Times of India to align its news paper prices to rates of raddi in Mumbai

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 14 February 2012 | Posted in


Promoter complained about getting peanuts for his social work

Times of India, India's most entertaining and informative news paper plans to align its prices to the rates of raddi (old news papers). The development came after the company's MD Vineet Jain became furious to see his maid's monthly raddi fetched Rs 180 after spending paltry Rs150 for the month.

"This is real bullshit. While we are performing our social responsibilities by printing news paper for every kind of audience, from kid to old, it is really annoying that readers use our paper to collect some money by selling it to Raddiwalas (old paper collector)," said MD Vineet Jain.

Vineet's maid Hansabai confirmed the story. She said "I don't understand English but I know that collecting Times of India (TOI) along with Mumbai Mirror pays back huge sum."

Vineet Jain said "Rates of raddi paper (old news papers) sky rocketed by almost 100% from Rs 5-7 per kg in January 2011 to around Rs 10-11 per kg in January 2012 while our news paper prices remained at Rs 4.50 per for combination of TOI and Mumbai Mirror."

TOI along with Mumbai Mirror contain more than 100 pages everyday and it is a most selling news paper in Mumbai.

"Yea, TOI is my most favorite news paper because of double benefits as it contains Bombay Times (an entertaining supplement of the TOI) while rest of the news paper can be sold to Raddiwalas and gets a lucrative amount," said Shweta Parthsarthi, a Mumbai based loyal reader of Times of India.

When DCFC correspondent asked her whether she reads the main news paper and Mumbai Mirror, she said "Rest is trash, yea but very useful to get some money back by selling it to Raddiwala. It is just like 80-90% cash back offer from Times Group."

"These days news paper has only two purposes one is to read and other is to sell it to Raddiwala. Earlier, almost around 10 years back there were few more usages of the news paper. They could have been used to collect garbage or to collect Kid's sh*t. But with growing awareness people come to know the utility of the news paper and they stopped using it for garbage and sh*t collection," said a news paper analyst Deepak Bhawra.
He said "Now usages of news paper other than reading and raddi purposes declined to 8% from 50% 10 years back and with more sanitation we shall see 100% news paper moving towards raddi."

Vineet Jain said "I don't understand weird mentality of Indian consumer. When we supply news papers at very cheap rates it is their responsibility to appreciate our efforts. However, our survey made last month showed that almost 90% of our readers like Times of India because the news paper fetches good return from raddis."

Jain further said "The survey also pointed that there is a general perception among the readers that printing such a large news paper means cash back offer from Times Group. How ridiculous it is!"

Young college student, Sneha Awasthi said "We generally don't give damn to main news paper and likes to keep it simple with Bombay Times and some part of Mumbai Mirror, as these papers have entertaining news and lots of offers."

Deepak Bhawra said "Generally, Mumbai Mirror is considered as Uday Chopra to Times of India while Bombay Times as Aditya Chopra. As Uday Chopra i.e., Mumbai Mirror is useless to Yash Chopra, i.e. Times of India, Aditya Chopra i.e., Bombay Times is real money spinner."

After knowing all the rave reviews about his news paper, Vineet Jain gave his final remarks.

"I am not going to tolerate anything further and now going to align prices of Times of India to Raddiwala's raddi rates and will stop this unannounced cash back offer," said Vineet Jain.



US President Candidate, Mitt Romney called Diggy Chacha for his advice

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


Diggy Chacha's experience to mentor Rahul Baba worked in his favour

A strong contender of US Presidentship, Mitt Romney felt to call most intelligent creature in the universe, right now living in India Digvijay Singh (Diggy Chacha) for taking his advice at the crucial stage when underdog Rick Santorum gaining against Romney.


"Yea at this crucial stage I felt some support from somewhere. My assistant who studied Indian politics closely told me that this guy somebody Diggy has experience of mentoring a pupil to prime ministership post for India. Therefore, I thought of asking what I should do at this stage," Mitt Romney who kept mum when asked what advised he got from Diggy Chacha.

While answering to Political Punch of Jake Tapper - "Dogs Against Romney"?, Romney made his punch. He said "Now its, Dig with Romney."

Digvijay Singh Fan Club on Facebook

A source close to Mitt Romney said "Diggy gave him fresh flesh and muscle saying make any bul*s*it about anybody. People like only three things in politics, entertainment, entertainment and entertainment and you become entertainment. These few good tips helped Mitt so much that he went outside and bought a cap of Joker. He also provided few good tips on how to communicate with people and attract them by making confusing statements. Romney looked very happy and invited Diggy to join as an advisor to him which Diggy humbly refused."

