Chacha Digvijay Singh honoured with Doctorate on his birthday for his immense contribution to politics

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday 29 February 2012 | Posted in


Diggy Chacha Birthday Bash
















Tribute to Diggy Chacha, Congress released a book ‘Sucking the brain for political gain’, Rahul Baba promises marriage this year

Whole India celebrated 65th birthday of its favorite Chacha Digvijay Singh, Tuesday. For a change, Congress party activists were also very active and seen demanding a special Bharat Ratna-Entertainment award to Diggy Chacha. Party president Sonia Gandhi announced a doctorate to Chacha for his immense contribution to the area of politics in India, before she headed to USA for regular check-up. Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC) correspondent brings you the report of birth day celebration of Diggy Chacha.

Whole nation celebrated Diggy Chacha's birthday

Whole nation, then be it common man, bollywood celebrities, cricket personalities or even politicians, all celebrated Diggy Chacha's birthday on Tuesday.


Book Launch


Congress honoured Diggy Chacha with doctorate, released a book with his quotes

Congress Party honoured a doctoral degree to Chacha Digvijay Singh (Diggy Chacha) for his immense contribution in the areas of political communication.  Before heading to America for a ‘Regular Check-up’ party President Sonia Gandhi sent a special message addressing entire nation that she was grateful that she was the bahu of the country where immortal souls like Diggyji resides.

Doctor Diggy Chacha
“This doctoral degree was just a small payback of Diggyji’s contribution in tomorrow’s India with Rahul Baba,” said Soniyaji.


“Now onwards Diggyji will be called as Dr. Digvijay Singh,” said Soniyaji.

On this auspicious day, party workers also published an encyclopedia to successful political career. The book contains only quotes of Diggy Chacha which made time to time to direct and attract Indian youth towards politics. The book was written by Manish Tewari in his free-time. Name of the book is “Sucking the brain for political gain”.

Rahul Baba promised Diggy Chacha about his marriage this year

Baba and Chacha in serious discussion
Rahul Baba confirmed that Diggy Chacha was his real and only mentor through-out his life.

“I never like studies before I met Diggy Chacha. I hated my college and post-college education which was really boring. But with Diggy Chacha I grew up like a best student. My interest in understanding aam-admi and India’s youth rose because of Diggy Chacha. I promise Chacha on this auspicious occasion that I will surely marry this year,” said Rahul Baba.

A bunch of people witnessed wet eyes of Diggy Chacha after Baba’s speech.

Cities were flooded with huge crowd and traffic jams

Many cities were flooded with lakhs of activists demanding a small glance of Diggy Chacha on his birthday, which also created a serious challenge for Municipal Authorities in managing the traffic jams.

Millions of people wished Diggy Chacha happy birthday

Our Mumbai correspondent noted world's longest traffic jam. Commuters from Churchgate to Andheri took at least 8-10 hours, as many activists and supporters demanded prestigious Bharat Ratna in Entertainment award to Diggy Chacha.

Rakesh Jethmalani, an ardent follower of Diggy Chacha said "We want Diggy Chacha to get this year's Bharat Ratna for entertaining us. Our squad of 22000 people is ready to sit on the indefinite fast."

However, commuters which faced the problem of traffic jams were also demanding the best entertainer award for Diggy Chacha.

Sudesh Oberoy who was inside his Bentley for over 6 hours said "We are used to track Diggy Chacha on regular basis he is real entertainer."  

These activities witnessed in all the other major cities of India, including all the metros.

Government employees successfully conducted strike attributing it to Diggy Chacha

All the major trade unions called an all India strike yesterday which received great response from the government employees. Sources said that all the government employees stayed their homes eating cakes and pastries while wishing Diggy Chacha on his birthday.

Few notorious politicians like Mamta Banerjee denied the success of the strike while trade unions claimed that it was the most successful of all the strikes in India.

Suryakanta Mishra, leader in Bengal said "All the employees took a leave for 24-hour to just wish to Diggy Chacha on his birthday."

Unveiling the main intention behind the strike, Mishra also said “It was a rumor that we called this strike for the purpose of rising inflation or squeezing our work time from 8 hours to 4 hours. The main reason was to allow government employees to celebrate Diggyji’s birthday.”

