to merge CAG into our best and most non-corrupt organisation, CBI."

Due to high levels of stricter controls by Prime Minister and PMO along with controling authority of UPA, CBI never indulged into any kind of corruption, threatening and wasting time over calculating notional losses.

"CBI directors will handle CAG and will never waste their time to calculate losses on each and every transaction made by the government," said Kapil Sibal.

The decision came after Empowered Group Of Ministers, headed by Finance Minister P Chidambaram debated the issue. According to sources, Home Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde easily agreed to take control of CAG through CBI.

NDTV debate finally reaches to conclusion; recommended at least 25000 deaths to consider death penalty

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday 22 November 2012 | Posted in , , ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - TERRORISM

A heated debate on NDTV show 'Is it time to debate the death penalty' finally reached a conclusion. All the experts unanimously agreed to 25000 as a minimum number of death toll by terrorist to consider as a death penalty from him.

All the experts said "We are agreed to the number 25000 which shows a mild intensity of terrorist attack and therefore a Judge can start whether to consider the case for death penalty. Our suggestion is echoed by our great and honorary investors from Gulf in Indian media."

The debate started after NDTV considered terrorist Ajmal Kasab's mercy plea before hanging when he said "Allah kasam, maaf kar do. Chhod do, aisi galti dobara nahin hogi." Anchor said that her eyes were wet when she saw the news.

The panelists also suggested that if the death number is below 200, the terrorist should let go to his home considering the negligible or very small harm to the society.

"Why should we take the law made by the God? Let him sort the things out in the heaven or hell," said an associate editor of The Hindu, who was present in the debate.

Sources said that before reaching to conclusion the anchor received a phone call from Saudi Arabia.

Special Note: Panelists disclosed that they have no stake in the terrorism, as none of their family members have died or injured in any kind of bomb blast, gun shootout or terrorist activity.

To tribute to Ajmal Kasab, LeT Chief Hafeez Saeed said he will personally come to India carrying guns and bombs this time

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday 21 November 2012 | Posted in , ,

INTERVIEW

That way he would also remove perception about him that he is fuc*ing fearful guy

LeT Chief Hafeez Saeed decided to come to India with guns, and bombs and he will himself blast in the country's top metros. This way he decided to tribute Ajmal Kasab and remove general perception that he is not deep shit ass hole that affraid of Police firing and death execution by court.

"I want to prove that I am not shitty mole which fears of everything. I can face Police firing and let Indian Police come to me and fire me 50 or 50,000 bullets. I will come myself with gun and bomb alone and will attack like a Bollywood hero. That way I will also tribute Ajmal Kasab," said Lashkar e Taiba chief in a candid chat with India Satire correspondent post Kasab's execution.

He said "I don't affraid of a shit. I want to remove a tag that I am just a mother fuc*er that is saved by Pakistani politicians just to clean their as*es and toilets."

Hafeez Saeed was a bit strong and vocal this time saying that he had the courage to lift the gun and fight.

"I can lift upto 1.5kg of gun with 20 gms of 2 bullets," told Hafeez Saeed showing his arms with small biceps.

"The Almighty told me that I have strength to face 50000 bullets at a time. They (Indian Army) can come to me each and every army guy can shoot 50000 bullets still nothing will happen to me. I am like 'Amoeba' if one bullet touches my body it would just return back from my shit preserved tummy. I have courage even if thousands of bombs come to me they wouldn't do anything. I will remove the label of being a fuc*ing bas*ard that even fears an ant," said Hafeez Saeed with grave voice.

While Hafeez Saeed told that the date on which his arrival to India is yet to be decided he said nothing can stop me. "No other Pakistani or PoK guy will come to India. I will myself come and with guns and bombs. Even if you declare an execution my neck is made of steel," said Hafeez Saeed.

By the time, Indian Government announced that all Metros in India are on high alert.

City news editor expressed his displeasure on Kasab's execution said he was very unhappy

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in , , , ,

TOP STORY - TERRORISM

However, many other journalists and editors gave same comments creating copy right issue

City news editor from a famous news channel expressed his displeasure and huge amount of sadness over Kasab's execution and also showed that entire news media support the innocent Kasab for getting injustice by the Indian Government. He expressed his views in line with other city based journalists, editors and reporters who expressed their displeasure on Kasab's death.