The development sparked strongly in India. Both ruling and opposition party gave their reactions.
Kapil Sibal said "We are happy that at least now US recognised India's talent and I would urge them to take Diggy as an advisor so that they can recover from current recession."

Digvijay Singh Fan Club on Facebook

P Chidambaram said "Its a good idea if Diggy joins US politics and will stand for next elections so that he would help US economy to recover fast. I would urge few other faces to join him which include Janardhan Dwivedi and Manish Tewari."

Nitin Gadkari said "No no... We need Diggy in India to find out and mentor true gems like Rahul Baba. At least we will have chances to come as ruling party."


Sonia Gandhi, however, was head strong. She said "Diggy haven't completed his work mentoring Rahul Baba after which he will start working on Priyanka Baby for mentoring her as President post after Pratibha Patil. It is every Indian's dream to see Rahul Baba sitting on PM's chair and Priyanka on President's chair (Oooohmmmaaa...)."




LinkedIn launched LinkedIn Junior on the eve of Valentine Day to integrate Imran Khan and Prateik Babbar

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


Fulfilling long standing demands from kid like faces such as Imran Khan, Prateik Babbar and Aftab Shivdasani which never planned to look seniors, LinkedIn Inc. launched new social networking site, LinkedIn Junior.

"Yea that was true. Few idiot VJs on channels like Zoom, Channel V and MTV usually hides my real age and shows me as I am 10 years old. What the fu*k? Even Mamu knows me that I crossed 20, just 9 years ago," said Imran Khan.

He said "Even few people said that I looked younger son of Kareena Kapoor in Ek Mein Aur Ekk Tu and therefore I planned to take a nonconventional move. When I came to know that there is a social networking site like LinkedIn which integrates professionals and matures, I thought to get registered for it. However, unfortunately LinkedIn changed its policies and without verifying my age with my bio they placed me in their LinkedIn Junior community. But still its not a bad idea to register there,"

He said "Such things are unbearable. In my last flick, everybody said Katrina was my aunty and not girl friend and therefore she decided to end the professional relationship and told me to go and drink Bournvita. Kareena was more shocking and told me to have some milk before wearing nappies. All these talks hurt so much that I decided that at least I should have full professional make-over and registering at LinkedIn is a first step towards that."

Digvijay Singh Fan Club on Facebook

Prateik Babbar, another heart-throb in Bollywood said "Yesterday, hot Katrina Kaif (yummy) rejected an offer with me saying she will look my mother and she doesn't want to take any kind of risk after Mere Brother Ki Dulhan. I am really irritated by the comments that I look younger than my tools. I also tried to look more mature by keeping moustache which people said was duplicate and therefore I planned to join mature communities like LinkedIn. I would take advice from Shahid Kapoor who directly became kid to old age man."

Shahid Kapoor who couldn't see himself in his young age and directly became old after kiddish face had something to say. He said "I actually went through from that serious trauma. While at that time we didn't have tools like LinkedIn, if these people are using LinkedIn then its a great idea."

LinkedIn Corporation founder Reid Hoffman said "It is a great idea to integrate few professional guys to our network. But because of their kiddish face it doesn't make any sense to include them in professional network like LinkedIn and therefore we planned to start LinkedIn Junior to integrate them."


"Not a bad idea. If not LinkedIn at least we shall be in a professional network of LinkedIn Junior," said Imran Khan.




Salman Khurshid learnt lessons of silence from Manmohan Singh

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Sunday, 12 February 2012 | Posted in


Buraa mat suno, bura mat dekho aur bura mat bako : Chup raho

In a closed door meeting with Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, Law Minister Salman Khurshid learnt lessons of silence and its power.

"Yes that's true. Madamji was disturbed after Salman Bhaai started playing the role of Diggyji and Sibalji. He was crossing the border line as bu..sh..ting was only allowed to these two leaders. Therefore, she asked Manmohanji who is well endowed with the power of silence to teach some lessons on how to keep MOUTH shut," said a senior leader in the Congress Party.

He said "In the closed door meeting Manmohanji taught him the lessons to remain silent and its power. He also gave him a new tag line which he himself developed for crucial and critical situations."

"Manmohanji told him to follow the steps of Gandhiji's three monkeys. Bura mat suno, bura mat dekho aur bura mat bako - Chup raho. He also advised Khurshid to stay away from the tempting jobs of Diggy and Kapil as they both were better equipped on handling of the jobs of making mockery of the serious situation," said the party leader.

The party leader also informed us that Manmohanji advised Salman Bhaai to watch movies of John Abraham and new-talent Imran Khan to get the similar kind of face expressions in unusual situations. "Manmohanji also gave his own example and said that nobody comes to know that whether he was angry or disturbed or smiling from his expressions," said the party leader.

When Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC) reporter asked Salman Bhai about the development, he confirmed that.
"It was an eye-opener session and I would also like Chief Election Commissioner (CEC), Mr. S Y Quraishi to join the lecture. It is free of charge and he can be astonished," said Salman Khurshid.

Dakdak Singh, servant at Salman Bhai's house provided some different insights.

"Salman Bhai is serious in planting his wife in that constituency to keep her busy in the party gossips, which will help Salman Bhai to keep his ears and head peaceful and therefore it might be out of tension that he forgot the model code of conduct before polling," Dakdak Singh said.

A senior official at Prime Minister Office said "Prime Minister himself gave personal attention to entire case after President Pratibha Patil forwarded the CEC's objection on Salman Bhai's arguments. Defying the earlier trend, Manmohanji immediately reacted and called Madam Soniaji for making the plan of action and called Khurshidji immediately to report him."


Manmohanji said "I would like to remain silent on the entire matter and will watch the statements of Diggy, Kapil and Janardhan Dwivedi's statements closely and thereafter will give best of the statements based on my assessment of the situation."







ND Tiwari never watched Porn Movies, which improved his sex life

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Friday, 10 February 2012 | Posted in


Justifies claims of independent research agency, Times of India

Ex-chief minister and India brand ambassador of Viagra, Narayan Dutt Tiwari justified the claims of Times of India's (TOI) Research Wing that 'Porn' makes men hopeless in bed.

"Yea that's true. I never watched porn movies in the movie theatres despite availability of varieties in the morning shows," said ND Tiwari to DCFC correspondent, Fekky Singh.

"I know it was a real pleasure to watch various items playing different games and tasks on-screen. But my reverence towards the so-called lust and greed in watching porn movies helped me to live healthy sex life in spite of crossing 80 years. Today, I am 86 but still I can challenge many young people. I really felt bad about the young generation which is very focused on the fantasizing world, as like Karnataka ministers who rather than take practicle experience are just watching from border. I never indulged in such a kind of cheap things and have everything clean, clear and transparent in front of my voters," said ND Tiwari.

"Just because my cleanliness and transparency, Diggy asked me to join the race of chief minister of the Uttar Pradesh. However, because of lot of work is still pending I told him that I am unavailable," Tiwari said.


Talking about Viagra brand which he endorsed in India, he said "I have never required such kind of tablets or medicines. Yea but I practiced not to watch famous B-grade or various porn movies like Sheela ki Jawani, Hawas Ki Aag, Haiwaan banaa Pyaar and few more which had various X-Factors. But for the social well being I am promoting that brand in India."


(Reported by Sex Correspondent Fekky Singh)







Bollywood hottie Imran Khan caught writing comment on Times of India page

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


Hollywood director to make a remake of Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu

After watching good critic reviews and poor reader reviews, greatest upcoming talent of Bollywood, Imran Khan tried to convince readers that he is one of the best actors of all times.

Imran Khan's maid Rambha said DCFC correspondent "He was just writing something on the computer on a web site where there were lots of girls in bikinis."

When DCFC took a cue and searched web pages it found that Rambha was talking about Times of India's page which was carrying the review for Imran Khan's new flick 'Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu'.

"Yea that was true. Imran was writing replies to reader's comments which were not so gung-ho about the great romantic saga Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu, convincing them that how great he was in the movie," said Imran's closed friend asking DCFC reporter to maintain anonymity.

He said "When I had been there to Imran's room at morning 3a.m. he was busy in writing comments in some other's name."

While the author was so bullish on the film that he was nominated to be a story writer in Karan Johar produced new bollywood movie.

Karan Johar said "It was best review I have ever seen in my life. For some time I thought it was the critic who wrote the story of that movie."

Imran Khan, however, angered on DCFC reporter over pulling his name into a new found controversy.
"Why should I worry whether I am best or not? My uncle is there to help me out. I don't require to do all these things. I sleep early in the night, wake up early in the morning. I eat bread-n-Amul butter and also drink Bournvita. I hardly get any time to do all these bullshits," said furious Imran Khan.

However, the movie was understandably a big hit among the Hollywood producers and directors. Even, director Tom Vaughan of 'What Happens in Vegas' which was the original flick of Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu admitted all his mistakes while making the earlier movie.

He said "When I saw the movie, I came to know how many mistakes I made and how much I require to improve myself. I am planning to make a remake of Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu."