Railways distributed hygienic food to its passengers free of cost

For a change, Indian railway distributed purely hygienic food and water at a free of cost to its commuters just to tribute to Diggy Chacha.

"In spite of spending thousand rupees on AC sleeper class ticket we get totally unhygienic and useless food. But yesterday, to our amazement we got hygienic food with clean spoons and other cutleries," said Satish Gupta, a regular Rajdhani Express traveller.

A second class traveler, however, was furious on the management of Indian railways for not informing before time about the food distribution. Sanjay Chawla said “We brought our food tiffins because the ridiculous quality of Railway food. But now we felt we did a big mistake.”

All flights were on schedule yesterday

All the flights scheduled on right time yesterday, as oil marketing companies announced free Aviation Turbine Fuel to aviation companies just to dedicate this discount to Diggy Chacha.

Kingfisher Airlines head Vijay Mallya said "After a long time, Kingfisher's flights took off at right time. We also reduced our debt burden by 1 day."

To avoid any nastyevent such as cockroaches found in the food on this auspicious day, Jet Airways checked its entire food basket before serving it to its passengers.

Other Notable Events
  • Karan Johar said that Diggyji will be Kancha Cheena in his next sequel of Agneepath’s sequel
  • Karunanidhi promised voters of building Diggyji’s temples in Tamilnadu if they vote him again
  • Kapil Sibal gave a commitment that he will not chew his own words or pan masala or gutkha or any kind of tobacco products to honour Diggy Chacha
  • Nitin Gadkari promised Diggy Chacha that he will lose weight in more natural manner
  • Mayawati sent her own pair of sandals to Diggy Chacha which exactly fitted in Chacha’s foot
  • Mulayam Singh Yadav promised that he will not use of his nose before calling ‘Digvijay Singh’
  • Pakistan announced prestigious “Mullah Nasruddin Award” to Diggy Chacha

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Court damns Center's claim that thumb-sucking is a gay gesture

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday 28 February 2012 | Posted in


Wrongly mentioned in the petition pulled Supreme Court's ire

Pulling up the legs of government's stand on decriminalisation of gay sex, Supreme Court of India said "Don't make mockery of the system and don't waste court's time."


The event came after the court saw that the government's petition said that thumb-sucking exercise can be treated as a gay activity. The activity, if seen would be punishable as a sub-category under Gay-Oral Sex under section 377 (unnatural offences) of the IPC with a maximum punishable of life imprisonment.

"Actually, it was mistakenly placed in the petition and there was no intention to hurt thumb-sucking exercise of a kid population in India," said Brijendra Mishra, an official of the health ministry, after a lobby of children under 4 years age threatened to pull government in the courts.

Under the petition, the government said that it looks disgusting to see if somebody is sucking his thumb. It also lacks in terms of moral values.

A source said that it was insistence of additional Solicitor General PP Malhotra to include thumb-sucking exercise as an abusive oral sex activity and highly condemnable under the gay sex activities. PP Malhotra's close associate said that by Malhotra came to such a weird conclusion after reading an article.

Malhotra told the court, "Our Constitution is different and our moral and social values are also different from other countries, so we cannot follow them."

He went on to argue that societal disapproval of gay sex is strong enough reason to criminalise it. It is an offence because it is unnatural, he said. Sucking thumb is another unnatural activity, he said. To prove his claim he said "Sucker and fucker or sucking or fucking has only one word difference which also proves my claim."

However, lobby of children under 4 years was furious over the government's statement. President of the 
association of Children Rights Under 4 (CRU-4) and 4 years old Champu Sharma said "It's my thumb it's my mouth and it's my decision to put wherever I want. What the hell the government is trying to say? I am not going to put my thumb in PP Malhotra's mouth who feels it as a gay activity."

He also said that kids feel sucking thumb is a kind of relaxing activity after the hectic schedule of many activities through-out-day.

"Just sucking our thumbs make us gay.. what the hell this government thinks," said Archana Pandey on behalf of her 3 and half year old son Chintu Pandey. She said "The government is raising the rage among its future vote bank and it would get difficulties in electing Priyanka's kids as future prime ministers."

