After some relief from recent stock market rally, big bull investor finally decided to buy new clothes on Diwali. According to sources, he lost all his clothes as his portfolio took a big hit in a big carnage in Indian stock markets that came by July end to August end this year.

"Now I am happy, I can buy new clothes in Diwali," said Rakesh Jhunjhunwala, an ace investor and inspiration to many on Dalal Street.

He also gave a new target of 6700 for Nifty when Sensex just touched an all time high and said that it was painful month when the markets tumbled from 6000 levels to 5000. However, due to immense hot weather in Mumbai helped him to manage life without clothes.

Revealing the success how he managed to make turnaround, Jhunjhunwala said "I acted on the advices given by SP Tulsian."

Australian coach Mickey Arthur strictly asked Australian cricket team to keep the target below 300 or score at least 600 to stop India in 7^th one day international match. In a staggering revelation, Arthur said he found real weakness of Indian team after a lot of research.

"My personal computer suggested me that whenever Australian team scores below 300 runs, it defeats India. However, when Australia runs more than 300 then India comfortably wins that match. Therefore, I asked my team to contain their hunger for more and more runs against 'C' grade Indian bowling," said Mickey Arthur.

The sources said that Arthur issued a strict letter and asked George Bailey and Shane Watson to limit their temptations to score high against Indian bowling so that score would not move beyond 300 runs.

Arthur said "My research suggest that either we will have to limit our score at around 300 or needs to score more than 600 runs to save ourselves from Virat Kohli's monstrous attack."

In another important revelation, due to high scores scored by Australian batsmen, the world ignored Australia's 'D' grade bowling line up, said the sources. Yesterday night in a party, therefore Australian bowlers thanked Indian counterparts.

In a candid chat with the India Satire correspondent, Salman Khurshid confirmed that he always felt like idiot while defending UPA Government's stupid policies. Minister of External Affairs, however, asked the India Satire to maintain confidentiality and disclose it only in front of its readers.

"I really feel I am a big hoodwink when I say that this policy of UPA is good that policy is good and defend it," said Salman Khurshid "However, in reality from bottom of my heart all those policies are stupid ones and one should not believe that in return they would really meant for the welfare of people."

Salman Khurshid told correspondent "What all kind of garbage policies these people come up with. Forget policies these guys have no intention to break the policy paralysis and reduce inflation. I feel fucking whenever I say something else and I have something other in my mind."

First time in his marred life, India's Law Minister Kapil Sibal won an argument against his wife, Promila Sibal, said sources present at the event. According to sources, Sibal was trying to justify the inevitable increase in the milk and onion prices.

"When he came from his office Promilaji straight asked him stinging question why prices are rising," said Sanjay, a sweeper in Kapil Sibal's house.

Promilaji was already angry over rise in onion prices but her angst exploded when dudhwala bhaiyaa hiked milk prices, said Sanjay.

He said "Sibalji tried to justify her that there is zero loss till he was minister in the UPA government so she should not need to worry. He also told her that price rise is inevitable as the poor and deprived should get money from some pockets and that are of well to do middle class."

"Reacting to his barbs, Promilaji immediately told him in that case she would vote Narendra Modi," said Sanjay "The argument continue to go on and till Promilaji called him stupid and Sibalji ended the conversation by calling her 'shut up you communal'."

Krrish 3 producer Rakesh Roshan said that he would personally distribute Krrish under wears and Krrish rain coats on the eve of movie release.

"We will be distributing 1.2 million under wears and raincoats that Krrish wears across all the theaters in India on the eve of the premier. Both these outfits are symbols of superheroes," said Rakesh Roshan.

Rakesh Roshan said that there is a big craze about superheroes in India and people don't mind anything to spend to access these outfits. He said these outfits are for both kids and adults.

"These under wears are made for superheroes and they are very flexible. Kids and youth can wear them both inside and outside trousers," said Rakesh Roshan.

Rakesh Roshan said he would personally give both the outfits at the premier show and followers of Krrish can join the cues.