Controversial Karnataka Porngate incidence shook Political milkshake, ND Tiwari in focus again

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


BJP thrashed Sibal's claims said ministers were watching ND Tiwari's clips

A slew of new developments happened after the porngate incidence in Karnataka. A political word-war kept the politicians in ruling as well as opposition parties busy. Kapil Sibal's controversial statement on a small incidence of porn watching Karnataka ministers invited many comments from BJP, particularly focusing on Congress' most trusted, strongest and Viagra's India brand ambassador N.D. Tiwari. BJP raised many points which covered love-n-romance saga of ex-chief minister and governor N.D. Tiwari. DCFC's sex correspondent, Fekky Singh listed few of them.


One minister said it lacked entertainment value another said he learnt 80+ sex life

BJP strongly replied to Kapil Sibal's (Sibal Uncle) claims that the party was having "all the entertainment.
"The videos had no-entertainment value. Ek assi saal ka Buddha kyaa entertain karega," said party president Nitin Gadkari. He said "I had talked with both the ministers and they told that they were innocent. They were just watching few video clips of Narayan Dutt Tiwari, just to get out of the boring assembly session. However, the video clips were so low quality and third rate that the ministers felt it was better to concentrate on assembly session. We have already punished our MLAs for watching such low-quality porn movies (Please see the image above)."

Sacked BJP Minister, CC Patil who peeped for a few seconds and moving to apparently switch off the cell said "ND Tiwari, though showed immense strength in performing few hot and tough tasks in that video, the production values and the presentation was really hopeless and lacked any entertaining factors and therefore I shut down the cell phone out of irritation. I really missed some nasty and kinky actions from him."
Another sacked BJP Minister, Laxman Savadi who focused on the clippings through-out-session said "It was amazing to watch such a well-built old man taking so many girls. At my age when task performing becomes difficult, this guy was busy in doing with so many girls. He is real Viagra guy and I was just trying to learn how to do after 80."

However, Congress criticized BJP's view. Congress mouthshot, Digvijay Singh (Diggy Chacha) said "It requires immense amount of dedication and muscle to show such divine power at the age ND Tiwari was. He is still willing to become chief minister of UP which only shows how much he is eager he is to perform these tasks again at the current age. However, BJP Ministers by watching these videos not only showed their low grade thought process but also inability to be hardcore."

Sibal Uncle enquires whether mobile content can be censored, taking ND Tiwari's help

Sibal Uncle, who pioneered internet censorship is trying to expand his horizons. He enquired with his colleagues whether there is a concept called cell-phone censorship. Barring his and other few important numbers, he said he would like to ban free cell-phone usage.

"Yes that's true, Sibalji asked us to prepare a concept paper over cell-phone censorship which will allow carrying, transmitting, watching and keeping any sex or porn contents on mobile phones. We had a committee meeting and unanimously decided to request ND Tiwari to support the cause and monitor content on each and every mobile phone," said an assistant to Sibal Uncle.

However, many MPs, MLAs and ministers have opposed to the idea by calling it to the ban on right to watch.

!dea claimed that its '3G mein Busy' campaign worked

Idea Cellular which popularized a new anthem '3G mein busy' claimed that it was the success of its campaigning that the harmful MLAs, MPs and Ministers are now busy in scrolling 3G contents.

"It was sheer success of the 3G mein busy campaign which not just kept busy Indian audience but also Ministers were busy in watching 3G videos," said Himanshu Kapania, MD of Idea Cellular.

He also claimed that both the Karnataka ministers were using Idea's 3G services and they got seamless porn video experience.

Sacked ministers got job from Mulayam Singh Yadav

Mulayamwadi, Mulayam Singh Yadav had a different view. He said trash can be used everywhere.
He said "Porn videos helped reduce rape cases. These two ministers not only showed a way to reduce rape cases in the country as like I showed by announcing government jobs to rape victims. If I come to power in the UP state I would like them to invite as officials of Mulayamwadi Rape Victim Jobs Guarantee Scheme (MRVJGS)."

Viagra renewed its contract with ND Tiwari post Karnataka porngate saga

Pfizer Inc., the manufacturer of Viagra, the world's largest brand of sex power renewed contract with ex-chief minister of UP and muscle guru ND Tiwari, before any other company with healthy tablets approach him.
"Looking at consistent rise in the demand for the drug in India's political market, we thought of signing Mr. ND Tiwari as early as possible," said Dennis A. Ausiello, M.D. of Pfizer.

He said "We didn't want to lose the big opportunity with any small Indian manufacturer like Muscly Power and Giagra. Rising awareness about maintaining good sex life at the age when politicians become great grand fathers is a key mantra to our success and we want to capitalize the opportunity."

However, he didn't disclose the amount at which the company signed Mr. ND Tiwari.


(Reported by Sex Correspondent Fekky Singh)