Scientists at Indian Institute of Science (IIS) also confirmed that though thumb-sucking does not look natural, it can't be treated under unnatural too.

"The government's officials are idiots and how can they include an innocent exercise of small kids as a gay activity," said R Gopalakrishnan, a faculty of IIS.

Karan Johar, a movie director and expert in Hindi Film Industry with gay perspective said he would not agree with the government's claim that thumb-sucking is a part of oral sex.

"I don't think thumb-sucking is gay gesture. I don't use thumb to suck. The idea fucks... yucks..," said Karan Johar, famously called K-Jo.

Congress spokesmen came in front to stop the government's fall-out in this case.

Manish Tiwary, Congress' spokesperson said "At Congress we always supported the freedom of thoughts and freedom of behavior. It is the claims of Additional Solicitor General and in no way involve the views of Madamji, Rahul Baba, Manmohanji or Diggyji."


Diggy Chacha told Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC) reporter said "People use to talk nonsense and show less wisdom. Actually, I never inserted my thumb in my mouth. Therefore, I can't say anything about the issue." Follow Diggy Chacha on Facebook, Google+, Twitter

 





Diggy Chacha asks government to ban jokes on homosexuals

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday 27 February 2012 | Posted in


LGBT community gets right voice in the form of Diggy Chacha

Voicing the noises of LGBT community in India, one of most afflicted minorities, Digvijay Singh (Diggy Chacha) said "Making mockery or jokes on homosexuals should be banned. I also recommend a legitimate quota for the community."


Chacha's statement came in the context of Additional Solicitor-General PP Malhotra's arguments to the court that same-sex relations were "highly immoral and against societal order". This statement can also be connected to increasing scenes in the bollywood movies, e.g. 'Jodi Breakers' depicting fun on homosexuality.

Diggy Chacha said "Malhotra's statement is itself a joke on the gay community and represents the thought-process of terror organizations such as RSS in India which is against the full freedom to Indians for identifying partners. I request Indian government to look in the matters and stop kidding over Lesbian-Gay-Bisexual-Transgender (LGBT) community which is also a minority in India. I request the law minister to put a CBI and RAW inquiry on PP Malhotra whether he is a RSS guy."

Talking exclusively to Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC) correspondent, Diggy Chacha said his statement should not be taken in the political context made to attract a new vote bank of minority community, as like it did about Muslims and dalits.

He said "We are not playing a vote bank politics. I just wanted to stress on the point that Congress always supported the minority communities in India and will support LGBT community as well."

When DCFC reporter asked Diggy Chacha whether LGBT community people will get reservation or legitimate quota in government jobs and education, he said "We are in a discussion with Madamji and final outcome will come as early as possible."

However, he thrashed the rumor that the government was thinking of granting 9% reservation to LGBT community out of Akhilesh Singh Yadav's demand for 18% reservation to Muslims.

"No way, we are not thinking from that point-of-view. It is a rumor," said Diggy Chacha.

However, to the disappointment of many gay people in India who were dreaming about him, he denied that he himself was gay.

"No no. I am not gay and even Rahul Baba is also straight-forward," Chacha smirked. "This effort is just to ensure the rights of minorities," he said.

When DCFC reporter asked afflicted Bonobo and other apes also represent homosexual community and would they also consider for the reservation. Diggy Chacha said "I heard that Apes are now very near to human beings in their evolution process and we can grant them voting rights as well. They are also our brothers. Congress takes care of everybody besides that I am sure they also might have heard the name 'Congress, Baba and Madamji' rather than Maya, Mamta, Mulayam and BJP. Therefore, I would recommend Election Commission to draw a proper plan for voting rights to apes."
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Shahid Kapoor shocked after watching Saif copying his expressions in Agent Vinod

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday 23 February 2012 | Posted in


Plans to sue Saif Ali Khan and Kareena under copyright infringement

India's hottest one-expression-same-expression actor Shahid Kapoor got surprised after watching Saif Ali Khan in Agent Vinod's promos.