Seating in a bar with a glass of Old Monk, the City News Editor, representing one of the top News Channels of India said "Why did Government execute him? That poor and innocent baby, why did it take such an extreme step?"

Taking each and every sip of Old Monk with heavy heart, the editor said "Killing common man is so common and acceptable even by a terrorist, but why special guy like Kasab who just visited India (sob sob)?"

The comment came in line with the reactions from many editors and India's news media journalists who expressed their immense displeasure on the justice of execution.

IBN Lokmat editor Nikhil Wagle said "Kasab gone, but the world is full of extremists and idiots." Former Executive Editor of The Hindu, Malini Parthasarathy, said "Kasab hanged. How does legal sanction for retaliatory murder redeem the savagery of what is in essence an "eye for an eye" act of revenge?" (Special Note: Indian Government took a note on Malini's statement and is recommended for Noble Peace Prize).

According to FirstPost, writer and activist Meena Kandasamy was acidulous when she said: "feel sorry for the Indian tricolour. heartfelt condolences" while Newsweek International editor Tunku Varadarajan alluded to the paradoxical delivery of justice in the country: "India hangs man responsible for killing hundreds of Mumbaikars days after it lauds man responsible for killing thousands". His hashtags in the tweet were the giveaway as to whom he referred to.

However, City Editor said that he was original in his thought and always felt sorry for Kasab inside his thought. He also raised copy right related issues and told that the originality is important. Even while words can be different if the theme is copied it should also be considered as breach of copy right.

He said "These people copied my theme."

Giving his grave smile, he said "That Malini Parthasarathy is totally copy paste editor what the fu*k eye for an eye thing. Boss I give you original stuff. A terrorist can rape me, he can strip me and he also can kill me but don't take revenge, don't punish him and late him live peacefully."

The Editor completing his statement said "I always told myself that Kasab should not be hanged. I was the first who immediately after Police captured him in 26-11 massacre told my mind that this guy, this guy should not be hanged and therefore I was the first and the most original in thinking such way."

After Ajmal Kasab's execution, Hafeez Saeed found masturbating furiously just before his own final term

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday 20 November 2012 | Posted in , , ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - TERRORISM

Many Talibanis and Pakistani terrorists found Lashkar-e-Taiba Supremo Mullah Hafeez Saeed having sessions of masturbation privately after the execution of Ajmal Kasab in Yerwada Jail, Pune. Sources said that Saeed was acting out of fear that if he was being jailed again in India he would not get chance to secretly masturbate and would remain deprived for world's best stress relieving technique.

"Janaab Saeed started pumping his cock up and down furiously when I told him that Kasab bhai executed in India," said Umanullah Khan, a street beggar in Pakistan who is actually learning these days how to shoot using AK-56.

He told India Satire correspondent "I was amazed and asked why he was masturbating. He said that even I should seat their and start masturbating otherwise I would also not get a chance to do it. He told me that Indian Jails don't give privacy and we can't relieve our stress. He was on rampant just before oozing out."

Sources said that Kasab complained Hafeez Saeed from jail that he was not getting opportunity to have self stimulation sessions while watching many beautiful virgin girls in his dreams.

"That made Janaab Saeed for having masturbation at same point of time. He doesn't want to remain destitute of the pleasure," said a close associate who witnessed the development.

He said "Janaab also asked all of us to have indoor sessions every day morning, afternoon, evening and night so that all of us whenever found attacking any of the Indian cities would not feel like deprived of this opportunity."

Indian Mummy found saying her son not to comment or like on Facebook varna Police aa jaayegi

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday 19 November 2012 | Posted in , ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY

City based Mummy Rajana found saying her son Chunky not to comment or like on Facebook which may take him to jail. The development came after Mumbai Police arrested two girls for posting and liking a comment on bandh held in Mumbai on Monday.

"Beta Chunky, Facebook pe Kuch bhi comment ya like mat karnaa warnaa Police aa jayegi," found Rajana telling her 9 year old son when he was not moving his eyes from Facebook page.

The shocking comment resembles popular yesteryear movie 'Sholay' when famous robber Gabbar Singh tells his associate 'Samba' "Pachchas pachchas kos dur agar koi bachcha rota hai to uski ma keheti hai bachcha so ja warna Gabbar aa jaayega."

Experts said that today Mummies are mostly affraid of law than the destructors of law. The word 'Gabbar Singh' is interchangeable to the words Kapil Sibal, Digvijay Singh, Manmohan Singh and now Police.