Following is the checklist/guide which you wanted before deciding anything about Krrish 3.

Things you should know about Krrish 3

¨       Obviously, it is better than Guzaarish but not better than Ra-one – sources

¨       Movie is made for kids but adults are also allowed – Rakesh Roshan, movie's director.

¨       Two 'rr' in Krrish 3 title is inspired from Kangana Ranaut's strange accent…. Krrriiirrrrrrr krrrrriiiirrrrrr… - sources

¨       Movie director Rakesh Roshan told viewers not to watch Krrish 3 if they already watched Superman – Man of Steel.

¨       Kids disheartened after they came to know about so many kissing scenes in the movie. They protested against Censor board for not cutting the kissing / liplock scenes from the movie, kids association declared ban on the movie. Police issued a high alert as intelligence said Indian kids would burn theaters across the country.

¨       Script has considered most of the Hollywood super hero movies like Superman, Spiderman, Hulk, X-Men, Iron Man, etc. The script also gave due importance to Indian super hero movies like Shiva Ka Insaaf, Ra-One, Rajanikanth flicks and masterpiece serial 'Shaktimaan', said Rakesh Roshan. Alert- Movie is not 6 hours duration.

¨       Movie is unique from other English super hero films in terms of all the family mixture, respect to Pappa, Mummy and granny, love to wife, dreams of extra marital affairs, emotional melodrama, etc.

¨       Krrish 3's Pappa (Hrithik himself) looks irritating. He has put a lot of overacting in the film. Many who watched the movie said Johny Lever would have been better choice.

¨       Movie is damn boring – sources

¨       Rakesh Roshan thrashed all the rumours that the movie is based on Rahul Gandhi's life.

¨       Shahrukh will decide sequel of Ra-One based on success of Krrish 3

¨       Priyanka Chopra tried to give sensible expressions with little clothes. Sources said first time in her life she showed her true smile and not fake one, though people still can't believe it.  Note: clothes are marginally more than the real nudity, sensible.

¨       Contest – Whose smile is more fake/plastic one, Aishwarya or Priyanka? Please give your answers in the comments section.

¨       Vivek Oberoi will officially be declared as defunct hero and useless villain after this movie. Uday Chopra plans his comeback as a villain in Krrish 4.

¨       It is better than Grand Masti and Himmatwala – sources

¨       Kangana Ranaut tried to talk in English. She gave expressionless witchy looks in most of the scenes. Caution – Whenever she shouts in the film a voice of kiiirrrrrrrrrr …, which is likeable to all vampires and devils. So stay cautious on your seats – Issued in public interest

¨       This movie will confirm Kangana don't look sexy – Rakesh Roshan

¨       Special force of makeup men called from Polish cinema to remove Hrithik's sick and ugly looks that continued from Guzaarish.

¨       Movie is better than Ram Leela – sources

Disclaimer: Movie is neither based on Rahul Gandhi's life nor Narendra Modi's life. It is neither secular nor communal. It is neither fun nor entertainment.

Talking about sudden aggression in Rahul's speeches, one senior Congress leader confirmed that the party removed a small defective part from his brain and now the puppet is ready to take on Narendra Modi and BJP.

"We recently fixed one damaged part and removed another defective one," said Congress General Secretary and spokesperson Digvijay Singh who also mentored Rahul in his early days of politics.

Digvijay Singh told India Satire correspondent that the repairing work was taken after complaints from regional as well as few senior Congress leaders over lacking of aggression and enthusiasm in Rahul's speeches.

"The repairing work was necessary. Now after this repairing work, Rahul has become a perfect PM candidate and would listen exactly perform as we ask him too," said Digvijay Singh.

Talking about the issues which the party leaders fixed, he said "We fixed issues related to secularism by putting some more drama in the floppy of his brain and we removed defective part called wisdom which was still there in his brain, a minor quantity of 2%. Now he is perfect and can give provocative and aggressive speeches and can also take on Modi one on one."

Digvijay Singh in his ending remarks "Finally, what actually matters is that is he ready to become best puppet in our hands. Ha ha ha."