"It was a serious damage to code of ethics under which no actor should copy the face expressions of other actor while Saif Ali Khan clearly copied my expressions," said nervous Shahid Kapoor.
Sources revealed that Kareena Kapoor, Saif Ali Khan's would be spouse took rigorous lectures of Saif on keeping mouth straight for hours in the movies.

"Shahid Kapoor's cool but arrogant and clearly indicating of fuck you bas*ard expressions were famous in his fans, particularly girls. Many other no-talent actors tried to copy him," said Taran Adarsh, expert in Indian movies.

He said "One of the recent examples was Arish Bhiwandiwala who performed Hrithik Roshan's childhood role. He copied Shahid Kapoor in every frame which even Hrithik couldn't. That kid really showed that he matches directly to Shahid Kapoor. He perfectly gave Shahid Kapoor like arrogant expressions to show angry-young-boy."

However, Taran Adarsh kept mum when Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC) film correspondent asked him whether it was better to chose Shahid Kapoor instead of Arish Bhiwandiwala for the childhood role of Hrithik Roshan in Agneepath. He said that it would be sensitive matter and he can't comment.

Karan Johar a famous film director said "That's not really a harmful idea to copy expressions of another actor till the face become similar to the other one. Still I give 100 marks to Shahid's expressions of tambu mein bamboo (bamboo in a**hole). They are mind blowing."

Another famous expression that Shahid Kapoor carries in his movies is his plastic (popularly known as mischievous among his fans) grin.

"He is comparable straight to Priyanka Chopra and Aishwarya Rai in terms of plastic smile," said Taran Adarsh who is also a popular admirer of his films.

However, Taran Adarsh denied that Kareena Kapoor enough graduated Saif Ali Khan to match Shahid Kapoor's 'fuck you' expressions and took enough efforts to give natural 'plastic smile'.

However, raged Shahid Kapoor plans to sue Saif Ali Khan under the copyright infringement case. His advocate Rajat Sharma (no not that Aap Ki Adalat fame) said "Even face expressions also come under copyright Act and we are doing all the homework before filing case against Saif Ali Khan."

While Kareena Kapoor was unavailable for reply, Saif Ali Khan said that he wasn't aware of such allegations. He said "My movie is going to hit the rock and everybody wants the pie in the success. Shahid would be one of those."

He said "In terms of Agent Vinod, I took inspiration from Daniel Craig (James Bond Hero) whose face resembled with me and there is no chance I would copy some small level Bollywood actor."


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Real reason behind Saif Ali Khan's punch on the nose of Iqbal Sharma

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday 22 February 2012 | Posted in

Agent Vinod with Agency
The actor told that it was just a demo of the Agent Vinod's punch

Celebrating the completion of his first action movie and compilation of publicity for that action movie, Saif Ali Khan (Saif) started a formal promotional campaign by hitting hard on the nose of Iqbal Sharma.

The actor confirmed that it was a formal launch of the promotional campaign of his upcoming movie 'Agent Vinod' and under his friend and girlfriend's request he showed a demo of that movie.

"Yea that's true. First time I am trying to show my action skills in Agent Vinod. This was a fight to all those who think that I am K-Jo's boyfriend. I can fight and my hand is more than 3 Kg," said hero of Agent Vinod, Saif Ali Khan.

He said "That was perfect punch, a perfect demo of my Agent Vinod's action stunt."

According to a source, who was present there at the time when the event passed said "The actor was surrounded by his friends and girlfriend Kareena. Everybody was talking about his inability to fight only in the films and not outside the film. And the victim of that unfortunate time was Iqbal Sharma."

Kareena, however, stayed away from the incidence. She said "I always insisted Saif not to become violent. I myself was capable to hit that Iqbal Sharma but I kept calm. You can see the recent development in my biceps after Ra-One. However, he couldn't."

Kareena was the major inspiration for Saif in making Agent Vinod. Saif agreed. He said "Kareena gave me all the minuscule detailing of Shahid Kapoor's face expressions which I used in Agent Vinod. How to maintain straight face for 3 hours? How to give plastic smile? How to keep as much as arrogant face? Kareena really helped me in becoming Agent Vinod."