"This rising threat can only destroy the famous right to tweet or like," said College going Rashmi Pansare from Mumbai.

Delhi based Archita Sharma told that she was warned by her mom again and again not to tweet or like something that she thinks is funny or likeable.

"Because every likeable or funny or significant thing is against some political party like Shiv Sena, or some stupid politician, or government," said Sharma.

Government said that it would act in every possible manner to reduce this rising trend of calling Police as Gabbar Singh.

"I will tell Police Officers that just keep tabs on the comments and likes. If something found rude or untolerable against me, myself or anybody in the politics then find the house of that bloody idiot. Go over there and slap him hard on both the cheeks. Kick on his ass and then comeback. Don't take him to jail warna Katju aa jaayega," said Kapil Sibal.

Markandey Katju received notice from Mumbai Police for unnecessarily reacting on the arrest of two girls

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in , ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS

Press Council chief Markandey Katju received a notice from Mumbai Police asking him over his daring to order Maharashtra CM Prithviraj Chavan to inquire in to the wrongful arrest of a woman for protesting against a bandh following Shiv Sena chief Bal Thackeray's death. The development came after Maharashtra CM saw the letter lying on his desk written by some Katju ordering him to probe in the arrest matters.

Police Inspector Shinde who was present in the cabin of the CM said "After watching the letter, Mr. Chavan asked me who this Katju is. I have never heard his name. How dare he ordering me? Enquire him who is this guy and take him under custody. This guy is spreading angst for the Maharashtra Government arrest him under section 341, 342."

Shinde said "We just wanted to understand why this guy was unnecessarily talking. Therefore we sent a constable."

Acting on Chavan's instruction, Mumbai Police immediately sent Katju a notice and Hawaldar Pandu went to arrest him. However, after viewing many news reports saying that Press Council chief Katju wrote a letter to Chief Minister of Maharashtra removed all the ambiguities and Prithviraj Chavan took back his orders and avoid further embarrassment for Maharashtra.


I am happiest person in the world as 2G auction failed - Kapil Sibal

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Friday 16 November 2012 | Posted in ,

OPINION

I can't express my feelings that I have been accumulating since the day 2G auction failed and government couldn't collect the require money to reduce fiscal deficit. It is difficult to measure my happiness as the auction failed by widest of margin that I expected. I specially want express my gratitude towards the current economic slowdown which was the major reason for failure of the 2G auction. Wow such an intense feeling that even Abhishek Manu never gets even after releasing orgasm.

I always felt that people are so stupid thinking that we are really concerned about the things make their life easier. Oh sucks! If that happens nobody would be happy in the world. Take example of A Raja. He found a simple way come here take the 2G license for free. It was a win-win situation. First take the license for free and then ask a foreign company to pay an exorbitant amount to buy a small stake in that company. We showed an easy way of becoming billion dollar company. As a populist government it was our first duty to build strong companies for the nation. We are a government and not like sadak chaap baniyas who usually charges for each-n-everything. How come CAG thought that we would have charged so much of fees on these small companies which were going to become biggies like Reliance?

Look at the estimate of Rs1.76 lakh crore. What stupid estimate that was? No company in India has such kind of amount to pay us. Further this is a no-profit and no-loss government and therefore it can't think from the profit making point of view. Therefore, A Raja thought of going in a unique way that was suitable for poor companies to apply for 2G license. Now this CAG measures everything in terms of profit and loss. This is the stupidest way of identifying the benefits to society. The government works in a simpler way. Allow to use natural resources for free of cost and collect the revenues from the middle class public. But CAG's way of tackling the entire issue was very complex.

I really feel that with failed auction CAG also lost the moral authority to suggest government that it should not make any losses by selling the natural resources for free of cost. We are selling water, air and sun light for free of cost. We started giving spectrum, coal and iron ore for free of cost. Tomorrow many other things such as land, trees and animals would be made available for free of cost to Indian companies. And in near future we will also sell you guys, you all guys at free of cost and then that time CAG will not say anything.

Today I am happiest man on the earth for not getting sufficient revenue from 2G auction to the nation. Wow! Such a marvelous feeling that I have.