According to sources, Shahid Kapoor was claimed to make a case against Saif Ali Khan for copying his face expressions for Agent Vinod which Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC) will cover later in detail.

Coming back to Iqbal Sharma saga, Inspector Ashish Vidyarthi of Colaba told DCFC reporter "We Police become scapegoat of all these film promotional campaigns etc. However, it is yet to know whether Iqbal Sharma was anyway related to movie Agent Vinod and we are searching for him."


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Following the suicidal threat from Vijay Mallya, Government announced farm like debt-waiver scheme for Kingfisher Airlines

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

Under the scheme a consortium led by SBI and LIC will fund Kingfisher Airlines

After much of a mockery made by Indian banks on a serious issue of Kingfisher's bailout, the King of Good Times, Vijay Mallya threatened Indian government for a suicidal attempt. His threat stirred the Indian political circle and gave favorable results. In an urgent meeting called by Civil Aviation Minister along with Finance Minister, the Indian government decided to infuse billion dollars in the lagging airline company and waive all the debt along with interest it took in yesteryears.

"This is similar to our most successful agriculture debt waiver scheme of Rs71000Cr, which we proudly launched in 2008-09," said Civil Aviation Minister, Ajit Singh who himself is a farmer's son.

He said "It took some time for Finance Minister to agree on the proposal but Vijay Mallya's suicide threat worked well and he also believe that the debt should be waived. We couldn't miss such a great person who works day-n-night for the welfare of socialites errhhh... societies."

In 2008, the government launched Agricultural Debt Waiver and Debt Relief Scheme of Rs71000Cr. On similar terms, the government plans to consider Vijay Mallya a 'farmer of "spirits" and King of old good times' and will launch Crownloser Debt Waiver and Debt Relief Scheme. Vijay Mallya's Kingfisher will be the sole beneficiary of the scheme. Recently, Air India was partially benefited from such a scheme. The Scheme came as a major relief for lagging Airline company, Kingfisher Airlines and the fan club of Vijay Mallya.

Under the scheme, a consortium of banks led by SBI will waive the debt and India's investment arm for third-rated investments LIC will invest fresh money in Kingfisher Airlines.

"Yea, that's right I called Ajit Singh in the morning after reading his press interview," said Vijay Mallya. Ajit Singh in an interview said "The government is not going to bailout, but we hope Kingfisher can mobilize resources and survive."

Sources said Vijay Malya blatantly asked Ajit Singh to show the sources from where he can mobilize money for Kingfisher Airlines. However, Ajit Singh whose government is itself facing worst financial crisis (circa Fiscal Deficit) situation had no answer. Sources also said that Vijay Mallya threatened Ajit Singh that he will make a suicide attempt and his fans who popularly known as 'bevdas' (drunkards) will encircle (popularly known as Gherao) his house. He also told that after suicidal attempt Kingfisher will stop supplying its best wine and liquor to top government officials.

Vinal Shah, President of Bevdas Association of India confirmed the development. He said "I was there with Mallya and I only gave him the advice to use suicide threat. The threat worked well as Ajit Singh didn't want to disturb the continuous supply of Kingfisher varieties and wanted to avoid embarrassment of gherao."

However, according to sources of opposition parties and ruling party, the government which would have lost a support of a community of luring 5mn drunkards took the decision in favour of Vijay Mallya.

"This is totally a vote-bank politics played by Congress Government. To attract a big lobby of drunkards, the government played its cards. We ask all the drunkards to don't trust in Congress' vote bank politics," said Nitin Gadkari, BJP President.

UP's chief minister Mayawati said "This announcement is totally against the Election Commission's (EC) code of conduct and we raise a serious doubt on the biased nature of manuwadi EC."

DCFC reporter couldn't understand nostril language of Mulayam Singh Yadav. However, something he was telling about 'Mulayamwadi' was heard of.

However, this entire event was rubbished by Ajit Singh. He said "It was not the same thing. It is not a vote bank politics. Actually, we respect Mallya a lot. His taste and his understanding of human taste is above par. We don't want such a kind of person to be missed. Therefore, we plan to revive Kingfisher Airlines."

The proposal saw a strong resistance from Finance Minister Pranab Mukherjee (Pranabda) who is seriously tackling the fiscal deficit monster. A source told that Pranabda was seen telling that this proposal is idiotic and government has no money for waste purposes.

"Whot the bollshit thish ish? Thish hole shaga is totally untolorabole. How can I redush the defishit now?" said irritated Pranabda.

However, due to force by High-Command and Ajit Singh with a beautiful plate of rasgulla helped taking favorable result Pranabda.


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Breaking News: IranAir to bail out Kingfisher Airlines

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday 21 February 2012 | Posted in


King of good times to stream line supply of liquor to Iran

Two kings which are facing sanctions for different sins have now joined their hands. IranAir, the national carrier of Iran plans to invest in Kingfisher Airlines, India's multi-colour aviation company.

"It was Almighty God's order to us to help janasheer, mausam-e-gulistan and gul-e-gulshan Kingfisher to revive itself," said Farhad Parvaresh, CEO of IranAir.

Kingfisher Head, Vijay Mallya also confirmed the development. He said "Yea that's correct. I am thankful of IranAir for providing us cheap fuel in exchange with our cheep bear and wine. I would take analyst and investor-meet for the announcement and a detailed 125-slide presentation."

Siddharth Mallya who was in a serious mental trauma and avoiding high-class parties on account of Kingfisher Airlines failure as like few actors, Zaid and Fardeen Khan for not to become the talk of mockery was very happy with the development.

He said “I asked Papa to give me the chance for giving presentation.”

Market Experts also appreciated steps from both the parties.

"This is a win-win situation for both the parties. While developed world every-now and then threatens to visit Iran for search of atomic blasts, Income Tax Office of India put menaces on Kingfisher’s head to pay taxes. This partnership can be a major break-through for both in terms of survival," said Adil Zainulbhai, Country Head Mckinsey & Co.

After this development came to public, Iran put sanctions over few European countries for selling the crude oil.
“Iran Air will not send its Jets to these countries and whatever fuel will be saved will send to Kingfisher Airlines at a heavy discount rates,” said Farhad Parvaresh.

Both the companies joined hands on the conditions that IranAir will supply its unutilized oil on account of flight cancellations from developed world while Kingfisher will incessantly supply branded liquor. IranAir top management will also get an opportunity to travel from Kingfisher Air and will be allowed a deep interaction with super-hot Kingfisher Airhostesses. Kingfisher employees will get 4 Nights and 5 Days free holiday package every year in Iran.

"Subhaan-Allah, I recently travelled through Kingfisher flight and motherly feeling that I received from Kingfisher Airhostesses was mind-boggling. I really felt like I am at home," said Farhad Parvaresh.

Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad himself enquired about the development and was very happy about it. He told that he is eager to interact with Kingfisher's hot crew and taste a range of Kingfisher wines and beers.

"IranAir's website sucks! I am searching for the news but the website is not at all showing it. Finally, I called 
Parvaresh and he confirmed and I am really happy. This way our relationship with India will improve," said Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

India's political circle also welcomed the development. Chacha Digvijay (Diggy Chacha) said "We are very happy that our Indian private Corporate also showed its hands for the benefits of minorities. In the fifth phase of UP elections we shall share this information to Uttar Pradesh voters."

Congress' Second in command after Diggy Chacha and Mullah Digvijay Singh Award winner from Pakistan, Manishankar Aiyer said "I would have loved to see if Kingfisher had joined the hands of Pakistan International Airlines which would have improved relations between India and Pakistan."

When DCFC reporter asked Rahul Baba for his views, he said "What is Kingfisher and Iran? Is Iran aam-aadmi? I would have to connect with Chacha and then I will give you answer.”

Vijay Mallya was also deeply gratified to Indian politicians which did not close Kingfisher Airlines and announced a special package for them.

“I am really thankful to Indian politicians for their support and cooperation. At this event, I am also announcing a special package for them of 3months holiday in Iran,” said Mallya.


According to sources, Deepika Padukone was trying to catch up with Siddharth Mallya, for initiating talks of patch up but he was unavailable.




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