Government confirmed that it would take 2G auction till economic recession ends

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in , ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - POLITICS

After announcing its plans for 2G auction by March 31, 2013, the government said that it would again-and-again take 2G auctions till the economic recession and telecom slowdown ends. Just when the booming period would be back the government would again issue telecom spectrum on first-cum-first-serve basis.

"By the time our telecom slowdown ends and more and more such flop shows of 2G auction, we will start alloting spectrum on first-cum-first-serve basis, a policy that guided by Hon. Ex-Telecom Minister A Raja," said Telecom Minister Kapil Sibal.

The development came after, earlier 2G auction lasted just two days, got total bids worth Rs 9,407.64 crore, just one-third of the minimum Rs 28,000 crore the government was expecting.

Sibal said "We are aware that CAG would again make some stupid calculations. But for the time being, these auctions would be good enough to slap how we fool on the face of CAG and Supreme Court."

Senior leader and UPA Minister, Manish Tewari said "I earlier asked the question where is Rs 176,000 crore to CAG. Nobody in the government has such a great amount of power to ask such question. Now I tell you CAG come and make these auctions successful. By the time we would complete our recessionary phase, we will back to first come policy."

India's Finance Minister P Chidambaram told India Satire correspondent "Anybody can put a dagger on UPA's shoulder but neither fiscal deficit nor inflation has guts to stop us from our policies."

After Savita's death, Irish doctors get direct entry in the Vatican City to contest as a Pope

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in , ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - WORLD

Doctors in Ireland confirmed that just by adhering law of God of not to abort a baby they would get direct entry for contesting as a Pope in the Vatican City.

"Yea it's a magic. When you have all the reasons and ways to save a person's life, if you let her die it is itself a big magic and all magicians are considered as saint. Therefore, we are saint and we have direct entry in the Vatican City," said a spokesman at University Hospital in Galway.

Spokesman said "We tried to save the baby and therefore God gave us this grant to contest elections of Pope."

The tragic death of Indian dentist Savita Halappanavar's in Ireland sparked a serious outrage and brought the debate on the abortion laws to the fore front. However, the hospital staff said that it was an entry for the genuine and godly hospital servants to serve the god directly in the Vatican City.

Vatican City is an ecclesiastical or sacerdotal-monarchical state, ruled by the Bishop of Rome—the Pope. The highest state functionaries are all Catholic clergymen of various national origins. It is the sovereign territory of the Holy See (Sancta Sedes) and the location of the Pope's residence, referred to as the Apostolic Palace.

While replying to the question of the India Satire correspondent that it would have been difficult for hospital staff to choose between a person's life and Holy Place, Vatican city, the doctor replied that it is an opportunity that comes in years and we wanted to choose God than a human being.

Talking about the duration it takes to become a Pope, doctor said "It is not an issue we can wait 20-30 years for current Pope to decide when he wants to meet God and Holy Jesus Christ and then only we would contest for the elections. Till then we have already booked our seat."

ICC accepted BCCI's plea to change the size of Sachin Tendulkar's bat

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday 15 November 2012 | Posted in , ,

NEWS IN BRIEF - SPORTS

New cricket bat will help Tendulkar to continue his cricketing journey for next 20 years

International Cricket Council (ICC) agreed the request of The Board Of Control For Cricket In India (BCCI) to change the cricket bat size of Master Blaster Sachin Tendulkar. The bat will have 1.5x to 2x more than his current bat and with half the weight.

"We sent a special request to ICC after Sachin finished his beautifully constructed and technically right inning against England yesterday," said N Srinivasan, Chairman of BCCI.

He said "In a genuine request we asked them to consider flawless record of Sachin for last 22 years and his unblemished great contribution to India politics. We also acknowledge them a fact that he was the only player playing for Indian cricket side with Member of Parliament's batch."

Srinivasan confirmed that the development was nothing to do with recent flip flops of Sachin Tendulkar in cricket and told that he felt it would be tribute giving a giant bat to a giant of the cricket.

"BCCI always think of entertaining Indian cricket audience. This way we thought that if Sachin gets 2 times a larger bat he would convert 17 runs into 170 runs," said N Srinivasan.

BCCI also confirmed that ICC agreed to its request and now negotiations are going on the size of the bat.

"ICC thinks that 1.5x larger bat is sufficient for Tendulkar as he is having great cricketing technique and sense while BCCI said that it is only interested in the longevity of the Cricket audience seating and watching his inning," said a top official of BCCI, requesting anonymity.

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